To not let 13 DS to go paddle boarding with his friends after school?

[Sparrow7]

DS wants to go to the beach (40 mins away) after school with a group of five other 13 year old boys, one of which is bringing a paddle board. The boys are sensible and all competent at swimming and paddle boarding. However, there will be no adults present, no lifeguards as they have finished for the summer and no life jackets will be worn.
My instinct is to say no but apparently all the other parents are fine with this. Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

Please vote YABU if you would be ok with this.
Or YANBU if you would also say no.

I'm with you on this one OP. I wouldn't allow him to go either.

No way! The sea is so dangerous.

See, I think the OP's is a judgement call but that this is objectively really poor parenting.

Is your 18 year old learning to drive?

Absolutely not. The sea is different than a swimming pool. Does he understand tides & rip tides? Do they have the appropriate gear? E.g. wetsuits, lifevests? The water can be damn cold & cold water shock is the reason most people drown.

just grabbing a paddle board is an accident waiting to happen. Of you son wants to paddle board maybe look at lessons & when he’s older you can discuss going alone with friends once your confident he knows what he’s doing

Several family members paddle board on the river..they always wear life jackets..its common sense... the sea is unpredictable and 40 mins is a long time in an emergency. I would personally not be OK with the lack of responsibility of these children.. if they're not taking basic precautions to stay safe they're not responsible enough to be doing this unsupervised. You could always spoil their fun by rocking up at the beach with a picnic to keep an eye on them

It's only the sea and teen boys I am ridiculously over protective about . Totally fine about everything else!! Perhaps lax in other ways and my kids are all very independent .
Re the poster who mentioned driving , whether it's logical or not I will not be as nervous of my kids driving .
My brother and his pals were swimming years ago at the beach together and his best friend drowned .

I cannot believe anyone would consider allowing this. Teenagers are idiots and the sea is dangerous.

I have a 13 year, she doesn't go near water without adults. She goes into town etd just fine, because people do not drown at the shops!

He will 100% lie to you in the future about where he is going

That would be a definite no from me.

So what's the answer?

Not permit him to do something unsafe (explaining why) or letting him and it all goes horribly wrong?

Even the most competent swimmers can drown.

The sea is unrelenting and conditions can change in the blink of an eye.

I agree, it would be a hard no without an adult there, irrespective of life jackets, leashes etc.

That argument of fearing DS will lie about his whereabouts if you say no is concerning and speaks of a different problem

I’m with you i wouldnt allow without an adult. When water is involved things can change so quickly

My first instinct is also - hell no.

but at what point is it yes? At 16 they can but paddle boards and off they go. They when to learn to plan for risk.

I think I would want to see their understanding of tides, wind, weather and what they need with themes if they had all that, I would likely agree. For example, a wind blowing you out to see, even if light, out an outgoing tide could be disastrous.

YANBU. My 24 year old daughter announced a month or so ago that she was going paddle boarding, and after watching a lot of episodes of 'saving lives at sea' I was really concerned, even though she's a strong swimmer.

She eased my mind by saying she'd done her homework - she bought a waterproof bag for her phone in case she got into trouble, and she'd studied the tides and wind.

How are they getting there if no adults are going? Not to mention all their gear. Have they looked into wind conditions and tides?

I don't think that's a fair equation. If you learn to drive, you do so with a professional instructor who teaches you how to read the road, handle the car, judge distances. If OP's son wanted to go paddleboarding with an instructor who insisted on safety gear, understanding of tides, winds, currents etc then she might have less anxiety.
A driving equivalent would be: my son has had a few lessons with me in a carpark and now wants to drive up a hairpin-bend mountain road on his own without a qualified driver present. Should I let him?

Sit and conversate it through with him. Imo 13 is too young for that. Fully unattended with no one strong enough to save the other in all honesty. If you trust your son in general - sit and explain that it's about trust. Don't do anything because others say to. Look at the girl who died because her best friend pushed her into water. Kids can be silly and impulsive. Facebook have a couple called Cole and charisma. Cole is wheelchair bound from jumping into water. Explain the consequences of mistreating water. It's all you can do. It's a no from me but if the friend groups a responsible one and close with each other it's to the individual

Definitely not. I've lived by a tidal estuary for 10 years and there have been five drownings in the estuary or along the beach in that time. People need to respect the sea.

I just think so much of this is magical thinking and people trying to manage their own anxiety through controlling their children. I don't know what people are imagining their presence would achieve in a lot of the worst-case scenarios being described except for giving them the chance to actually watch their child drown. Life jackets, on the other hand, are actually a practical help.

I'd say mid-teens upwards (ie when largely adult sized) and when all the group have BCA one star competency, or most of the group have and at least 2 of them have two star.

Because they will then have been taught how to assess safety.

And for one star should be able to self-retrieve, and for two star be able to retrieve others.

If they do not have the training, they should only go out with an instructor (or a highly experienced adult familiar with local conditions).

Edited to add: and everyone must wear buoyancy aids. And as the sea can be really cold, neoprene for most of the year.

Adults are far better at assessing risk than a bunch of excitable 13 year olds.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, I work for the police as a call handler and the number of near fatal water incidents we attend are astounding, you only ever hear about it when kids die but the number who end up in hospital but survive are never mentioned. Do not let him go.

They might actually wear the life jackets with a parent on the beach. And it might temper some silly decisions like paddling hard out with the tide to see how fast you can go, or all getting on at once then paddling out of depth, or going out even if the board has a slow leak and stay at a decent pressure, or going out anyway even if the conditions are unfavorable.
But yes, you do have a point. If they actually get into difficultly you’d probably need a speed boat and some trained lifeguards.

This would be an easy no from me.

It's too dangerous and the stakes are so high.

When we were on holiday in Devon this year a 19yo got swept out to sea on her paddle board. Her dad and sister were frantic on the beach, luckily the coast guard found her...

You are not being unreasonable. In fact if you allow him to do this it is neglect. You have a responsibility to protect your son. The disregard for safety by whichever boys family that owns the su paddleboard is ringing alarm bells for me. It's irrelevant how many times the friend has been on the paddle board without a life jacket, all it takes is one freak wave. The sea is unpredictable, please respect it. I will put it to you like this- would you allow him to travel in a car without a seat belt? Safety must come first, you will be spoiling his fun but potentially saving his life. Keep the conversations open. Sit him down and talk to him. The rnli have lots of videos online, go through them with him. Your husband is right, he may down the line do something behind your back but you need to prepare your son to ask these important questions himself and look for danger in what he's doing. Instead of telling your son in a shouting match, give him back the facts of the scenario- no life jackets, no safety, no adult to help if there's difficulty, no real knowledge of the area, then ask him if he thinks you are being unreasonable.