To not let 13 DS to go paddle boarding with his friends after school?

[Sparrow7]

DS wants to go to the beach (40 mins away) after school with a group of five other 13 year old boys, one of which is bringing a paddle board. The boys are sensible and all competent at swimming and paddle boarding. However, there will be no adults present, no lifeguards as they have finished for the summer and no life jackets will be worn.
My instinct is to say no but apparently all the other parents are fine with this. Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

Please vote YABU if you would be ok with this.
Or YANBU if you would also say no.

You're completely in the right here - excellent mumming.

Do you not have a Surf Life Saving club for young ppl there? We have them all along this bit of coast cos it's bloody dangerous. I don't think the RNLI do anything like enough education if I'm honest.

And honestly I think all children at all schools should have sea safety drummed into them. It's horrifying the stuff you see where I am & you can't even blame them, really, cos they live in-land & have no idea how dangerous it is. That said, even the most experienced locals can get caught out.

Nope. No life jacket no paddling. End of. I have this with any water activity regardless if its river, lake or sea.
Those saying river is ok should rethink without life jackets. We had a drowning in the small river in our village this summer of an adult paddle boarding. River conditions can change quickly too.
Also this summer a teenage relative got cramp in a lake and had to be towed in by a mate. They almost didn't make it.
Allowing teens to become independent is fine, within boundaries. And life jackets is a hard boundary for me. Like bike helmets. Etc etc

Is it an ocean/surf beach or a harbour beach?
If it's harbour, I would allow it. Surf beach, depends on the swell etc.

No. Weather conditions can change very quickly. Anyone who has ever watched Saving Lives at Sea will tell you that.
Slightly different if there is a lifeguard on duty and to go out without a life jacket is foolish no matter how proficient you are

Sounds great, but I think an adult of some description (not necessarily you) needs to be there.

YANBU

I grew up by the sea, there were loads of drownings, we did take risks as kids I look back and absolutely cringe. But when you read of a tragedy by drowning, railway line deaths and dangerous stuff it’s almost always boys because they muck about. There is no way I would have let my DS go.

To expand, no matter how sensible the kids are individually as a group I can guarantee they will be much more likely to behave in a reckless/ foolish way. It only takes 1 mad mate to egg the others on, or get into trouble themselves to turn the whole thing into a disaster. There’s a huge difference in maturity between a 14 yr old boy and an 18 yr old boy- kids generally but especially boys have not medically/ mentally developed the ability to see the consequences of their actions at that age. Just the fact of having an adult there, even if at a distance (up on the dunes reading a book) is a moderating influence and likely to make all the difference.

I would say no. Two adult men disappeared 2 weeks ago in my hometown, they found the board but are yet to find the bodies, the sea will return them at her convenience. The sea is not a toy or a playground, it is serious. The other parents are naive.

I am without a doubt on the relaxed end of parenting (certainly by MN standards) but this would be a no from me.

We live on the north Cornish coast. Obviously it's different on other stretches of coastline, you might be in a kite surfing or quick dip kind of area.
Paddle boards are for flat or small inland water bodies and tourists.
The local kids here have surf boards and wet suits.

If your kid has got to the independent teen stage you are already too late.

Locally, great parents start at a really young age with swimming lessons, fun swims and spending a ridiculous amount of time actually in the sea with their kids. The sea is not a special treat it's just something you do and if it's a bit rough never mind you can come back the next day.

The Surf Life Save Clubs do Nippers for young kids, all the parents stand on the beach freezing every week for a couple of hours otherwise your child can not attend.
Local clubs often run by surf schools do Friday night specials for locals, all supervised.

By the time they have got to 13/14 the idea is that the kids are pretty clued up if the sea is going to be their thing.

If you live near the sea, the beach will be your teens independent, fun space for their social life. It's unbelievably cruel to prevent them hanging out with their friends because you haven't put the ground work in.
How competent are the other kids? Do they surf? Wetsuits? Is the paddleboard actually for an inland holiday & just sat in someone's garage?

The RNLI sometimes run Swimsafe courses for tourists covering rip tides and floating. It's an hour and brilliant but no actual substitute for the hours that local kids should be putting in.

Agree with pp this is a hard No.
We are experienced paddle boarders and DS 16 sometimes comes with us - always with a life vest. Non negotiable.

Would suggest building up knowledge and experience for the future. Pp have mentioned RNLI - they run Float to Live classes at various locations - send DS and his mates if you can. They make them get in the water and practice, it’s invaluable.

Also British Canoeing do safety courses, both in person and online. DH did a safety course via Zoom. Lots of sensible advice.

