To expect to have my own seat in the lounge?

[seahorseyo]

Dh and I have always had places we sit, I sit on one end of a massive corner sofa and he sits in the middle where it makes an L and that been the way for years.
Adult DS moved back home recently after living with a partner for 7 years (longer than we've lived in this house or had this sofa) and sits in my seat, I used to ask him to move up but he seems to like that seat (as I do ) because there's a table and charging port so argues he can sit there if nobody's in it.
But even if I'm not in it I'm only up for a minute pottering about and then he's in my seat again.

AIBU do other people have their seats in the house or am I selfish as he pays his way and it should be first come first serve?

TIL that being territorial over an armchair to the point of swearing at people over it, and thinking saying "tough shit" makes you well hard, is a sign of maturity...

OK I apologise, I didn't realise swearing meant I was "well hard" what I should have said was "tough toodles, my house, my chair" or better yet "could you please refrain from sitting in my favourite chair dear child, I appreciate you like sitting here too, but as it is my sofa and as I am paying the bills I believe I have the right to choose where I sit, thank you kindly" for the more civilised folk amongst us

The only people I've ever known who had their own seats are my FIL and my grandfather who both ruled the roost and were arseholes.

I remember another relative sitting in my FILs seat once and FIL caused a huge fuss and ruined a family celebration.

So no, we all just sit anywhere and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why are you apologising?

You, like most posters, are territorial over armchairs to the point where you'd weaponise bills to try to turf someone out of one and even swear at them for it if you don't get pulled up for it. (You're not alone in that, to be fair.) Why's everyone going on about bills, anyway? OP's son pays his way, plus PP have confirmed that this wouldn't apply to a working man with a SAHM partner, so the reason isn't actually anything to do with bills.

I'm mildly interested as to what makes so many people so angrily territorial about where they park their bums (only very mildly, mind). Maybe lots of people have badly laid out living rooms where most of the seats are shit.

It’s a free for all here, but it’s downright rude to swap seats if someone has just gone to the toilet/ to get a drink.

This is hilarious! In our house anyone is welcome to sit anywhere… we had a lovely Ukrainian lady come to stay for a bit and she tried on an ornamental mask that’s special to me (without asking) and broke it a bit. My six year old daughter found that unforgivable! From that day on she practically growled at her!

It’s a bit like Goldilocks and the three bears- Only you are meant to all be equal and nothing’s even got broken!

I tried to explain to my daughter that we need to look for the good in everyone and we can’t be possessive about our things. We need to love everyone and especially those in need. Your son has clearly gone through a tough time and you need to include him/let him feel welcome and equal.

Sure you could say, ‘Can I have this seat when I come back?’ When you get up to potter about but surely you can’t ask him to leave it vacant whilst you’re not even using it?!

Personally I’m open with seats but I grew up with everyone having their own spot, so maybe this is why I’m not fussed.
My dad always had the best seat directly in front of the tv, my mum next to him and me and my 3 sisters then had our own spots. Us
kids could mix it up if it didn’t cause arguments but we could never our parents seats.
I could sit in one of their seats if the living room was free but if they came in i knew to move.
writing it out makes it sound a bit much and strict but they’re not. My dad just worked hard and wanted to unwind in front of the tv with his wife so that was that and I always respected it.
maybe tell your son you have your spot - he will probably get it. It’s like having your side of the bed.

Notice how noone ever steals the place of "the man of the house", your DH.

Its the patriarchy, tell him to move!!

‘Oi! Get off, that’s my seat.’
I have a whole sofa to myself - long enough to stretch out on 🙂but unless we have guests it’s just me and dh. I do allow guests to sit there - they’re not to know.

This is interesting to me.

Its just the kids and I here, and for a while we were all gravitating to a particular seat.

DD finds it annoying if DS now sits in her seat - and I was unsure whether to stop him (she’s older) or just say “well that means you can’t complain if she takes your seat”

I wouldn't do anything to encourage this weird inexplicable territorialism.

What I find interesting is that ideas are so polarised and both sides believe so completely that they are correct!

DD has quite a bit of anxiety, which she’s had a lot of help with over the years, so she likes things predictable. DS has ADHD so hates the idea of being left out or excluded from anything - which is a real feature of ADHD. So it’s more complicated really.

The chair that DD likes is the worst chair in my opinion (rocking chair) but each to their own.

What I find interesting is that ideas are so polarised and both sides believe so completely that they are correct!

Well yes, but only one side is full of swearing, posturing and willy waggling over it (or whatever the female equivalent is), blathering about paying bills except for when that doesn't count etc etc.

If one person needs a particular chair because they have a bad back or something, that's one thing. It's pretty obvious that that isn't what's going on here. Some people are just weirdly territorial about where they plonk their bums and they can't even say why (like I said, it's bills until it's not bills).

We have our own seats and when our children/children in law/grandchildren are in the house I will still have my seat !!! if I want it. Sometimes I don't want to sit still and then offer them my seat. Also, if they see I'm still moving around they will ask : are you coming or can I have your seat. It's the privilege of my 6year old grandson to take my place 😊