To be annoyed with a wedding invite I've received?

[shooflyer]

We received a wedding invite via email the other day from DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture, but I’ve found the invite poorly worded and planned out. And I’m also a little miffed about the spelling errors 😑

The invite has no structured timings for the day. It only has a ‘guest arrival’ time, and states that food will be served afterwards. WTF does that mean? When does the wedding / ceremony actually start? How long after the ceremony will food be served (just thinking whether my children will be starving and if I need to plan for that.) I’ve been to another of of their family ‘events’ where the party was scheduled to at 7pm but we didn’t eat dinner until 11:20! My children were starving!!!

Three out of the 4 members of our family (DP and both children) had their names spelled wrong on the invite! My husband is close family with the bride and we see them fairly regularly!

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

When I was married wedding etiquette was quite a big deal. I ensured that everyone’s names were spelled correctly despite more than half being from an unfamiliar language / culture than mine. Sometimes I had to go through several other family members to get the correct spelling! And I made sure everyone knew the exact order of the day so that they knew exactly when and where they had to be.

Has etiquette changed significantly now? This side of the family are fairly well off and well educated. Most are lawyers, doctors, small business owners etc, so I'm really most annoyed about the spelling.

another interesting first post @shooflyer

Ofgs. You sound like a terrible snob. Perhaps English isn’t their first language? I was once invited to a Hindu wedding, it would never have dawned on me to ask any questions, I went with the flow and it was the most beautiful and interesting wedding I’ve ever been to. And I hate weddings.

I live in a diverse area and Asian weddings (or the celebration of such) can go on for several days. Ive also visited weddings in Morocco. There are no timings because things may happen much more loosely than at a western wedding. You just have to go with the flow.

As for the food aspect I would eat something beforehand (if you feel you cannot wait) as the meal may not appear until later.

The spelling errors would not bother me and I think you are being a bit precious about that. This family want you to share their special day. Asian weddings are known for their hospitality. I went outside in the garden once to see the guests in their colourful costumes arriving and was called over to the house and offered a seat and food although I knew no one there. It would have seemed standoffish to refuse so I did go across for an hour.

Tbh this sounds like lots of the Asian weddings I’ve been to. Timings go out the window but everything is fab so nobody cares/notices.
Surely, if you’re married to someone from the this cultural/ethnic group you’d know this already?

Yes that is the bit I do not understand. Surely there would have been a number of wedding invites?

So you're annoyed because people who are of a different culture to yours are doing things differently?

If you’re that bothered about poor wording, I’m surprised you call it an “invite” rather than an invitation.

Poorly planned also, don't forget. As if it was a treasure map instead of an invitation to a wedding.

You're diagnosing people on the internet based on what you saw on tiktok? That's pathetic.

Why on earth would a wedding invite tell you the structure of the day? It is what it is.

They should have spelt your names right, but other than that YABVU.

No, you are still not allowed, lame excuse to be willingly unpleasant and to make things more difficult for ND people. You cannot be an arse at leisure and ask to be forgiven as if it was an “accident” just because you are disabled.

Re: people say that weddings are standing around 'starving'......Our wedding was at 10.30am, and I first heard the words 'When's food, I am starving' from a guest at 11am
And when the buffet was set out at 12.30pm and these same group of people swarmed in immediately before the caterers had even finished laying it out or called top table, and filled their plates to mountainous volumes - almost as if they hadn't eaten for several days in the run up to our wedding.
#Needless to say i havent seen them since

If you’re going to be picky about spelling…

Invite - verb
Invitation - noun

Why can’t you/DH ask them?

This

And she's married into that culture! Shocking! What an absolutely disgusting post! To be such a shameless bigot ... sheesh! She needs to sit t f out! And hate English language snobbery! Bet she can't even string a sentence together in her husband's mother tongue! And she is hardly Cambridge standard in her own English Language execution! 🙄

on the one hand you want information that isn't included in the invitation and then you don't like it when they do include information about boxed gifts - poor couple can't win with you.

If the invite is 7pm and you're concerned your dc will be hungry before the food is brought out - feed them tea before you leave at around 4pm, that way they not be hungry but if the food is late they'll still eat something.

If your dh is close family to the bride its surprising he doesn't know the format of the wedding

@Rubiconmango please please can you refrain from using Karen as a weaponised word.
Thank you

As for the OP, I too am surprised at your lack of knowledge of the family and culture you married into. You say you are friends so on that basis ask the questions you feel are relevant.

DH and I are both British. We just gave guests arrival time. For reasons known to us, we asked them to be there 15 mins before ceremony. We didn't feel it necessary to detail timings of ceremony, drinks reception, then photos, meal times, disco. If you're worried about being hungry, why not take some snacks and have them in the car/outside before it starts.

Crikey, bit of a nit picker aren’t you? Do as others have said, either don’t go or go and take snacks for the children.

😂 I never said I didn't like them.

Replies like this are so stupid. As if you have to specifically say 'I don't like them!!'

It's glaringly obvious from your post. HTH.

The person writing the invite could be dyslexic. Or you have given your children moronic names like Breighlynhh or Jjohnn

Just because you’re a lawyer, Dr, or business owner, does not mean that you can spell. I was recently looking at some plans that included a Walking Wardrobe.

You may all get hungry, but you won’t starve.

oh dear oh dear. if you have such a problem with Asian culture, maybe not a great idea to date/marry an Asian person?

yes we have events that over run and start late. even if you ask re timings, things will be massively late. that's just how it is. our weddings are big, so they probably wrote the names in a rush - easy to get all the names right if you only have a few guests. not so much if you have a few hundred, or thousand guests.

there will be crazy pranks, arguments, maybe even a fight. and the people saying don't go are not realising how much offence and hurt it will cause if you are close to the family. if you like you can go and leave early.

yes people give money in certain Asian cultures. the no boxed gifts is just a standard thing. you don't have to give anything tbh, no one will really care if you don't and no one is expecting you to give loads. also can you imagine if the hundred people turned up with gifts, where would they put them?

Why is no boxed gifts so bad on mumsnet?!?

if you don’t want boxed gifts why is it not ok?!

are some of you desperate to buy a toaster or something lol