To be annoyed with a wedding invite I've received?

[shooflyer]

We received a wedding invite via email the other day from DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture, but I’ve found the invite poorly worded and planned out. And I’m also a little miffed about the spelling errors 😑

The invite has no structured timings for the day. It only has a ‘guest arrival’ time, and states that food will be served afterwards. WTF does that mean? When does the wedding / ceremony actually start? How long after the ceremony will food be served (just thinking whether my children will be starving and if I need to plan for that.) I’ve been to another of of their family ‘events’ where the party was scheduled to at 7pm but we didn’t eat dinner until 11:20! My children were starving!!!

Three out of the 4 members of our family (DP and both children) had their names spelled wrong on the invite! My husband is close family with the bride and we see them fairly regularly!

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

When I was married wedding etiquette was quite a big deal. I ensured that everyone’s names were spelled correctly despite more than half being from an unfamiliar language / culture than mine. Sometimes I had to go through several other family members to get the correct spelling! And I made sure everyone knew the exact order of the day so that they knew exactly when and where they had to be.

Has etiquette changed significantly now? This side of the family are fairly well off and well educated. Most are lawyers, doctors, small business owners etc, so I'm really most annoyed about the spelling.

Would it really be too much for you to pack a few snacks for the kids ? You sound really unpleasant

You sound horrid OP. Don't go. You sound like you don't like them and to be honest.. racist. Your poor DC being and DH.

This sounds like a sensible plan and all that you need to do.

Wtf are you on about? Who is being racist?

@shooflyer
Is it a norm within your culture to be critical of the way that others choose to do things and to assume that your way is the best or superior way?

All of the things that you are criticizing matter very little in the grand scheme of things. Can you not relax and just go with the flow of things? At the end of the day, the couple will be married, fun will or will not have been had, and no-one will care how the names were or were not spelled.

When you see them at the weekend OP please DON'T MENTION the spellings.
🤦‍♀️

They probably also got someone else to write the invites hence the spelling mistakes. I just couldnt imagine being so judgy about a wedding. It's a wedding and here you are sneering.

Eh? Are you saying people of Asian descent shouldn't have traditional weddings in case it inconveniences white people?

And as a previous poster said, they didn't "go to a country", they were born here!

God you sound awful.

Knowing where you need to be and when is the most important bit and it sounds like that is covered. Make sure you have a big meal before.
I do sort of see where you are coming from as normally I have received some some of agenda for the day for wedding so not having one would feel odd but as long as you know when to get there you can then go with the flow.

You should always have a meal before leaving and carry snacks for the kids to any event, madness not to really.

If it's an Indian wedding, then there is not an expectation that the children should sit still. They're usually racing round in a pack dodging whatever curtains, stages, tables and aunties they come across, with any adult near the door shooing unaccompanied ones back inside if they try to make a break for it.

As for the names, nobody knows or cares if it's Maya or Maia, Vijay or Veejay; creating hundreds of invitations is a huge task. You'll just have to ignore that.

Yeah don't go, they deserve to have a nice time on their wedding!

Kindly op, you will find your life becomes far far happier if you don't worry about stuff like this.
None of it matters.
So what that they spelt your name wrong- what actual difference does that make to your life?
So they haven't included timings of meals, fairly simply solved 'what time are we eating?'
If you get bitter over this non issue, it suggests you spend all day every day getting bitter about tiny things that just don't matter.

Goodness, how rude. And I mean the OP, not their family.

It would probably be better if you don't go. I am sure that everyone will have a wonderful time without you.

I have been to a great many Asian weddings - Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and Christian. I have never known people to be anything but gracious, and flexible. Children are generally loved and tolerated at such events, and if they need food "in between" meals I have never known it to be the case that it can't be obtained for them.

PS, I just found out yesterday that I have been spelling my friends youngest daughters name wrong for years. SInce everyone shortens it I hadn't realised and nobody - absolutely nobody, including the daughter - has been rude enough to pull me up on it. It's called manners.

They're only little so I'm worried that they won't be able to sit from the 'arrival time' until the food is served because I don't know how long that will be.

Seriously?

I love a wedding, especially if they’re easy going. Comes across as though you don’t want to go anyway. If you do go just take snacks for the kids. Life is too short to get miffed about irrelevancies.

Hi OP I am ethnically Indian and a bit puzzled by your concern TBH. Depending on the culture Indian weddings are likely to be a full day affair (at least) with a number of different ceremonies. I have never been to an Indian wedding where my children have gone hungry (quite the reverse). Not sure why your names would have been spelt wrongly on the invite. However, there are some specialist providers of wedding stationery that will print Indian invites. Perhaps there was an error in the transmission of the names? As for the gifting of money rather than a present this is common and not really a problem. Just give what you think is appropriate. Have you never been to an Indian wedding so far?

Honestly I just think how nice that there are cultures out there who aren't so rigidly held down by strict timings and expectations in that way. I work somewhere with mainly African and Asian people who've recently come to the UK, and it's a seriously refreshing thing to be around people who aren't so het up about precise timings. Everything still gets done. There's just so much less constant stress and anxiety about the clock ticking. Lovely.

Just don't go if that's going to make you uncomfortable, but you might in fact enjoy the experience of a culture that experiences time in a more relaxed way.

It's one day, OP. I took our just turned 4yo and 8mo to a wedding and we had no idea of the schedule. I just took snacks and some colouring books etc in my bag, and it was fine. The 4yo was still up and dancing at 11pm! We were the ones knackered

You are unreasonable expecting to have the timings written down. If the wedding happens in a single location, which is what I got on my head, you just turn up there at the guest arrival time. That, actually, gives you a clue whether you need to give some lunch or brunch to your kids before hand. You can check if the place has anywhere for you to buy food for them if the meal is delayed.
I would expect a huge meal, with plenty of courses, so being hungry is a good thing, though not for some little ones.
To be honest, I would not think twice about my surname or name spelling.
And the money only sentence, that is not good, in my eyes. That is the only bit that would make me have a second thought about going.

Woah there! Take a chill pill! You clearly don't like them or want to go, so just politely decline the invitation. Personally, I'd be looking forward to a whole new experience - or set of experiences- but if it's not for you, don't go. And in spite of what they say, if you want to send a gift of any kind, go ahead and do so - they're hardly likely to decline it.

Oh and kids are very much tolerates at Indian weddings as well.

@Cyclebabble she said she's married to an asian so id expect she's been to loads of events. Im asian myself and i cant believe this post!

You're not making any sense. Did you even read @staceysolo 's post?

Newsflash - being BAME but born in the UK doesn't mean you don't experience racism.