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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 13 DS to go paddle boarding with his friends after school?

181 replies

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 08:47

DS wants to go to the beach (40 mins away) after school with a group of five other 13 year old boys, one of which is bringing a paddle board. The boys are sensible and all competent at swimming and paddle boarding. However, there will be no adults present, no lifeguards as they have finished for the summer and no life jackets will be worn.
My instinct is to say no but apparently all the other parents are fine with this. Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

Please vote YABU if you would be ok with this.
Or YANBU if you would also say no.

OP posts:
Harry12345 · 15/09/2023 12:04

Absolutely no way, life jackets and wetsuits needed

Cheesenpickleontoast · 15/09/2023 12:04

We could do with an update on those chilling 1970's public information videos, showing us how to be safe around water. Donald Pleasence's sinister hooded figure in Lonely Water, anyone? The boy going after his Frisbee in the electricity sub station? "JIMMY!!!!!". I can never forget them. I appreciate you need to be of a certain age to get these references!

EasternStandard · 15/09/2023 12:05

Yanbu at all

NoSquirrels · 15/09/2023 12:12

I would be explaining to DS the circumstances under which I would say yes to this:

lifeguard present - yes
other adult present - yes
life jackets worn - yes

Presenting it as - I would like to give you this freedom but… is better than No, I am forbidding you. The first way gives him options to see how you could agree.

cheddercherry · 15/09/2023 12:18

I’d be double checking with parents, see if you can find numbers for the ones you haven’t spoken to as I’m slightly perplexed they’d all be totally fine? We live on the coast and the local kids all gear up at least but even so we do have fairly regular life guarding on and volunteers.

To be honest if he’s going to be childish enough to lie or threaten to lie about his whereabouts then that’s kinda of proving your point that he’s not quite an the age when he can responsibly cope with the potentially risky situation of being out on the sea with a bunch of mates and the fact he (and his mates) refuse a life vest for fear of looking uncool also proves this. My brothers all did/do varying extreme or outdoor style hobbies from similar ages and always wore the right gear because it’s about common sense and safety as well as fun with your mates. You can’t be a decent skater, or rafter or skier without helmets etc. just common sense. So for me that’s the more telling point that he’s just not being mature enough even to properly chat with you now about how he can make himself safe and the risks, never mind when he’s actually in the thick of it.

WarmWinterSun · 15/09/2023 12:26

In other countries it would be really normal for kids that age to go surfing without an adult if they are local and know the dangers, but the risk with a paddle board is that they go very far out to sea.

At the very least they need to check the conditions on the day through the proper channels and find a location with the right conditions for paddle boarding. Local surf / paddle board shops should know but perhaps there is a better source for this. If they are strong swimmers, smart and know the area I could possibly get comfortable if I had been involved in that checking. I would want to know about the conditions for the day and knew where they were going. This could be an opportunity for them to learn about how to do this more safely by being smart. But generally this would worry me.

mrstreacle · 15/09/2023 12:28

I'd say no too. It sounds like Camber, beautiful but can easily become deadly very quickly

Titchyfeep · 15/09/2023 12:29

Yanbu. No one should be paddle boarding without a life jacket. Even the most competent swimmers can come in to difficulty in the sea.

WarmWinterSun · 15/09/2023 12:29

Actually - at 13 - it would be a no from me. 15 years old, strong swimmer, real experience of the area and risks and in a location where conditions on the day are confirmed as safe for paddle boarding, maybe yes with life jackets worn.

SirVixofVixHall · 15/09/2023 12:32

DH is in the Coastguard. Paddle boarding causes quite a few call of his call outs, I think as a group they are too young to be out in the sea without some adult presence.

goodkidsmaadhouse · 15/09/2023 12:36

I think I’m much more relaxed about water safety than a lot of MNers but I also wouldn’t be happy. We SUP and kayak on the sea and yes SUPs can be blown out quickly by the wind.

bellabasset · 15/09/2023 12:39

i live by the North Cornish coast and even with experienced swimmers tgere can get an accident. I wish there was a way that you access the beach safely with lifeguards even paying a small donation. There have been incidents where people have been swept off rocks.

watcherintherye · 15/09/2023 12:44

I reckon it’s likely to be a case of all of them saying to their parents that the other parents are fine with it! Don’t fall for that one. You won’t be the only parent with misgivings. I wouldn’t be surprised if other parents follow suit, if you say no.

ManchesterLu · 15/09/2023 12:54

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:15

We have life jackets for when we go out on paddleboards and kayaks but 95% of people don't bother. The boys definitely wouldn't take/wear them.

