To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

[MarySmit]

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

ASAP really? My DH text his mum, best friend and brothers within 20 minutes - once we knew our DD was fine and he knew I was happy. My mum was at the birth and called my Dad within about 10 minutes too.

Within three days. We shared the news too soon. It's fine for parents to wait to make the announcement.

Depends - you may be first degree, but are you involved? Does my head in when family think their priority and they do nothing to deserve it (not saying that’s you!)

If you're close to the parents and there's no traumatic birth experience, I'd expect to be told within a couple of days. Having said that, new parents have so much to think about, I wouldn't begrudge them forgetting to tell you!

Same here. And that's how we found out about nephews and nieces, We are all pretty close

DS arrived at 2230 hrs so my mum, siblings and FIL got told the next morning as late night phone calls often cause anxiety. MIL was on holiday in Spain so found out when she got back 4 days later as no way to contact her

Where did I say "should"? I simply said what was normal in my family.

Not sure why you're coming at me all aggy. You weren't the OP.

She asked for general opinions/experiences, and I gave mine.

I suggest you calm all the way down.

My dm's great nephew by her half dsisxcontacted us when his grandchildren were born. Mynhis married in 2016 and the family remain in contact.

Definitely quite quickly. Assuming everything ok

when my sister gave birth, i found out straight away. I was naturally anxious about her

same for when I gave birth . The immediate family knew within about an hour

When they are ready.

I nearly died with my first child and was unconscious for 6 hours, I came too in the middle of the night. My family knew only because they where there when it happened otherwise they wouldn't know.

My first birth was a circus with too many people so we didn't tell anyone the second time. That time my DS nearly died and was rushed to NICU and I needed 4 hours of surgery and then we where standing in NICU with our critical ill child... phoning family was the least important thing.

My 3rd was born during covid so it meant fuck all, the only reason to need to know is to be involved and they couldn't be.

Birth is a traumatic PRIVATE medical procedure entirely about the parents and baby... no one is 'entitled' to be involved (or know anything about that medical procedure) and its cringey to even think anyone apart from mother and babies (and maybe dad) matters.

nothing to do with the thread but It's definately not a lovely sunny warm evening here... its grey and has pissed down all day.

depends on the relationship and how big the family is.

my family is small, only 3 other couples to inform, so was easily done by my mom when i had my kids.

My ExH's family was HUGE, we're talking 30+ people in the 'first degree' between siblings, half siblings and various adult nephews/nieces who were treated like siblings and who we class in that group. They were all told via facebook and told to pass it on!

Funnily enough my niece, DH side, had a baby girl today and my SIL messaged us. Just as I feel it should be.

I hate hearing ‘it is your baby not theirs’ I don’t think that’s true. Why do parents think they own a baby? When it’s in the womb, yes, it belongs to the mum. After birth: The baby is a human in its own right, with its own rights and relationships. The baby has a mum/dad and its own first degree family. It is not property.

To be honest, when I’ve just had a baby, my priority is me and the baby. I’m in no rush to tell others.

I think last time I told my mum and let her tell siblings. I can’t see a problem with that.

Lots of these answers assume that the mother has no family members who care about her welfare, who love her, who might be concerned for her.

Much as some mumsnetters complain that they're just seen as a vessel for the grandchild, in my experience that's not remotely true.

For those lucky to have immediate family living, and loving them, those days that some posters here say are "all about me and the baby and no-one else's business" are days when those people are trying to hide the fact that they're on pins, and desperately hoping that mother and baby are going to come through the birth safely and well.

I remember when my MIL saw me for the first time when I was home after giving birth, she hugged me like she'd never let me go. "I'm so relieved...I was SO worried about you" she said. I was touched by her love, but bemused that she'd been worried. Now that I'm a GM I totally understand.

So yes, please give a thought to those who love you and are both excited and concerned at this point in life.

Maybe my baby is an introvert and doesn't want the fucking circus traipsing through while they recover from their head still being fanny shaped.

Or maybe just maybe the birth is MY medical procedure and nothing to do with anyone else.

I gave birth to my first baby a few weeks ago. My DP rang my parents pretty much immediately and then he rang his parents a few hours later. Our parents told our siblings maybe 1-2 days later. I'm really close to my brother but it didn't even occur to me to text or ring him. I just assumed my parents would tell him. Maybe your sister thought the same?

I assume there's a reason for that though?
My dh was estranged from.his dad for 30 years his dad died recently we only found out when the police knocked on our door at 4.30 am a,few weeks he had six grandchildren I think he knew about 1 maybe two of them
In a,typucal.relationship like the one I have with my parents my parents were told within in a hour or so.if each of their four grand children's birth .

Hi Op, I am with you, it is bizarre for your DSis not to inform you regarding the birth of her child, either directly or by requesting close family to do so. When my own Dsis had a child my parents were also in the hospital, waiting outside the OT as it is the custom abroad. They were told by my BIL as soon as the baby was born and asked to convey the message to immediate family. My DM called me immediately and let me know and Dsis called me as soon as she was out of recovery and in the ward, as she had a c-section. She wanted me to announce the birth of my niece on SM. I would have been heartbroken if I hadn’t found out for days and that too by chance. So you are definitely Not being unreasonable.

I don't know what a first degree relative is, I would say either you are nuclear family (mother/father/kids) or extended family.

if someone has given birth, it's up to them when they tell you - sometimes birth comes with a whole host of complications and medical issues and the last priority is to run around telling others.

Sometimes relatives can be overbearing and pushy about wanting to visit so the new parents might just be enjoying their bonding time without having to deal with others.

Their baby, their rules.

Don’t siblings usually find out via their parents?

So I would expect to be told within 24 hours of the parents being notified. If no parents alive, I would expect to be notified within three days. My family are large and very laid back though…