To be annoyed with a wedding invite I've received?

[shooflyer]

We received a wedding invite via email the other day from DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture, but I’ve found the invite poorly worded and planned out. And I’m also a little miffed about the spelling errors 😑

The invite has no structured timings for the day. It only has a ‘guest arrival’ time, and states that food will be served afterwards. WTF does that mean? When does the wedding / ceremony actually start? How long after the ceremony will food be served (just thinking whether my children will be starving and if I need to plan for that.) I’ve been to another of of their family ‘events’ where the party was scheduled to at 7pm but we didn’t eat dinner until 11:20! My children were starving!!!

Three out of the 4 members of our family (DP and both children) had their names spelled wrong on the invite! My husband is close family with the bride and we see them fairly regularly!

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

When I was married wedding etiquette was quite a big deal. I ensured that everyone’s names were spelled correctly despite more than half being from an unfamiliar language / culture than mine. Sometimes I had to go through several other family members to get the correct spelling! And I made sure everyone knew the exact order of the day so that they knew exactly when and where they had to be.

Has etiquette changed significantly now? This side of the family are fairly well off and well educated. Most are lawyers, doctors, small business owners etc, so I'm really most annoyed about the spelling.

You've just received it. So the wedding isn't like this weekend or something then.
Discuss the food etc nearer the time! Why do you need to know now?
Our invitations said we're getting married at X time in Y place and we'd love it if you could join us. Guess what, no one was offended out found it hard to comprehend. We just discussed the finer details nearer the time.

She certainly seems spectacularly clueless as to what happens at Asian weddings, despite having had one herself. So weird.

Also I'm not really getting the offense at the "no boxed gifts" thing. I think it's perfectly fine to state what kind of gifts you do and don't want, for an occasion that assumes gift giving. I'd much rather know what kind of gift or gesture to make, and would have to buy them something "boxed" if actually it's not wanted and will go to waste.

Oh I think I get it now, @PoisonMaple , I think you meant to quote @staceysolo , not me

😂

she won’t do that, she mentioned she ll follow the passive aggressive etiquette and will misspell their names instead 😂

And what's hilarious is that it sounds like OP's is the one name they DIDN'T mispell OP says they spelt her husband's and kids' names wring. You'd think she'd be happy to have hers spelt right

😂

best thread this summer !😂

LOL, who says 'poor show' these days?

Be afraid, OP, be very afraid...the food, when it does arrive, might be....Asian!!!!

Won't somebody think of the children?

Racist trollery from beginning to end.

I'm trying to think if the time food is served is put on the invite, I'm pretty sure you just have the time to arrive 🤔, I can't remember what was on ours 7 years ago? When we take our children to a wedding we pack sandwiches and snacks as standard, even when it's just us invited we've been known to stop at a garage on the way to grab a sandwich to eat immediately before. We once made the mistake of going to a 12 o'clock wedding 2 hours away, we had breakfast and left but got stuck in traffic, so we had no time for lunch. They didn't serve any food (not even a canapé) until 6pm, everyone else just got shit faced (there was a free bar) I of course was pregnant so I was starving to death and surrounded by people well on their way!

Just pack food. Everything else, does it really matter.

Haha I say things like "poor show" because I watch a lot of black and white films with Alistair Sim and Joyce Grenfell in 😂

But I'm in agreement with the rest of your comment 😉

OP I’m with you that spelling errors are really bad form, particularly if it’s close family members but the rest of your post comes across as quite mean spirited. Just pack snacks or a sandwich for the kids if you’re that worried. They are your in-laws and presumably you can ask them the specifics about running time rather than asking Mumsnet to decode it when really what you want to do is call them stupid and beneath you.

‘No boxed gifts’ is completely normal on Asian wedding invitations. Their guest numbers often run into the hundreds to its a polite way of ensuring they don’t get 78 toasters. If your partner is Asian I’m amazed you’ve not come across this before or even heard of it. I am not Asian but just from knowledge of friends’ weddings I’ve seen this and I’m not affronted or offended. Cultural differences exist. I accept that it’s rude not to spell names correctly irrespective of culture but it sounds to me like you think it’s all a bit beneath you and in that case, just don’t go.