Also take time to learn about tides, winds, currents. Inflatables are particularly dangerous, you can be an unswimmable distance from shore very very quickly. Useful kit -
Windy app will tell you tides, winds and current speed and direction
A small radio can be used onboard to talk to Coastguard
A waterproof bag for a working phone with a loop to go round the neck
Life vest
Leash
Dry bag for am extra layer

I know teens are unlikely to listen to all that but that’s why they shouldn’t go unsupervised. Responsibility is the price of freedom. You don’t mess with the sea.

That's a good idea

I'm also on the no side - if anything happens he wouldn't be easily seen either. I swim/paddle/mooch about in open water but have a few rules for myself

Only go to places I know are safe, and go with other people
If it's the first time I stay in my depth and listen to people who have swum there before
If it's the sea, I take a very bright tow float
If I'm tired or sore then I stay chest height
I only go alone to a safe reservoir which is the same depth all the way across (5ft)

I said no to my (slightly older) child doing this recently - DS is a competent swimmer, but even competent swimmers can get into difficulty. Go with your gut. Saying no to the odd thing that concerns you does not make you a bad parent, it makes you a caring/sensible one.

Sadly it's not almost always boys, and not always because they 'muck up'.

We have had drownings of men & women, and children, all ages, this summer.

Some are medical misadventures. Some are people unused to that particular water. It is sadly so easy to drown - you only need to swallow water the equivalent of two breath intakes to drown.

A very sad case occurred near me last week, glorious sunshine, warm water, a little girl swimming in full sight of her parent. She wasn't far out. It's not fully known what happened but it's likely a wave washed over her, she took in some water, panicked a little, and by the time this was even spotted - just a few minutes, less even - she had gone below the surface of the water & drowned.

Having assumptions around drowning is part of the problem.

Slightly different scenario but my dd was invited to a party in her friends house to celebrate finishing primary school. So she would have been 12. Her friend has a swimming pool in their garden so they were told to bring costumes, towels etc. Dd was & still is, an excellent swimmer so I was not worried about this. I was told both parents would be there all day.
I went to collect dd at the given time to be told by the parents that actually they were inviting all kids to stay over night cos they were having such a good time. I went to speak to dd in the garden & it was absolute chaos. Kids everywhere, at least 30 (whole class party) and the messing in the pool was unreal. They were all naturally excited so hyper.
I whipped dd out & told her under no circumstances was she staying.
I just got a really bad feeling about it.
I know your son won't be with 30 kids but in the sea I would absolutely not allow this without me personally being present. If I couldn't be he wouldn't be going.

We often go paddle boarding (similar age DC here) and live by the sea, it'd be an absolute no from me, trust your gut. We use life jackets, always have an adult to supervise and don't use the actual sea, sticking to biels off the sea, lakes, reservoirs which is much safer and no rip tides. If they get caught in one of those it can get serious very quickly.

Tbh though, how are they getting the equipment there and pumping it up? It'd take an age with a hand pump and likely wouldn't be inflated enough to actually be usable and then to get it deflated enough to get back in the holder and back, assuming public transport... It'd not be the adventure he's imagining I doubt they'd do that twice. It's a fair chunk of work for an adult nevermind a child.

Going on the water without a life jacket or buoyancy aid is idiotic, to say the least.

Cold water shock is a thing. It doesn't matter how good a swimmer you are.

This is a flat tourist beach on the south east coast. No surfing. Kayaking and paddle boarding are very popular, both with tourists and locals. My kids have lived here their entire lives and spent a huge amount of time in the sea. Recently they have been going swimming with friends but on a beach with lifeguards. They had swimming lessons for years, as I said in my op, DS is a competent swimmer and can kayak and paddle board. But when we go out as a family, we all wear life jackets.There have been no courses here in sea safety by RNLI or anyone else in the last 3 years I have been looking but we have thought him the basics from YouTube videos. Sorry if you don't think I've bothered to put the time in 🙄

I wouldn't. Too risky with no adult/ life guards around.

No, you are absolutely doing the right thing. Don’t ever feel badly about going with your gut.

I live by the beach and local kids drown every year (or come close) - sending 13yos out on an inflatable paddle board with no adult is an awful idea.

Absolutely not. I can only assume the people saying they think it's fine don't live near a beach that has a strong current. Paddle board, teens and no knowledge of the currents etc is asking for trouble.

Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

But that can be meaningless to be honest.

The sea is what can be classed as calm here today, but there is an offshore breeze, is there one where he wants to go. What is the tide doing at the time he wants to go in?

Two very simple questions that need to be answered and the answers very much taken into account.