To be annoyed with a wedding invite I've received?

[shooflyer]

We received a wedding invite via email the other day from DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture, but I’ve found the invite poorly worded and planned out. And I’m also a little miffed about the spelling errors 😑

The invite has no structured timings for the day. It only has a ‘guest arrival’ time, and states that food will be served afterwards. WTF does that mean? When does the wedding / ceremony actually start? How long after the ceremony will food be served (just thinking whether my children will be starving and if I need to plan for that.) I’ve been to another of of their family ‘events’ where the party was scheduled to at 7pm but we didn’t eat dinner until 11:20! My children were starving!!!

Three out of the 4 members of our family (DP and both children) had their names spelled wrong on the invite! My husband is close family with the bride and we see them fairly regularly!

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

When I was married wedding etiquette was quite a big deal. I ensured that everyone’s names were spelled correctly despite more than half being from an unfamiliar language / culture than mine. Sometimes I had to go through several other family members to get the correct spelling! And I made sure everyone knew the exact order of the day so that they knew exactly when and where they had to be.

Has etiquette changed significantly now? This side of the family are fairly well off and well educated. Most are lawyers, doctors, small business owners etc, so I'm really most annoyed about the spelling.

I don't think I've ever had a wedding invite with all the timings on. Just "you are invited to the marriage of X and Y at Zpm at this venue, followed by a reception at that venue"

I've not had to take children to a wedding but if I did I'd take snacks for the inevitable gap between ceremony and food.

I've been to one Asian wedding and it was very different timing wise,but I didn't need to know. We just enjoyed the experience!

Even if the invitation was on card, with gold edging and names were spelt correctly, they wouldn't state the whole itinerary for the day. I have never had any details ahead or an event. Just chill.....

I've never had an invitation where the meal time was specified? Why not just bring some snacks for your children if they wouldn't cope with a later dinner time than they're used to.
What a fuss about nothing.

Is it normal for invites to an Asian wedding to give out the itinerary of the day? I know in British culture that doesn't usually happen. Isn't it just common sense to feed the kids prior and take some snacks just in case? Sounds like you just want to be offended over nothing to be honest op.

Or just ask someone.

They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture
Their culture.
Asian culture.
Biggest continent on Earth.
But apparently all the same according to OP.

I'd always take a couple of sarnies to a wedding with kids. Ideally they'd spell your names right, but the main thing is that they invited you, right?

And don't most people ask you to give cash rather than a yoghurt maker or whatever these days?

OP, are you Asian?

I've never had a wedding invite where an order of the day and timings were provided. And virtually all weddings involve a lot of waiting around before the food comes. I would say to make sure you eat something before you go. That said, the Indian weddings I have been too have been much more focused on food than British weddings.

You sound like you are being awfully snobby about the whole thing and I can't help thinking there is more to this than simply the wedding invite. Have the family been judgey about you at all in the past?

I would say, British invites are very overly formal IMO (Mr & Mrs Smith cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter.....etc etc). So there is potentially a cultural difference in that the invite itself is of less importance in Indian weddings which are maybe more focused on the various ceremonial elements, food and inviting everyone.

I don't have a problem with 'no boxed gifts'. And I can guarantee that some people will bring them anyway!

I've never once received a wedding invitation that outlined the plan or schedule of the day. That really isn't the norm. Off the top of my head, the last couple of invitations we've had just have the starting time of the ceremony, with no time given at all for anything to do with the reception, which seems very normal to me from a British perspective.

I take an invite as an invite not a summons, just say no or sit there with your handbag on your lap pursing your lips muttering 'in my day those flowers would not look as wilted' or some just gems instead up to you

Why do you need a break down of the schedule? You will be fed and they will get married why so wound up?

Oh get over. The heats really getting to everyone

its an invite, not a summons. As an Asian family you will be aware of how invites work surely. If you want to know when you will be eating etc for the kids then ask, or get your DH to ask.

as to no boxed gifts, they maybe inviting people who don’t know the custom, you know colleagues etc, or are you saying they should tailor invites to every single person

Dont like what you have been told? Dont go, let your DH and kids go on their own, bet they have a better time

Most wedding invitations just tell you what time to arrive, not what the running order of the day is.

If you’re close to them, just ask about the food timings. And bring some snacks anyway!

Spelling your names wrong is just annoying. That would irritate me, but it’s hardly the end of the world.

YABU - I have never received a wedding invitation which outlined when I would be fed???

If you're concerned you'll be hungry just eat a big meal before you go?

Why be so grumpy? We got a wedding invite through the post this morning - I can't wait! (And we're only invited to the party not the ceremony.... and I don't know exactly what food will be provided and when.....)

😂 I never said I didn't like them. I like them very much in fact. Which is also why I find it really poor show to have received an invitation with 3 names spelled incorrectly. Perhaps I will just misspell their names on their wedding card incorrectly then. The wad of cash we'll include in it will outshine the misspellings anyway 😁

As for the other bits, then yes - perhaps IABU. I will make sure to take snacks with me for the children. They're only little so I'm worried that they won't be able to sit from the 'arrival time' until the food is served because I don't know how long that will be.

Jeez relax. Will concede the no boxed gifts thing is tacky. Never had a wedding invite that specified timings and certainly wouldn’t expect it so that the little darlings knew exactly when they would be relieved of their starvation. Pack a few snacks. Get over the spelling. Or maybe don’t go.

@PoisonMaple "OP, are you Asian?"

At a wild guess- I'd say no.

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

I'm Asian and quite frankly, I think you're being ridiculous and superior.

'No boxed gifts' has been a staple message on Asian wedding gifts for milennia decades.

They are probably stressed to the max as Asian weddings involve multiple events, and they really don't have time to deal with you being 'miffed' about spelling errors.

Just decline if you're miffed and don't rain on their parade.

Which is also why I find it really poor show to have received an invitation with 3 names spelled incorrectly. Perhaps I will just misspell their names on their wedding card incorrectly then.

This is just sad and petty

Just some context,

Asian weddings in 'their' or my culture are not a 1 day event.

I have a wedding coming up at the end of October, I have 5, yes 5 separate dates in the calendar, all events to do with the wedding itself as there are so many different ceremonies and celebrations. The wedding day itself is the last day. Events start at the end of September and run through to October.

Every event has its own invite and its own itinerary. Timings are loose, trust me, we never run on time, and food timing is specified to keep to the 'loose' schedule of every ceremony that has to be fitted in on each day.

What there won't be a lack of is fun, music, food, colour, dressing up and organised chaos. Until you've been to one, you can't fathom it.

Also, we don't invite 50 odd people. We invite 100's. Names can and do often get misspelt. It isn't the end of the world.

If Asian, English is probably 2nd language to them. Often when translating from mother tongue fo English... unless really fluent in writing can get misconstrued.

Heck I'm fluent in English and I bet someone could pick apart my grammar and tone in this!

Can you imagine translating to written Thai, for example, or sanskrit?

I think when written word is involved, to take a step back and reflect on this.

To be so annoyed by someone who has taken time to learn such complex language is really harsh op. Give them a break.

I will make sure to take snacks with me for the children. They're only little so I'm worried that they won't be able to sit from the 'arrival time' until the food is served because I don't know how long that will be.

If only you and your husband had working voices.

You sound lovely, I can see why they were thoughtful enough to invite you.

The boxed gifts is often on Asian wedding invites, it's to avoid getting twenty microwaves/pan from older family members.
Timings are specified because how long the ceremony will last is always a bit unclear.
Etiquette and in particular wedding etiquette is culture specific, I don't think you have the right to be annoyed.
Maybe don't go to this wedding, it seems everything at it will annoy you.