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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to have my own seat in the lounge?

239 replies

seahorseyo · 11/09/2023 20:30

Dh and I have always had places we sit, I sit on one end of a massive corner sofa and he sits in the middle where it makes an L and that been the way for years.
Adult DS moved back home recently after living with a partner for 7 years (longer than we've lived in this house or had this sofa) and sits in my seat, I used to ask him to move up but he seems to like that seat (as I do ) because there's a table and charging port so argues he can sit there if nobody's in it.
But even if I'm not in it I'm only up for a minute pottering about and then he's in my seat again.

AIBU do other people have their seats in the house or am I selfish as he pays his way and it should be first come first serve?

OP posts:
Mirabai · 11/09/2023 22:10

Your house your rules. He can get his own sofa and annoy someone else.

GrumpyPanda · 11/09/2023 22:18

Next time he tries this, make a sound like you're chasing a cat away.

How interesting he's not doing this to your DH.

tiredofthenoise · 11/09/2023 22:20

I have a preferred seat. For those who don't 'get it', do you have 'your' side of the bed, if you're married or live with a partner? It's the same thing. I keep my things (books, for example) on the table by my side. It's familiar and comfortable.

When MIL last came to visit us for a couple of weeks, she sometimes sat in 'my spot', and I didn't say anything, because she was our guest and it was only a couple of weeks, but if someone moved in to live with us for several months or possibly years, I'd resent being repeatedly kicked out of my preferred seat, particularly if they knew it was 'my spot'.

If you move back in with your parents or even room with friends who already have an established routine, you should do everything you can, within reason, to let them carry on as they did before you arrived. It's disrespectful to do otherwise.

crumblingschools · 11/09/2023 22:22

Everyone has their own seat including the dog! Only changes if we have a guest

BrokenButNotFinished · 11/09/2023 22:23

Presumably all the people saying that it’s a first come, first served free-for-all don’t have any problems with their back or pelvis and can hear the television from anywhere in the room… 🙄

43ontherocksporfavor · 11/09/2023 22:25

First come, first served.

43ontherocksporfavor · 11/09/2023 22:26

Was always the rule in my house growing up that if you leave the room, your seat is up for grabs! 😁

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 11/09/2023 22:33

Yanbu. Possible solutions.
Take the sear cushion when you get up.
Put up a sign saying £30 penalty fee for anybody who sits there.
Have an almighty loud hissy fit if he sits there.
Bollards.

Nanny0gg · 11/09/2023 22:33

My mum and dad always had their own chairs
We have our own sofa (2 of us)

If we have visitors we sit wherever but just us we sit on 'our' sofa

caringcarer · 11/09/2023 22:37

DH, me and DFS all have our own seats.

OnTheBoardwalk · 11/09/2023 22:38

Shift him it's your seat but agree if you can , get more charging points around the seating area, I think that’s the issue that could be resolved

Guiltridden12345 · 11/09/2023 22:38

seahorseyo · 11/09/2023 20:30

Dh and I have always had places we sit, I sit on one end of a massive corner sofa and he sits in the middle where it makes an L and that been the way for years.
Adult DS moved back home recently after living with a partner for 7 years (longer than we've lived in this house or had this sofa) and sits in my seat, I used to ask him to move up but he seems to like that seat (as I do ) because there's a table and charging port so argues he can sit there if nobody's in it.
But even if I'm not in it I'm only up for a minute pottering about and then he's in my seat again.

AIBU do other people have their seats in the house or am I selfish as he pays his way and it should be first come first serve?

I have never understood ‘seats’ in families. My dad has one. When my daughter sat in it, he said it was his chair. She said ‘why isn’t it everyone’s chair to sit in?’. He had no answer. Because there is no reasonable answer. in a family, you have sofa spots or chairs, you share them, you snuggle, you mix it up. Claiming particular seats is weird, selfish and controlling. Like my dad.

Sometimeswinning · 11/09/2023 22:44

I always worried I was a bit off with my spot thing. It’s good to see I’m not alone. Only if my kids are ill will I accept that they need to be left.

QS90 · 11/09/2023 22:47

We've never been a "respective seats" family, but then again, it's your house your rules. I stay with my parents for chunks at a time in the school holidays as I have 2 DC. The rules at their house are different to how I live in my own home, but I respect them, same as I would if I was at anyone else's.

Does he also dash into your seat, if he's already seated elsewhere in the room, just because you get up to nip to the loo? If so, that would be a bit cheeky anywhere imo.

QS90 · 11/09/2023 22:48

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 11/09/2023 22:33

Yanbu. Possible solutions.
Take the sear cushion when you get up.
Put up a sign saying £30 penalty fee for anybody who sits there.
Have an almighty loud hissy fit if he sits there.
Bollards.

😂😂😂

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/09/2023 22:50

We don’t really have “spots” in this house, although we do all tend to gravitate to certain places. My Dd is quite protective of what you would think is the worst spot, now you come to mention it…

The thing that gives me pause here is I don’t like the idea of a young man pushing his mother out of her accustomed seat. Or trying to. It doesn’t sit right with me. And I also think it’s interesting he does it to you and not your DH.

I also agree though that more charging points could be the answer

billy1966 · 11/09/2023 22:51

OP, it is your house and your sofa and your spot.

He is cheeky and disrespectful.

After 7 years you have generously allowed him to return home.

He is welcome to look for his own place and sofa if it is an issue.

I wouldn't tolerate this.

I don't have one particular spot but if I did, I wouldn't tolerate his behaviour for a minute.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/09/2023 22:54

CurlewKate · 11/09/2023 22:02

He's a man. Of course he gets his choice of seats.

This is what concerns me too!

It’s like when young men want to sit in the front with their mothers in the back. I don’t like that at all either.

kweeble · 11/09/2023 22:54

I’d ask him to leave pdq if he can’t respect you enough to leave your seat free.

Lizzieregina · 11/09/2023 22:55

No one ever expects to stay in my seat for more than 5 mins! If they’re settling in for the evening, they’ve got to move, but if it’s a short stay, that’s ok.

Everyone knows where I sit. My DH sits on the other end of the corner unit, but not always the same spot.

Costacoffeeplease · 11/09/2023 23:06

I have to use an electric bed as my ‘seat’ in the living room, so no one steals it 😊

RantyAnty · 11/09/2023 23:09

Isn't it interesting he's taking your seat and not DHs seat?

Tell him firmly once and for all that's your seat and to stay out of it.

Gymnopedie · 11/09/2023 23:21

In what other ways is he expecting to change your ways of doing things to suit him? Somehow I feel this isn't going to be the only one.

MsLavender · 11/09/2023 23:33

Claiming particular seats is weird, selfish and controlling.

Selfish and controlling to want to sit in a seat you paid for in a house you own/rent? OP isn't the weird one here.

gingerbreadbuns · 11/09/2023 23:33

I have my own spot but then again i live alone .