To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

[MarySmit]

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

Here's the definition
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/First-degree_relative

That is so sad. But I’m sure there is a massive backstory. I’m not judging you at all. 🌺

We told our families and close friends within the first hour of our baby being born. We don't see DD as being just ours, she's a niece and a granddaughter too and those relationships are very important in our families. It's something we wanted to share with our loved ones as soon as we could.

I think its highly unusual to keep the birth to yourself, I've only ever heard of it on here and I find it very odd.

I agree @allmyliesaretrue

No, not in my circles. I've known when all my best friends have been in labour and have known within the hour when the baby has been born.

I knew my sister was in labour because the first time I was with her when she was at home and the 2nd time I was minding her eldest.

I wonder if they just assumed that other close family already told you or that you already knew. I have to admit, that beyond the people I told that I was going into labor, I only ever sent out birth notices with the first kid. And those came weeks later to people out of town. Everyone else was either told by me that a labor was happening or was told by immediate family as I was obviously in a hospital and then taking care of a baby. These days, I would probably just send out a notice on social media, which they probably did do. This is how these announcements are made these days, usually. Maybe they didn't or you don't have the same social media as them.

It sounds a bit like your relationship might be strained from this last comment.

Is the mother, your sister in law op?

Thanks for the definition pp.

Sounds like OP is a grandparent to this child, so extended family to this nuclear family. As mentioned before the parents must (collectively) want some peace and quiet to not want to tell OP that the child has been born. If other people have been told then there is clearly some strain on the relationship and a reason why OP hasn't been told. Being a relative doesn't give automatic access if behaviours have historically been bad or unacceptable.

Again it's their baby (not OP's) so it's up to the parents if/when to tell OP and only they will decide how much involvement OP will have, if at all.

We used to put it in the paper. Telegram/phone call to grandparents. They tell everyone else. Parents to busy and excited to be phoning, emailing or whatever. My brother-in-law announced the arrival of his second grandchild by telephone and it was the third item (for which I berated him). No contact from our niece to her uncle or aunts - she told her dog-training clients, however (who showered her with gifts). I imagine her parents told her brothers. I was not bothered by this.

Again it's their baby (not OP's) so it's up to the parents if/when to tell OP and only they will decide how much involvement OP will have, if at all.

...and there are innumerable posts about grandparents and aunts who 'don't make enough effort' to see the babies and children in their close family/buy then enough gifts.

If you're going to take the view that the parent is the gatekeeper at all times, then don't expect your parents and siblings to be involved in or care about your pregnancy, attend/help with/buy gifts for baby showers and gender reveals, or provide childcare. Or all the other stuff that being a supportive and caringfamily is about

I think from the thread we have established others have been told but not Op.

there is no Should or shouldnt about announcing a birth
no rules

How on earth have you made that judgement from op’s posts?!

But those posts are not from the same families are they? Every family is different and has a different dynamic and in particular every family with strained relations is strained it its own way (to mangle a phrase) as PPs here show.

We didn't tell my parents when I went into labour the first time as we knew how much anxiety it would cause my father in particular. We did let them know as soon as I was out of danger after a traumatic birth and frankly didn't mention any details about it at the time. My FiL on the other hand had said if it happened at night, wait until the next morning to let them know. Different needs, different expectations from different people.

Every birth and what the new mother can cope with will also be different. I struggled to cope with people at all beyond my own parents for a few days after the birth. If either of us had the kind of family who take a birth announcement as an invitation to open house with full guest services laid on then we might not have told people so soon. I had the other DC at home, was up and about the next morning each time and could cheerfully have welcomed the hordes within a couple of days.

There is no one size fits all in this but if there is a conflict of wants, then the focus does have to be on the needs of the new parents, particularly the mother who has just given birth.

Thinking about it we also relied on the grandparents to cascade the info around families. However mine were all born in the 90s so pre whatsapp groups!

I remember my FiL describing keeping the money to once side for a telegram to the new grandparents the next day - none of the families were on the phone. Grandparents then cascaded through the family and everyone else had to wait for letters. Telegrams were very expensive, especially if international.

I think it depends. I know someone who's husband sent a text to everyone fairly quickly after the birth.

His mother turned up at the hospital within 30 mins.

I think they delayed telling anyone with child number two.

When I had my DCs, my husband dealt with messaging everyone to tell them once I was on the postnatal wars and we were sure everything was fine and he wasn't needed for anything. But he was an emotional and exhausted wreck, and he definitely missed people. He went through my contacts list on my phone and texted everyone he recognised as relevant, but it's very easy to skip one by mistake.

He also put it on fb, which scooped up everyone else.

Could it have been something as simple as that?

I'm guessing that he talked about two other things during the call, before mentioning the new arrival.

Agree and what is considered a caring/supportive family differs for others.

Caring and supportive family to me is family that ask and let you know if you need anything that they’re there, not taking it upon themselves to assume that you need help or they can come over whenever and “help” with the baby. I still find the focus on who was informed first and what not a strange thing and weird competition between people when I highly doubt who was being told is meant to be personal snubs by parents after having a baby. The last thing I was thinking about was every person that needed to know that baby was here. I was more focused on baby, keeping up with my fluid intake and hoping for a private room to open up.

Never heard of first degree family, ridiculous. They very obviously do not think your important enough to be told.

Depends entirely on the family dynamics .If you don't have a close or even cordial relationship then parents of the baby may have decided ,they don't want to share the news . Why bother if the person won't be in the child's life.?

@Bunnyhair neither does mine.

Last saw him a month before I announced he was pregnant, he hasn't seen or spoken to us since. Two grand-kids he has never met.