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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to have my own seat in the lounge?

239 replies

seahorseyo · 11/09/2023 20:30

Dh and I have always had places we sit, I sit on one end of a massive corner sofa and he sits in the middle where it makes an L and that been the way for years.
Adult DS moved back home recently after living with a partner for 7 years (longer than we've lived in this house or had this sofa) and sits in my seat, I used to ask him to move up but he seems to like that seat (as I do ) because there's a table and charging port so argues he can sit there if nobody's in it.
But even if I'm not in it I'm only up for a minute pottering about and then he's in my seat again.

AIBU do other people have their seats in the house or am I selfish as he pays his way and it should be first come first serve?

OP posts:
WednesdayLounge · 11/09/2023 23:38

I agree with all the posters who say first come first served... DH though would be firmly on your side and always sits in the same spot

KajsaKavat · 11/09/2023 23:40

How crazy to have a seat you have to sit in, I would never entertain this insane rule in my house.

Tinkerbyebye · 11/09/2023 23:41

It’s your seat, he moves. If he doesn’t like it he can find somewhere else to live

VeridicalVagabond · 11/09/2023 23:47

I have a seat that's so much my seat it has my butt indent in it. I don't think I'd be upset if anyone else sat there though, it's very comfy.

mrsfollowill · 11/09/2023 23:57

In this house we all have our seats- I know it's a bit Sheldon but we all have our 'spot' when there is just the permanent residents here. Would be unheard of to sit randomly. If we have visitors (plural) we re- arrange things a bit but that is rare in these post covid times!
If we have one visitor they get the visitor spot next to me on the sofa, DH has his chair- DS had his chair and I have the sofa! it's the law in this house. For an adult moving back in - he needs to find another spot that is not yours!
Thinking back when I was a child there was always Dad's chair. Best in the house naturally- good view of TV, coffee table for his cuppa and massive ashtray! My mum had the sofa (best end- also good view, table for her too) I sat the other end of the 3 seater sofa (no table) My younger sister sat on the floor against the radiator.

Webmeister999 · 12/09/2023 00:03

My house, my rules.

f someone sits in my seat in my house I jolly soon move them. When I visit with a relative I sit where they indicate or ask "where shall I sit?".

An adult child who moves back in is a guest and they obey the house rules or leave.

NoSaladThanks · 12/09/2023 00:25

Everyone in my family knows that my seat is only for me.
I have everything set up around my seat for me.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2023 00:28

KajsaKavat · 11/09/2023 23:40

How crazy to have a seat you have to sit in, I would never entertain this insane rule in my house.

Maybe you don't have vision issues and have to sit in a particular seat to see properly

CarolinaInTheMorning · 12/09/2023 00:36

NoSaladThanks · 12/09/2023 00:25

Everyone in my family knows that my seat is only for me.
I have everything set up around my seat for me.

Same for me. My reading glasses, my coaster, my pens, a little notepad, etc. No one sits in my seat but me. Although sometimes the dog occupies it when I am out of the room. But she always moves over and makes room for me.

HarrietJet · 12/09/2023 00:38

Sofasurfer23 · 11/09/2023 20:36

Oh no this annoyed me, my mum made us all move out of her seat like second class people.

I wouldn’t ask them to move all the time. If you’re just popping to the toilet and coming back, say so and add in don’t steal my seat I’m coming back in 2 mins.

Yeah, my Dad did this too. It doesn't happen in my house.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 12/09/2023 04:59

If I wasn't home and I returned and he was sitting there then that is fair game. No issues. But if I just got up to do something and he stole my seat, I would be annoyed.

If he is so insistent on sitting in that seat, tell him go buy his own sofa, along with his own home 🙂

hylian · 12/09/2023 05:23

He should be respectful that it's your house and your sofa. Don't ask him to move up. Tell him!

I wouldn't dream of sitting in my parents' spots in their lounge. Doesn't matter if he's living with you at the moment - it's still your house.

HoppingPavlova · 12/09/2023 05:23

First come first served here, no one can have a ‘spot’. Anyone can sit anywhere. Although, obviously if you are sitting there and just get up with the intention to go to toilet, make quick cuppa and return and it’s a ‘full house’ on the lounge then it’s rude for someone to jump in to your spot but we all say that ‘I’m going to loo/make cuppa/get drink’. Then someone is likely to say ‘mum is sitting there’. If you get up to do hoovering or make dinner, put washing on or whatnot then that seat is gone/up for grabs.

Goldbar · 12/09/2023 05:45

Everyone should have their spot. People are generally creatures of habit. It's entirely usual to claim a space and for others tacitly to agree to it when there are sufficient resources (i.e. ample free seating), and it generally makes everyone feel more comfortable and less anxious. There's a lot of psychology behind this.

If your DS is unhappy with the choice of 'free' seating, the answer is not for him to nick your seat but to invest in making a comfortable spot for him that he can claim as his own - so a second table/charger that he can use, plus maybe a reading light?

Sugarcoatt · 12/09/2023 06:21

I sometimes make my DS move because I need to be in the corner with back and arm support. If I was young and fit I probably wouldn’t move him, but he doesn’t need that spot like I do.

BrokenButNotFinished · 12/09/2023 06:42

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2023 00:28

Maybe you don't have vision issues and have to sit in a particular seat to see properly

Show quote history

That was exactly my point. All the people saying it's ‘controlling’ don’t seem to have considered that not everyone is young and springy with perfect vision and hearing. I haven’t been able to ‘just sit anywhere’ since I was pregnant with my first child…

NewLifter · 12/09/2023 06:54

I grew up in a home where my parents had their seats. Everyone knows not to sit there, neighbours, friends, even small grandchildren. Your DS is being really disrespectful.

We don't really have this in my house in the lounge but we definitely do at the dining table and in the car.

Cherrysoup · 12/09/2023 07:07

Very rude. I’d make him move.

DryIce · 12/09/2023 07:24

I've never heard of the designated seats rule, seems wild to me. Am now paranoid I have mortally offended acquaintances by sitting in the wrong seat on a visit.

Having said that, it's not my house. If you all agree there are reserved seats , you should ask him not to sit in yours

itsgettingweird · 12/09/2023 07:28

My parents had their seats growing up. Even as adult children visiting we didn't sit in their seats!

I know have my own seat.

But there is just me and adult ds here (he's just turned 19). We got new sofas a few years ago and I got a cuddle swivel chair and he got a 2 seater. I let him choose his knowing I'd never sit in it 🤣🤣

Xrays · 12/09/2023 07:28

That would really annoy me. We all have a spot. He can’t have yours.

itsgettingweird · 12/09/2023 07:29

As as weird as this may seem my mum has died now and it took ages when we were visiting for any of us to sit in "her" seat. It just wasn't natural!

Catsmere · 12/09/2023 07:31

Far as I'm concerned, the only acceptable seat-stealing is when it's done by pets. Humans can move their arse or move out!

CurlewKate · 12/09/2023 07:31

I thought everybody had their own seat- I don't think I know anyone who doesn't! What about seats at the dining table? Surely everyone does that! <doubts self>

DryIce · 12/09/2023 07:44

Our dining table is a free for all also 😂

This is honestly blowing my mind. Should I ask at people's houses where I can sit?!

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