Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to have my own seat in the lounge?

239 replies

seahorseyo · 11/09/2023 20:30

Dh and I have always had places we sit, I sit on one end of a massive corner sofa and he sits in the middle where it makes an L and that been the way for years.
Adult DS moved back home recently after living with a partner for 7 years (longer than we've lived in this house or had this sofa) and sits in my seat, I used to ask him to move up but he seems to like that seat (as I do ) because there's a table and charging port so argues he can sit there if nobody's in it.
But even if I'm not in it I'm only up for a minute pottering about and then he's in my seat again.

AIBU do other people have their seats in the house or am I selfish as he pays his way and it should be first come first serve?

OP posts:
IndigoLaFaye · 22/09/2023 11:34

This one makes me laugh. My parents (and now me) have a favourite spot. Dads was the best one and we (me and siblings) would jump in it every chance we got, however we moved when he came back in the room. He didn’t even need to ask. It was dads chair.
Now my sibs have moved out and Dad passed away and it’s my spot (mum has her own). However when an older family friend came to stay mum seemed to expect me to give it up for him which annoyed me. I didn’t say anything if he sat it first just sat elsewhere but I didn’t appreciate the “claim” of it either.
First world problems

Dramatic · 22/09/2023 11:37

I'm another one with a seat that's just mine. I have no problem with the kids sitting it in when I'm not there but I will be sitting in it when I actually finally get to sit down of an evening.

MoonShinesBright · 22/09/2023 12:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Angelil · 22/09/2023 12:09

WTAF? “That’s my seat”? Are we in primary school?

Astrabees · 22/09/2023 12:12

How very odd! I have never heard of allocated seating in your own home before, We just sit where we like.

pontipinemum · 22/09/2023 12:14

My DS is 1 so just sprawls on me, but DH and I have our own spots on the couch.
At ILs they have their own chairs, I've never sat in MILs but I used to sit in FILs a lot to breastfeed, I got away with it then but get up if he comes in and I'm in his seat.

Growing up my parents had their 'spots' too and if they came in to sit down we moved.

Timeisallwehave · 22/09/2023 12:14

We don’t have seats allocated. My mother used to sit in one seat but as children if we did sit in it, she didn’t mind. Also as adults I should add, she would get out off it if we saw her enter the room but she would always say don’t get up etc.

goldbraid · 22/09/2023 12:14

It's your house, if you are not there then sure he can use it but if you come in to sit down he should move and let you sit there. When I lived at home as a young adult my parents had their own seats they liked I sat in them sometimes but if they came in I would move automatically its a matter of respect for your parents, your elders and the householders.

goldbraid · 22/09/2023 12:19

He's a bloody adult and it is her home where she has been kind enough to let him move back in, which is very welcoming in my view! He can move out in to his own place if he wants the best seating position and everything to suit himself, he sits in her seat if she gets up for 2 minutes. Its her privilege as the householder and mother to pick where she wants to sit!

theemmadilemma · 22/09/2023 12:26

LisaD1 · 11/09/2023 20:35

Yes I have my seat and if my dc sits in it
they move when I come
in. Your DC is cheeky as!

This is how I was raised. And I expect DH to move if hes taking up my space. But he wasn't raised that way and it seemed to confuse him a bit.

Mikimoto · 22/09/2023 12:27

You're in my spot!

Ffion21 · 22/09/2023 12:29

I think this is more of an elderly generation thing as also remembered my kids doing this when I was a kid and we moved out the chairs.

I have a spot in the evening, but before bed if son sits there I just sit somewhere else.

add a charger and table to the other end of the sofa?

Janieforever · 22/09/2023 12:31

Ffion21 · 22/09/2023 12:29

I think this is more of an elderly generation thing as also remembered my kids doing this when I was a kid and we moved out the chairs.

I have a spot in the evening, but before bed if son sits there I just sit somewhere else.

add a charger and table to the other end of the sofa?

Um I’m late 40s and we do this. As does our young adult daughter.

Cailin66 · 22/09/2023 12:31

seahorseyo · 11/09/2023 20:33

Yes we have a huge corner sofa.

