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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 13 DS to go paddle boarding with his friends after school?

181 replies

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 08:47

DS wants to go to the beach (40 mins away) after school with a group of five other 13 year old boys, one of which is bringing a paddle board. The boys are sensible and all competent at swimming and paddle boarding. However, there will be no adults present, no lifeguards as they have finished for the summer and no life jackets will be worn.
My instinct is to say no but apparently all the other parents are fine with this. Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

Please vote YABU if you would be ok with this.
Or YANBU if you would also say no.

OP posts:
OceanicBoundlessness · 18/09/2023 08:37

Paddleboarders on the sea
Check the weather (use an app that gives gusts as well as wind speed) - onshore wind or pretty much still (8mph or less) if offshore. Bearing in mind the wind changes and speeds will be higher away from the shore.
Buoyancy aids
Wetsuits
Waterproof phone cases in case anyone needs to phone for help.
Use your leash

To be fair with only one between them they're likely to stay in the shallows but that is my minimum when I go out.

OceanicBoundlessness · 18/09/2023 08:50

I agree with people who have suggested a British canoing course or similar. Maybe say you can revisit the decision after they've done that, them you're arming them with at least some basic knowledge of safety issues.
It's a case of you don't know what you don't know.
The guys who run these take safety very seriously and are likely to be people the kids will respect and listen to...vs parents.

and even adults are less cautious in a group. Once you've trekked to your destination, got all excited and then blown the thing up it's very hard to decide the conditions are not conducive that day and come away - especially in a group.

Lalalalala555 · 18/09/2023 14:56

With your husband, go through the dangers one by one (ie like doing a risk assessment). Figure out if there is anything you can do to mitigate each risk. Ie have a waterproof phone pouch for your son, or a wetsuit to give more time against hypothermia should something happen, find a resource to watch as a family to educate about rips and what to do if you get caught in one.

I think either way it is worth evaluating risks, and then educating your son on them. He will grow up and no longer need to ask you at some point, and it's better explain why and teach someone than just a blanket no.

Have a chat with your son about your concerns.
Educate him of the dangerous.
See what he thinks? Is he concerned about his safety? Does he trust his judgement? Does he trust his friends to act responsibly?

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 18/09/2023 16:38

Just in case anyone is interested in how this played out. I had texted DS saying I wasn't happy with the situation but he didn't reply so when he came back from school I was ready to put my foot down. He came back and said he had decided not to go anyway. He had thought they were only having the board near the beach to mess around and jump off but the plan was to go quite far out which he thought was stupid without life jackets. I was really proud of him. I have messaged the school to see if they can have someone from RNLI come in and give a talk before next summer.

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 18/09/2023 16:46

That’s really awesome!!

Chchchanging · 18/09/2023 17:10

Awesome outcome!

Weedoormatnomore · 18/09/2023 17:23

@Sparrow7
Great outcome he sounds very sensible

Mostlyoblivious · 18/09/2023 19:11

Great stuff!

IndysMamaRex · 23/09/2023 09:18

You’ve raised him well OP! It’s good he was able to not bow to peer pressure & go. He knew it was dangerous & was confident enough today no. Good on him! There’s plenty of boys that age that would have gone with the crowd.

Menomave · 23/09/2023 09:20

Thanks for the update - you must be so very proud of your son. What a grown up, sensible young man.

MrsPeacockDidIt · 23/09/2023 09:26

you are raising a very sensible young man there. I’m glad this was the outcome. No parent enjoys having to be the fun police !

FallGall · 23/09/2023 09:37
  • Sadly it's not almost always boys, and not always because they 'muck up'.

We have had drownings of men & women, and children, all ages, this summer. *

Why do people just make things up to fit their narrative!

Between 2011-2022, five times as many males (1,406) died from drowning compared to 265 females of the same age.

From the Water Institute Research Hub.

FallGall · 23/09/2023 09:38

Great idea about the RNLI OP.

MMMarmite · 23/09/2023 09:40

Does your DS frequently paddle board there? Is he aware of how to identify riptides, and what to do? Does he know the dangers of an offshore breeze, and how to assess for that too? Is he mature enough to keep an awareness of their position compared to hazards, even while they're having a laugh? It's he mature enough to say no to something unsafe, rather than follow the others? Are all the lads strong swimmers?

These are the skills I'd want him to be developing, under supervision at first, with a view to being able to use them independently at some point.

MMMarmite · 23/09/2023 09:43

Just saw your update, he's already got Is he mature enough to say no to something unsafe, rather than follow the others?

Sounds like you're doing a good job OP.

The sea can be amazing fun, it's just knowing how to risk assess and treat it with respect.

VeneziaJ · 23/09/2023 09:43

Blimey! No you are being completely reasonable! We have a 13yr boy and he likes paddle boarding under NO circumstances would he be allowed to go into the sea without an adult (strong swimmer) present. children of his age have been drowned around here only this last year (an nasty incident near the pier) and one swimming in the Bay and that was with his family!

WoooahNelly · 23/09/2023 09:51

How are they getting there if you live 40 mins away? Are they hiring the gear? I'm not sure hire places would hire to 13 yo. Otherwise there must be an adult taking them plus gear as it's not small or lightweight. Where do they normally paddle board if they are competent but 40 mins from sea?

SoShallINever · 23/09/2023 09:53

OP explained up thread that one of the boys lives close to the beach and they will carry the equipment there.
Well done to your boy OP.

DiscoBeat · 23/09/2023 09:57

Not in a thousand years!

converseandjeans · 23/09/2023 09:58

YANBU people drown paddle boarding. I think in summer with lifeguard is different.

converseandjeans · 23/09/2023 10:00

Just saw update. That's great attitude from him. Good idea about RNLI.

DiscoBeat · 23/09/2023 10:04

I wish RNLI would run some sea safety classes at the secondary school.
If you phone them they might do?

IndigoLaFaye · 25/09/2023 06:43

He is going to do it anyway and at what age will he be “allowed”?
You sit him down and have an open conversation with him (without lecturing), talking about risk, responsibility, peer pressure, how worried you are, what steps he can take to protect himself and then let him decide.

IndigoLaFaye · 25/09/2023 06:45

Just seen the update!
Great news! A little bit of trust and often teens make the right choice!

Goldencup · 25/09/2023 06:49

elliejjtiny · 15/09/2023 09:03

I would say no in those conditions. My dc regularly go paddle boarding but they have helmets, life jackets and 3 adult instructors with a group of 8-10 children/teenagers.

Helmets for paddle boarding whatever for ? Honestly this place....talk about cotton wool. Yes from 13 I let mine go to the beach with mates. I am guessing OP is not in Cornwall.