To be annoyed with a wedding invite I've received?

[shooflyer]

We received a wedding invite via email the other day from DP's side of the family. They are Asian, so I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ and accepted in their culture, but I’ve found the invite poorly worded and planned out. And I’m also a little miffed about the spelling errors 😑

The invite has no structured timings for the day. It only has a ‘guest arrival’ time, and states that food will be served afterwards. WTF does that mean? When does the wedding / ceremony actually start? How long after the ceremony will food be served (just thinking whether my children will be starving and if I need to plan for that.) I’ve been to another of of their family ‘events’ where the party was scheduled to at 7pm but we didn’t eat dinner until 11:20! My children were starving!!!

Three out of the 4 members of our family (DP and both children) had their names spelled wrong on the invite! My husband is close family with the bride and we see them fairly regularly!

The invite also mentioned ‘No Boxed Gifts’ which I felt to be quite rude and tacky. It’s widely known that everyone gives money as a gift in their culture (both the bride & groom) for weddings and special occasions. Does it really need to be specified on the invite like that?

When I was married wedding etiquette was quite a big deal. I ensured that everyone’s names were spelled correctly despite more than half being from an unfamiliar language / culture than mine. Sometimes I had to go through several other family members to get the correct spelling! And I made sure everyone knew the exact order of the day so that they knew exactly when and where they had to be.

Has etiquette changed significantly now? This side of the family are fairly well off and well educated. Most are lawyers, doctors, small business owners etc, so I'm really most annoyed about the spelling.

YABU the spelling is not a big deal and I’ve been to weddings from 5 different cultures and have never been given a timeline. Not even any of the British ones.

I’m hoping that you don’t end up, making your children feel ashamed given your very obvious distain for part of their cultural heritage.

I find it strange that you react to a wedding invite in this manner - it really does say a lot about you, OP.

I do not mean to sound like I am ripping in to you but I have questions

Do you normally feel miffed when you aren't centre of attention?
Are you normally overly offended by trivial things?
Are you looking for reasons to dislike your H family?

If the answer is Yes to any of the above, watch that behavior around your kids as these are narcissistic traits and hugely damaging to children, leaving them with long term trauma

If one of your kids had the slightest knock whilst falling over, but lay on the floor in hysterics for three hours screaming and crying - would you think this reasonable?? As you are currently doing the adult version of this

Hi, are you ND? If you have never been tested I suggest you do.
If not I suggest you just get over yourself, if you don't want to go, just don't go.

That’s good news for him then.

If she’s like this with receiving the invite, I’d dread to think what she’d be like at the actual wedding.

You come across as extremely petty and ignorant for someone who has married into an Asian family.

No boxed gifts is the norm on all invites, they’re not going to write a special one for non-Asians because it’s not the British thing to do.

If you’re as close to them as you make out, is it that difficult to ask them about timings and meals the next time you meet? I’m sure they would willingly share but it isn’t the norm to put it on the invite. Regardless your young family is your problem and it is very possible the food won’t be to their taste (usually spicy) so be prepared.

Alternatively, if this is all such a big offence, just say no and don’t go. They’ll probably be better off not having someone who wants to pick apart every little detail that they disagree with

YABU and very dramatic. It's their day, they can do/arrange it how they want and it's up to you to decide if you want to go or not. Just look forward to the celebration and take some snacks or have a big breakfast if you're worried about going hungry.

This! You are being pathetic op!

You sounds quite cringey op - who slates a wedding invite from someone they profess to like. Honestly, if you werent married to an asian, id assume you were being quite sneery with tones of racism

I’d reply asking all the questions you’ve put here! Agree the spelling errors are poor. Sounds like they’re badly organised!!

I would assume it’s not personal and they just don’t get caught up in the details like you do. People are all different.
I am a double checker of written details, my DH is not. I don’t worry about timings, my DH is obsessed with times. I have never gone to a wedding without taking snacks with me or knowing where the nearest shop is. I’ve never been to a wedding where I haven’t snacked because the meals are usually at a non meal time.

Fair enough. I am clearly being unreasonable.

We are going over to their place for dinner on the weekend. I'll have a chat with them then and get a better idea of timings. I'll bring snacks anyway, because as many have said these things can run on for quite a while. I'll also make sure that it's ok for us to sit near the back so I can take the children out if they get a bit fussy so they don't disturb everyone and interrupt the ceremony.

Just don't go if you are so miffed.

DH & I were invited to an Asian wedding, it was such fun and totally different to the usual weddings we were invited to. Yes, the food (delicious BTW) was served quite late but honestly, does that matter? I get so irritated by people (usually Mumsnetters) saying their DC will be 'starving' .. the expression is a total insult to DC who are literally starving due to famine or war ... not molly coddled middle class kids in the UK who can't seem to go half an hour without snacking.

And very sensible to put 'no boxed gifts' .. although one of the friends attending this wedding did put the cash gift in a beautiful hand crafted box .

Are you seriously saying Asian people need to be sensitive to the needs of white people at Asian weddings as white people's values are most important?

This is hilarious!
Only on mumsnet would criticism of an E-wedding invite leap to a sofa ND diagnosis.

Jesus, get over yourself. You sound deranged. No wedding invitations have timings on them, bring snacks if you’re that worried about your kids being hungry. Preferring cash is pretty common these days and saves you the bother, the time and energy of having to buy and wrap something so you should be pleased. I am sorry you are so upset about them spelling your name wrong. You should seek therapy if a few spelling mistakes on a wedding invitation upsets you that much.

Names misspelled is poor form, but I wouldn't necessarily expect to see timings. However, as you have kids it would be totally reasonable to ask when meal times expecte for their sake. I've never been bothered as to whether people ask for money or for contributions to something specific, especially if it's culturally normal, I can't be bothered to be offended by that kind of thing. It would be rude to say, 'Presents must be worth at least £100' or 'We are expecting at least £150 cash from every guest', but anything that isn't asking anything unreasonable of guests is fine, whether it's what you personally would do or not.

Im just saying op sounds extremely snooty so id have assumed she wasnt asian, yet looking down on them

Spelling mistakes in the name is unpleasant, I give you that.

You are being ridiculous about everything else. Since when are you expected to have a fully detailed order of the day, with strict times of food and snacks?

You are a grown-up, have a decent brunch, must you know precisely if you start having nibbles at 3 or 5? How do you survive at work, or just on a normal day out?

You have young kids. Of course you take snacks for them, drinks, and distraction, and everything else. It's called being a parent. You might not need them, you might do.

You don't take snacks and drink when you have a drive with your kids?

They're only little so I'm worried that they won't be able to sit from the 'arrival time' until the food is served because I don't know how long that will be.

I'm no expert, but I don't think there's the same expectation for DC to be sitting quietly. Or sitting at all. Dashing round and getting a complete sugar rush from the number of sweeties they'll be given seems more likely to me!

What exactly does this mean, @staceysolo ? I can't work out what you're trying to say.

RTFT - THE FAMILY WERE BORN HERE!!!!

Not that should actually factor into your thinking, and neither does it justify your racist view. You people actually walk among us 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

So over the top OP.

It's a lovely wedding invitation! Try and enjoy it, not going straight into picky, fussy annoyed mode.

"Has etiquette changed?" I mean, how snooty does that sound???

And you're seeing them at the weekend! You answered your own question. You can ask them for the details then.

Honestly OP chill out.