Myself and my husband have our seats, at opposite ends of the couch. We don't mind others sitting there when we are not going to watch television etc, (so more daytime.) But it's annoying when we are sitting down for a movie to have to ask an adult child to move. If the full family are here the children fight over positions, but we parents keep our spots always.

Same as we sleep on certain sides of our bed.

Cat and dog also fought over their positions on the other couch. I often gave out to the cat about it.

For dining we also have our seats, as do the children, if they are all here. We changed the children's positions years ago so the one that annoyed us all was put down the end.

And we did the same in the car. Long car journeys meant they were in the back of the family car.

Child 2 is not allowed to drive if Child 1 is there, because Child 2 is a bad driver who thinks they know it all (young adult). They give out to everybody about how to drive, which I've forbidden and was told it was their free speech rights.

My car, my house, my bed, my sofa. And we live here permanently while the children do not. But it was the same when they were younger.

pinkyredrose · 22/09/2023 12:32

YANBU. How old is he?

Onedayatattime · 22/09/2023 12:36

Very confused about this. Can't you just sort out your chargers, charge phones at night. Off all the things to pick arguments about, is it worth it?

herewegoagainfriends · 22/09/2023 12:36

I hadn't really thought about this or noticed it, but everyone in my family does have a preferred seat. Other people sit there if they're out of the house, but they generally move when the rightful sitter returns.

SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 22/09/2023 12:41

Your house, your rules. He can buy an extra long charging cable for under £10.

NoTouch · 22/09/2023 12:44

If we are watching TV I have one seat I sit in and resident family are considerate of each other. The one I sit in I can hear the TV best or I need the volume up higher which no one likes, and I can see without having to put my glasses on (different angles and distance make a difference) , it has an arm to the left to lean on as I get uncomfortable leaning the other way.

dh has two positions he prefers (one on the floor!), ds(19) with his young eyes and ears doesn't care where he sits.

If we have visitors we don't tend to watch TV so anyone sits anywhere.

Your house your choice what the rules are within the realms of reasonable and having a preferred seat is very common and certainly not unreasonable. Your son should show more consideration and respect, but that the issue with the way some are raising the younger generation. Complete unawareness of others and over inflated sense of entitlement.

cheezncrackers · 22/09/2023 12:44

Your seat? It's a sofa FFS! First come, first served. If you want to be petty and sit in a particular spot, you need to sit down first.

wotanarse · 22/09/2023 12:44

You obviously need a sofa rota.

Laiste · 22/09/2023 12:48

Great thread!

It's 50/50 it seems.

Thinking about it, our set up is v specific;

I have a seat. It has all my stuff by it. I never it anywhere else and i'd be shocked to find anyone else in it.

DH's is a bit more fluid he has stuff in various places AND a chair by his hobby which no one else would want to sit in (he covets my spot and says it was his but it wasn't) so has 2/3 he'll chose from depending what he's doing and where the adult kids are.

The 2 DCs who still live full time at home (one under 10 and one over 20) never sit in my spot, they have their own chosen spots. They defend their spots and will shift any cats, belongings or other people to gain access to them.

The DC who lives at home part time doesn't have a chosen spot, isn't fussed and she sits where ever there's a gap.

The DC who has her own home still has her spot at ours and when she visits she will sit in it even if she has to move cats, belongings or Part Time DC !

Laiste · 22/09/2023 12:49

Oh and we have chargers everywhere otherwise all hell breaks loose!

Nonplusultra · 22/09/2023 12:50

I think there might be something wrong with me - my seat/side of the bed is always the other one. I just instinctively fit around other people. Absolutely wouldn’t have dared unseat my df or dm and my dsis was very Sheldon about her spot too. I’ve even been known to get up for the cat.

Mulhollandmagoo · 22/09/2023 12:53

Me and my husband have our own 'spots' on the sofa, and your son is a grown man, who you are letting live with you until he gets on his feet - so yeah, I think you're fine to want your own seat.

I mean, if he doesn't like he he can always get his own house, and his own sofa and sit wherever he likes