To not want to ask for my money back!

[KeepingItTogether23]

Lent my friend some money last week, not much just £30 to get her through Thursday and Friday with the promise she would transfer it straight back Saturday morning.
Its Monday morning, she hasnt transferred it!
I absolutely HATE having to ask for money back.

Is it unreasonable for me to think I shouldnt have to, we made an arrangement and she should have just transferred it Saturday like agreed off her own back?!

YANBU but I’d ask her quickly now before she spends it again.

I agrée with the first response. And don’t lend her money again.

Maybe message her something along these lines

Hi friend....Hope you had a good weekend

Thanks for saying you'd send me back that 30 quid on Saturday. I think there might have been an issue with your bank as the £30 hasn't come through just yet on my side. Thanks a lot x

This way you're not blaming her.....and she has a get out and can blame bank

I think I'll do just that @StormInaDcup99 @Findyourneutralspace

Yes I definitely wont lend her again @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing , i just think its cheeky asf

Well you should not have to, but it looks like you do if you want to get it back. Lending money is tricky. There are friends who are genuine and just in a bit of a bind -can happen to us all. Then there are those who take advantage of others good nature. Get it back and just never lend to her again.

Personally I would let it go but that's only because I can afford to lose £30 and I'm also assuming that she is a really good friend. I certainly wouldn't lend her any more money.

If you need that £30 then you do need to ask for it back. Maybe along the lines of - 'did you make that transfer because it hasn't shown up in my account yet and I wanted to make sure it hasn't gone astray?' That way it's a reminder to her that you haven't forgotten and it opens the conversation as to when you'll get it back in a non-confrontational way.

I world send a text asking her to let you know when she’s the transferred the money so you can check your account later today.

Life lesson: never lend money to friends or family that you’re not prepared to lose. A lot of people, who you least expect, turn weird when you lend them money. It’s almost a universal.

I’ve been there OP. I would also just ask politely as a PP suggested, then not lend her anything again. There are only a handful of close friends I would ever lend money to now, funny enough the ones I would lend to have never asked. Yes, it’s very cheeky but some people are CF. I have a ‘friend’ that I haven’t seen for about 10 years. Over the last year she has messaged me asking for money about 10 times. I just started ignoring the messages after the first 2 times I said no.

I'm a single mum of 2 her monthly household income is 2x mine plus a little more so I dont really want to just let her keep it.
I have text her saying, could you let me know when you transfer that money please so I can put it back into my savings account please x
She hasnt replied yet, I dont like being put in the situation I have another friend who is alcohol dependent who always asks but I tell her no I dont have any, just because I know what it's for.

“Hi “Barbara”. Are you OK to transfer that £30 today? Thanks. OP”

Keep it straightforward and simple. Next move is on her.

Hopefully she replies to your text and you get your money back ASAP.
Lesson, don't loan ANY money!

That was maybe too gentle a reminder - it's almost inviting her to keep it for longer. I hope she stumps up but I would be more direct next time.

I think not paying the money back on time, as agreed is very poor, and also, sadly, very common, and you definitely should not have to ask.

Lending money to friends and family can very often lead to resentment, both in cases like yours, but also from the person who borrowed who can think it’s unfair that they have to find £30 to hand to someone much better off than they are.

It’s totally irrational, of course, but does happen.

I hope you get the money back, but please don't lend to her in future. Someone who needs £30 badly enough to borrow it is almost always going to struggle to find £30 to pay back. Even if you don't care about the £30, it then becomes an issue because they either feel guilty or resentful.

I would also absolutely keep those “scare quotes” around the person’s name as well.

Should not have mentioned the savings account. Now she knows you have available money sitting there.

If she asks again tell her that it affects your bonus interest if you reduce your savings pot so you can't do that.

I actually would. Passive aggression at its finest.

🤣🤣🤣

The mistake you've made is telling them you have a savings account. Because there's a risk they will perceive you as having a lot of disposable income and won't take your need to have the money repaid seriously. Hope you get it back, OP 🤞

I absolutely HATE having to ask for money back

Same, but I always find that the sooner you message the easier it is, especially for smaller suns of money, because the longer you leave it then the more awkward it becomes to ask for it back without it seeming like you're nagging. While you have every right to nag someone for money back I just hate the embarrassment it causes of having to ask again if they don't do it right away. I never lend more than I can afford to write off if they don't pay it back (though they then get not a single penny or favour further from me) but it does rankle that people don't pay back their debts promptly.

I'm glad you've messaged already and put the ball in her court but if it was me I wouldn't have mentioned about it going into savings as she might see it as "OP doesn't actually need the money rn so I'll send it when I'm ready". I'd have sent something like "Did you send the £30 I lent you back yet? I've not received it yet but it's leaving me short this week so I need to know when you'll be paying it back"

Personally I would let it go but that's only because I can afford to lose £30 and I'm also assuming that she is a really good friend.

No one who breaks a promise and pockets £30 without a word is a 'really good friend'.

Do not mention the savings account. Ask them to transfer the £30 today as you've just had an unexpected bill.

No reply yet and no transfer.

Really no need to do this.

Quick text "Hey hope you're good, just reminding you about the £30 I lent you the other day xx"

Sorted.

People really don't have to be this apologetic about asking for THEIR money back, after THEY did someone else a favour. It doesn't matter who's a single mum, what each of your incomes are, whether you've had an unexpected bill or not. She borrowed money agreeing to pay it back on Saturday. She didn't. So you're fine to ask for it with no reason or pretext. It is your money.