To be annoyed with a wedding invite I've received?

[shooflyer]

We received a wedding invite via email the other day from DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture, but I’ve found the invite poorly worded and planned out. And I’m also a little miffed about the spelling errors 😑

The invite has no structured timings for the day. It only has a ‘guest arrival’ time, and states that food will be served afterwards. WTF does that mean? When does the wedding / ceremony actually start? How long after the ceremony will food be served (just thinking whether my children will be starving and if I need to plan for that.) I’ve been to another of of their family ‘events’ where the party was scheduled to at 7pm but we didn’t eat dinner until 11:20! My children were starving!!!

Three out of the 4 members of our family (DP and both children) had their names spelled wrong on the invite! My husband is close family with the bride and we see them fairly regularly!

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

When I was married wedding etiquette was quite a big deal. I ensured that everyone’s names were spelled correctly despite more than half being from an unfamiliar language / culture than mine. Sometimes I had to go through several other family members to get the correct spelling! And I made sure everyone knew the exact order of the day so that they knew exactly when and where they had to be.

Has etiquette changed significantly now? This side of the family are fairly well off and well educated. Most are lawyers, doctors, small business owners etc, so I'm really most annoyed about the spelling.

I was joking 🙄

All weddings seem to involve standing around hungry and wondering exactly what is going on for an hour or two, while the photos are being taken so I don't see how this is different.

But have you not discussed your concerns with your DH? It sounds not. Or ask people, I'm sure they'll be happy to give a rough outline of what might happen when.

Just take snacks and go with the flow. You say another event started at 7, but you didn't eat until gone 11, your mistake there was probably not accounting for 'we say 7, but that really means the time you will think about getting ready to go out, so you'll leave just after 8, arrive at 9 to find you're amongst the first there and everyone will arrive over the next hour. We'll then spend between 10 and 11 saying hello to everyone and interrupting the cooks and asking if we can help them with anything and just after 11 they'll start putting the food out'

Don’t go, you don’t sound pleased that are were very kind to invite you all to their happy event.

Why post here if you are joking?

Why is it such a major issue for you, rather than a passing annoyance?

You are showing such ignorance for your husbands culture, I really hope your shared children aren't being raised with your views.

As an aside, I'm sure all the 'wads' of cash you received when you got married to your DH more than made up for having to put up with his culture.

You sound like a complete idiot.

I feel like you're picking for problems. Just don't go if you don't want to. I wouldn't expect to know meal timings beforehand, just eat before you go and take snacks in your bag for the kids. it's common and sensible to specify on gifts. Misspelt names isn't great but not the end of the world. I'm not sure I'd want you at my wedding if I'd seen this post!

I don't think 'No boxed gifts' is tacky at all in this context.

In Asian weddings that ive been to , ALL guests give a cash gift. Physical gifts are EXTRAS on top of the cash gift people give.

So from an Asian perspective not tacky at all to say no to the physical gifts. If anything it is better.

They were born here. DH grew up with them and their families are very close. He's also offended that they have spelled the names wrong considering we recently attended a party for one of the parents and all of our names were on the card we gave that we know is still on display in their house

Hi Op.

I didn’t have an order of the day at my wedding, sorry if that would have pissed you off. We enjoyed being more flexible rather than people waiting around for stuff to happen.

I would say to make sure you bring snacks and also feed your kids beforehand. It’s about being prepared and organised.

I went to a wedding this month and as I am pregnant, i made allowances for not being able to eat certain foods that are often included in canopes (eg smoked salmon), so I brought snacks and ensured I wasn’t starving beforehand.

'Miffed' about spelling mistakes in a wedding invite?

Can't see any major issues with the invitation. Why not just text to clarify timings? The misspelling of names is sloppy but I'd not get antsy about it.

It'll be a long day with odd meal times do take lots of snacks and things to keep DCs busy.

Wear comfortable shoes, it's a marathon not a sprint.

You also sound really jealous because you mention that they're all Dr's, Lawyers, Business owners, and wealthy.

Is your background very different, hence the giant chip on your shoulder?

Shit, are we going to the same wedding? Are you my SIL!!!?? No, you can't be. My SIL, who isn't Asian is wonderful and embraces us as we've embraced her.

Maybe an order of the day or wedding website address will follow.
I do find it odd to react like this to an invite to a happy event. Your reaction seems quite over the top, do you struggle with being out of your comfort zone or not in control?

1. I’m Indian. Rich people often have invitations for large weddings printed overseas as you can get better designs / paper which explains the spelling mistakes. English spellings for all Asian names are phonetic. So there is no right or wrong way to spell an Asian name in English - as long as the pronunciation is fine, it’s okay.
2. If the bride is Hindu food begins to be served after the Phera - approx 3 hours after the guest arrival time. In Indian and Pakistani weddings it’s usual to bring children’s food with you as you can’t rely on it being child friendly. The meals they eat at the wedding is then just a bonus.
3. ‘No boxed gifts’ means cash only. It’s an instruction for people who aren’t from their culture as nobody outside white Brits would be so rude as to foist gifts for a wedding couple. Cash is considered more polite as the bride and groom (or their parents) can make use of the money.
4. This isn’t your wedding. It’s your husband’s relative’s. Comparing weddings is pointless.
5. Your entire post seems racist to it’s core. Sort it out before your kids realise and you end up cutting them off from 50% of their background.

If you invite 300 people to your wedding (as I believe is quite normal for an Asian wedding), I think that No Boxed Gifts is not tacky but essential. You'd have to buy a new house to keep all things people would give you. Most of it you would hate. It's just a waste for everyone.

I mean you could just give them a call and ask for a rough idea about timings 🤷‍♀️

You sound really jealous.

You obviously won’t say but I am intrigued about why you’re so jealous that you feel the need to pick apart every aspect of the wedding invitation.

I bet your DH can’t wait to sit next to you at the actual wedding and have you commenting on how bad everything is.

Poor excuse for people being too lazy to find the correct spellings

Agreed

But where's the drama in that?

Stop being so sensible

If the bride is his sister he won’t be sitting next to OP. He’ll either be helping with the wedding or get pride of place as the bride’s elder brother.

With the exception of the spelling mistakes, most of the things with which you have taken issue are simply different cultural norms. I'm sure your DH can explain them to you. 'No Boxed Gifts' is the norm in south Asian weddings.