Show quote history

That in itself shows you he's not mature enough to go without an adult.

Bouncyball23 · 15/09/2023 13:06

A man drowned not so long ago by mine while paddling boarding on a lake near the beach took 4 days to recover his body and their was adults trying to save him as soon as it happened, I will happily be the grumpy mum and say no to my teen not worth the risk.

retinolalcohol · 15/09/2023 13:17

I suspect this will be a case of each one of them claiming all the other parents are fine with it tbh, to back you into a corner. I don't see how any parent would be fine with it. My dad would have laughed in my face

I distinctly remember being asked to leave a wave pool on holiday when I was 13, even though I am a strong swimmer and life guards were present, because an adult wasn't with me. It's relatively easy to get into trouble especially in open water as you can't predict how strong the next one will be
This added to the fact that teenagers in big gangs think they're invincible is not a good mix

WillowCraft · 15/09/2023 13:24

Redrumredrumredrum · 15/09/2023 10:47

We often go paddle boarding (similar age DC here) and live by the sea, it'd be an absolute no from me, trust your gut. We use life jackets, always have an adult to supervise and don't use the actual sea, sticking to biels off the sea, lakes, reservoirs which is much safer and no rip tides. If they get caught in one of those it can get serious very quickly.

Tbh though, how are they getting the equipment there and pumping it up? It'd take an age with a hand pump and likely wouldn't be inflated enough to actually be usable and then to get it deflated enough to get back in the holder and back, assuming public transport... It'd not be the adventure he's imagining I doubt they'd do that twice. It's a fair chunk of work for an adult nevermind a child.

It's a few minutes of pumping, then takes a few minutes to deflate..it's really not that much of a chore.

Gumptionesque · 15/09/2023 13:26

It would be a no from me. No one goes out on the water on any craft without a buoyancy aid, is the rule at our sailing club. You’re not even allowed onto the jetties without. It’s not worth the risk.

MrsB74 · 15/09/2023 13:27

My dc got a fright paddle boarding at that age - they got caught in a current and were washed way further out than they should have been. We were watching and got the “instructors” to go and get them. They jumped in the water in a panic and were cold and shaken (they were wearing life jackets and wetsuits). It was terrifying and happened very quickly, even with us watching it all unfold and being able to raise the alarm, so no way would I be allowing this.

Lamelie · 15/09/2023 13:30

An adult is much more likely to spot risks, not panic and get help swiftly. A group of 13 yo’s are ill equipped- it’s not fair on any of them.

WillowCraft · 15/09/2023 13:32

I think a group of 13 year olds, on the sea, with a paddle board, without buoyancy aids, unsupervised is an absolutely stupid idea.

If it were 2 boys and they wore lifejackets and it was a flat calm enclosed bay I would consider it.

Paddle boarding is much riskier than swimming or surfing.

Wassapp · 15/09/2023 13:34

BoaBunsAreLovely · 15/09/2023 09:05

There’s just been a man near where I’m from that died paddle boarding in the sea. They couldn’t find his body for a few days. The sea is too unpredictable. So I totally understand you not allowing him to go, because I wouldn’t either x

If that was WW beach, it was a family member of some friends of mine. Just awful.

I came on to say that this would be the biggest ever no. The sea is dangerous.

Nanny0gg · 15/09/2023 13:35

Ozziedream · 15/09/2023 09:07

I would be happy if he was wearing a life jacket. We bought slim line ones and just make the dc wear them. We are impervious to pleas that “no one else wears them”. No life jacket no paddleboard.

No one will be there to check...

Oldthyme · 15/09/2023 13:36

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:03

We are working anyway but he definitely would not be happy with one of us going.

Edited

Who is the parent here? Your kid might be unhappy if you tag along but stuff that for a game of monkeys. Safety is paramount.

I appreciate you’re working but if a kid drowns/gets into difficulties, can you live with yourself?

So many people drown every year or Life Boats get called out.

Please, think twice about this.

Brewdug · 15/09/2023 13:36

Bouncyball23 · 15/09/2023 13:06

A man drowned not so long ago by mine while paddling boarding on a lake near the beach took 4 days to recover his body and their was adults trying to save him as soon as it happened, I will happily be the grumpy mum and say no to my teen not worth the risk.

Was just thinking of this Bouncy, we must be the same neck of the woods. It was horrific - four days to be found and it was not even a lake of any size. It's hard to fathom but freak accidents do occur.