I truly think that is so lovely, that it's a HUUGE family occasion and there's no expectation for children to be anything other than children. The more I read about Asian weddings the more envious I am 😂

@shooflyer

chill out OP
yabu
hth

You are very self entitled aren’t you ? It’s not your wedding , it’s nit up to you to determine what’s acceptable or not . If you don’t feel comfortable going just don’t go

Misspelling of names is a bit rude but are we talking Sara instead of Sarah (simple misspelling )or maybe Lauren instead or Lorraine (could be accent issues) or Mary instead of Moirin etc...? (where they haven't even tried).

My name is misspelled, misheard and mispronounced constantly even when I spell it out... I have zero energy to be offended over it unless its deliberate nastiness or racism.

They don't have to break down times, thats literally not a thing. You are told an arrival time and you arrive at that time if you attend, you don't get to decide their specified times are wrong.

Mentioning gifts at all I 'personally' find rude but as you mentioned its cultural. Where I live its exceptionally rude to mention gifts at all but in their culture it's not so I have to accept and observe their cultures rules when they welcome me into it.

Misspelling your name is not offensive unless you think they delibrately mispelled your name?

It's careless at most, that they they didn't check. I presume they thought they had it right.

Wedding invites don't usually have itinararies.

The no boxed gifts is just reflection of the shared expectation for money anyway.

'When I married...' you make it sound like you married in some totally diffrent era such as 1906 when invites had full itinaries and no one made spelling mistakes.

You sound like a miserable aunty who is going to bitch quietly on the sidelines about every aspect of the wedding from the invite, to favours, and the temperature of the room. They've always been around, nothing new.

DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture
Would your Asian dp not be able to enlighten you on this, op? 🤔

One of my own siblings repeatedly miss-spells my surname. And it's not even the dyslexic sibling! I can't imagine getting het up about it.

I think to get "annoyed" over an invitation is a very odd reaction. It sounds like you somehow expected special treatment or maybe a more personalised invitation?

I’m baffled- why would you expect timings ?
Asian weddings are huge affairs and they are wonderful to attend .. most go on for several days with the ceremony on the final day.. as a rule depending on whether it is Sikh, Hindu or Muslim.. quite often snacks are served after the ceremony and then it’s party until the evening .. when food is served ..
you sound as though you are looking for a reason to be annoyed 😒

Asian weddings are completely different to traditional English weddings! Some Asian weddings can go on for 2 or 3 days! And usually hundreds attend. It is usually split into parts and if all is squeezed into one day can be very hectic and a long and drawn out event so maybe they don’t even know the specific timings. Not saying this wedding you have been invited to is the same as it varies from religion to religion and culture to culture but if it’s a big wedding and they really are inviting a lot of people then I really doubt they have the time to list everything to each and every attendee’s liking

In lots of Asian cultures its acceptable to communicate in a style british people might consider blunt - the reference to "no boxed gifts" is an example.

Spelling names wrong is rude but I'd guess it could be a guest list of 500+ and its probably careless/rushed rather than intentional.

As a pp said I think in lots of cultures it would be the norm for timing to be very ad hoc and flexible. If you are taking children take snacks and assume everything might run very late.

Yes, YABU. Flippin eck, if you want to go, take some snacks with you. You sound like you’re moaning for the sake of it. With your attitude, I doubt you’ll be missed! 😂

Culture differences are all very relative, you may find it incredibly tacky to be told “no boxed gifts are accepted” as the rest of the world finds it incredibly distasteful that British people segregate wedding guests in day receptions and night do’s.

Now, about the timings… you need to appreciate these are not British people running by the clock and punctuality values. As far as I am aware, India weddings last for days and well into the night and they are not timed to the minutiae as some other cultures’ weddings are (if it helps, my SIL timed her entrance to the reception to happen exactly at the same time as the setting sun aligned with her back as she came to the gate of the garden where the reception was to take place, honestly, you cannot make this up.. and then… it rained non stop through out the whole of it…)

Don’t go if you will be pissy about the invite.

The Asian weddings I've been to are part of several days ...the wedding day lasted for hours with people drifting in and out and getting food, chatting etc. Even through the ceremonial parts.