Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 13 DS to go paddle boarding with his friends after school?

181 replies

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 08:47

DS wants to go to the beach (40 mins away) after school with a group of five other 13 year old boys, one of which is bringing a paddle board. The boys are sensible and all competent at swimming and paddle boarding. However, there will be no adults present, no lifeguards as they have finished for the summer and no life jackets will be worn.
My instinct is to say no but apparently all the other parents are fine with this. Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

Please vote YABU if you would be ok with this.
Or YANBU if you would also say no.

OP posts:
PerfectPringle · 15/09/2023 13:37

Say no. At that age, that should be enough and my kids would have listened to me.

Fundays12 · 15/09/2023 13:44

I am a competent and experienced paddle boarder. DC1 age 11 is also experienced at it and fairly competent but I would not allow this. We paddle board in loch's with life jackets on and when the wind is below 5mp only as unexpected winds can be very dangerous especially in the sea.

Calmdown14 · 15/09/2023 13:45

I'm always amazed how lax other parents are about this

I live on the North Sea. It's rough. But there are plenty of kids allowed out in the sharp shelving bay unsupervised. It's used by surfers but not by sea swimming groups who consider it too dangerous and interestingly the organised paddle board tours don't use it. And yet teenage boys and young paddle boarders are often out (no lifeguards here).

Similarly they jump from the harbour wall. The water is so dark it terrifies me as the idea of rescuing someone is horrific - and I am a decent swimmer with lifeguarding and canoeing experience. All of this makes me more rather than less fearful of water.

Pista41 · 15/09/2023 13:53

Sea paddling is generally regarded as advanced, the fact that they don’t plan to wear life jackets already tells you they don’t have the required competency.

I’m a paddleboarder and coastal dweller. Recently this happened to an experienced father and son near us. Ask them what they would do if they found themselves dragged miles out to sea. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-dorset-66094823

Coastguard Helicopter - generic

Paddleboarder dad rescued almost four miles out to sea off Dorset

An air and sea search lasting six hours began when a father and son were reported missing.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-dorset-66094823

Caro678 · 15/09/2023 13:58

Hard no. Life jackets and a patrolled beach or parent on the shore, or it wouldn’t be happening.

Sprogonthetyne · 15/09/2023 14:00

If it was a lifeguard beach and they were using safty equipment, then I'd say yes but probably no to the sanario you've described.

Cornishclio · 15/09/2023 14:06

Inflatable paddle boards are not for the sea. That sounds like an accident waiting to happen. I would say no without adult supervision.

Sophie89j · 15/09/2023 14:14

Our 12yo son wanted to go to the beach one day in the holidays with his mates, I said not a chance as he’s so forgetful and can get caught up in things, it only takes one idiot to suggest jumping from a cliff edge for them all to forget their own opinions and to follow…

user1471474138 · 15/09/2023 14:20

I’m going to go against the grain here and say maybe -if they were all taking paddle boards then it would be a hard no but 1 board between 5? The chances are they will be within depth and just using it to muck around/ jump off etc rather than actually paddle boarding large distances. So I think I’d probably give him a huge safety talk and tell him he wasn’t to actually paddle away from the group on the board and to discourage his friends from doing so.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 15/09/2023 14:58

I’ve voted YABU but that’s because “I” would have let MY DCs do it. That doesn’t mean that YOU should do the same. Only you know your DC and what they are capable of, so none of us can are that judgement for you.

Bronzeswim · 15/09/2023 15:09

You just need to up your game @Sparrow7.
As a teen, my friends all kayaked through the Sea s Scouts on the Thames every Monday. Most of us did a few BCU awards, some qualified as instructors.
DH grew up near the sea, bought a kayak from free ads. Went out with his older brother who equally knew nothing. DH is the one that had to call the coastguard after getting caught in a rip. He's still an idiot but mostly sticks inland.
This bunch of lads your son is going to hanging out with need the instruction, the pride & the knowledge that proper accreditation brings not a few YouTube videos and all the gear.

PollyPut · 15/09/2023 15:14

Can you see if you can somehow facitate the RNLI running courses at school? Doesn't help tonight - but generally worth a try?

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 15/09/2023 15:41

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:08

DH says he worried that if we say no then he will start lying about where he goes after school as he could of just said they are going to the leisure centre. Whereas I am worried if we say yes then he will drown :(

Sorry but that’s not the right approach and is a very slippery slope.

NewName122 · 15/09/2023 17:11

No. Nope. Defo a no from me. The sea is so unpredictable. My twin uncles both drowned while swimming as one tried saving the other. They could both swim well.

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/09/2023 17:34

MariePaperRoses · 15/09/2023 09:40

And the one on the beach sees others in trouble and all he can do is phone the coastguard and watch his friends drown whilst the coastguard is on its way.

Show quote history

How would an adult accompanying them be any different? Would they also be in the water? On the paddle board with them?

Asparagus1 · 15/09/2023 17:42

Yeah absolutely not! My 15 year old goes to the river sometimes with his friends but won’t go in because I’ve drummed into him how dangerous water is.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 15/09/2023 17:49

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/09/2023 17:34

How would an adult accompanying them be any different? Would they also be in the water? On the paddle board with them?

Show quote history

An adult is far more likely to spot danger and far more likely to stay calm and know what to do in emergency.

AffIt · 15/09/2023 17:55

A massive part of my family are / were Royal Navy / merchant mariners / fisher fleet (including lifeboat crew).

I grew up around ports and harbours and had a healthy respect of the sea and water in general drummed into me.

I'd say a hard no, having known far too many people drown or need rescued as a result of treating the sea like an enormous swimming pool.

At the very least, I'd insist on life jackets and a competent older person on shore.

AbbeyGailsParty · 15/09/2023 17:59

No. I live on the coast, very near where 2 youngsters drowned a couple of months ago.
The number of times the lifeboat is out and/or helicopter up — and that’s when someone knew there was a problem an acted promptly.
Have they checked the tides, wind speed and direction? And not wearing life jackets demonstrates stupidity.

Redrumredrumredrum · 15/09/2023 18:32

@WillowCraft
It doesn't take anyone who's ever used a manual 'a few minutes' to inflate, nevermind to the correct psi 😂😂

Weedoormatnomore · 15/09/2023 20:49

No way. There have been so many stories lately of people going paddle boarding the sea was calm then changed and people suddenly being 3 or 4 miles out at sea.

ButterflyBlush · 15/09/2023 21:11

I'd say definitely not to this - not worth the risk.

A 14 year old drowned while swimming in a busy swimming lake in France while we were on holiday 5 years ago. The lifeguard spotted him, but too late.

Lamelie · 15/09/2023 22:18

This is just the age to get them on find friends.

FoodieToo · 15/09/2023 22:33

Not a chance , I wouldn't entertain this for a second ! Amazing swimmers drown - the sea is completely unpredictable .
I have only in the last year allowed my 18 year old to swim with pals . And he has to text before he gets in and when he gets out !!

OliveWah · 15/09/2023 23:55

I wouldn't have let my DDs go at 13, but I have let the youngest go to the beach (20 mins on the train) with friends over the summer, now she's 14.5. There seems to me to be a bit of a jump in responsibility and maturity between 13 and 14 (at least there was with my DC), which means I trust her to follow the rules of not swimming out past where she can stand up easily, and staying with at least 2 others at all times.

You say your DH is worried your DS will start lying about where he is - we have Life360 on our phones and have made it a condition of them having phones (and us paying the bills!) that they leave this switched on at all times. It's really helped to ease my anxiety about them going out and about.