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Original poster

To not want to ask for my money back!

172 replies

KeepingItTogether23 · 11/09/2023 09:22

Lent my friend some money last week, not much just £30 to get her through Thursday and Friday with the promise she would transfer it straight back Saturday morning.
Its Monday morning, she hasnt transferred it!
I absolutely HATE having to ask for money back.

Is it unreasonable for me to think I shouldnt have to, we made an arrangement and she should have just transferred it Saturday like agreed off her own back?!

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 12/09/2023 07:48

You already KNOW that adding somebody to your social media does not constitute cheating.
We all know that too of course.
He also knows it but will never admit it as it’s a game he is playing to weaken your resolve so that he can control you and abuse your (very misplaced) loyalty.
Stop trying to convince him you haven’t cheated. It’s not about that. See the bigger picture !
You are wasting your rethink, your time and you are wasting your love on this nasty man.
He doesn’t care a jot for you. And never will. He doesn’t care about your miscarriages. He’s happy you are in a weakened state ….easier for him to control.

What sort of life do you want for yourself and your future child OP ?

Do not risk the happiness of your future child until you find the right person to parent with. This current bf is the worst kind of partner and father material. It won’t get better with him ever….it will only get worse.

If you continue with him you are asking for a life of misery.
Cut your attachment with him today. Block him. Never speak to him again. He will only try to reel you back in.

You are vulnerable and I’m very sorry for the grief you are feeling right now. Please take care of yourself and try to be brave. You will be much better off without him.
A much better life ahead for you now.

OneCup · 12/09/2023 07:50

This would make me question our relationship, that's for sure.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/09/2023 07:51

Kattitude · 11/09/2023 21:43

Maybe she genuinely forgot?

If I borrowed money with a pay back date (I never borrow money though) I would put it on my phone calendar to remind me.

ZadocPDederick · 12/09/2023 07:51

Gmary20 · 11/09/2023 23:25

Can't you just write it off? If she's struggling that much with money that she needs to borrow £30 quid I would just give it to her and not expect it back. She probably hasn't given it back to you as she doesn't have it and is embarrassed or out of options.

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back, do the descent thing and just ask her upfront. Don't be passive aggressive as many other people have suggested, by saying "oh has the bank lost the payment?" or sending ... on her message saying she would pay it back. That's childish.

Edited

Remind me never to lend anything to you. Do you always assume if you borrow money or anything else from a friend that actually it's a gift from them to you?

Original poster
KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 07:52

She has messaged.
Sent, dw i didnt forget x

That's all

OP posts:
SamW98 · 12/09/2023 07:55

KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 07:52

She has messaged.
Sent, dw i didnt forget x

That's all

That’s it? She’s an entitled CF.

Anyone decent would say thank you, offer an apology for paying late and actually show some manners.

Lesson learned OP - don’t lend her a penny again

EvilElsa · 12/09/2023 07:55

Is it actually in your account?
Fingers crossed it is, next time she asks you don't have any to lend her.

readbooksdrinktea · 12/09/2023 07:55

Gmary20 wtf? The woman earns a lot more than OP. There's nothing petty about wanting people to honour agreements. "Friend" is a complete cheeky fucker. At least OP now knows not to trust that person.

EvilElsa · 12/09/2023 07:56

Oh and don't reply with a thanks.

donkra · 12/09/2023 07:58

Never, ever lend money to friends. It's a surefire way to lose both the money and the friend. Hell, never lend money period, unless you decide to formally invest in a microcredit initiative or something. You and this friend now have a worse relationship with each other, no? You're legitimately ticked off and no doubt she resents you too.

If someone you love is in a genuine fix, as in can't pay the electricity bill or do a food shop fix, give them the money outright and kiss it goodbye forever the moment it leaves your hand. That way, any £ you ever get repaid is gravy and you have a shot at that person remaining one of your loved ones.

GoogleWhacked · 12/09/2023 07:59

KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 07:52

She has messaged.
Sent, dw i didnt forget x

That's all

I hope she really has sent it. I wouldn't loan her a penny ever again, not even a thank you or sorry I'm late repaying it.

I once loaned a neighbour (that I barely knew, but had a sob story all lined up) a tenner. I knew I'd never get it back but to me it cost me €10 to never have her knock on my door again, which was well worth the money!

Original poster
KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 07:59

Yeah it's in my account, lesson learnt no thanks, no apology, nothing.
I definitely didnt imagine she said Saturday, unless I'm losing my marbles already 🤣

OP posts:
Batalax · 12/09/2023 08:00

She’s not embarrassed about not paying you back so don’t be embarrassed asking for it back.
Ask again later.
”I still haven’t got the money. We agreed Saturday, or I wouldn’t have leant it to you.”

Batalax · 12/09/2023 08:01

Hadn’t refreshed. That’s good then.

Willmafrockfit · 12/09/2023 08:08

she is rude telling you not to worry
and that she didnt forget,
er, she promised saturday

HalebiHabibti · 12/09/2023 08:18

Good. Now never lend her any money ever again!

CherryCokeFanatic · 12/09/2023 08:24

You’ve made an error in letting a friend know you have a “savings account” - if you have never mentioned this before to her. Either way (she already knew about this or not) best to keep some financial stuff to yourself.

She will ask again in future as you’ve obliged this time. She knows you have savings so you have no “reasonable” (in her mind) excuse to say no. Whereas if she didn’t know about it, you could say sorry you are a bit short this month too.

If this situation has annoyed you, be prepared to say no in future and for her to guilt trip or be angry about it.

Enjoy!

Hearmeout · 12/09/2023 08:26

There are two types of people for this. Those who thinks it's petty when someone ask them to repay what they owe and those with integrity who know they should never have to be asked to fulfil their commitments. Never ever lend money to the first type. They weren't brought up right.

somewhereovertherain · 12/09/2023 08:26

You’ll have to ask for it

personally I have a simple rule I’ll only ever lend people money I don’t expect to get back. if you can’t afford to right it off then please don’t lend it.

Riverlee · 12/09/2023 08:29

Maybe she just didn’t get around to doing it - one of those five minute jobs that never got done.

Going forward, don’t mix business with pleasure. Ie. No more lending of money.

User3735 · 12/09/2023 08:29

It was completely unnecessary of you to say savings account. After being cross on your behalf I then lost all sympathy. It's a bit of an arsey thing to do to message a friend who is struggling so much they had to lend a small amount of money to see them few a few days to say you need it back to add to your savings. You'd rather sit on the cash than let the struggling friend keep a small amount? Did the friend know it was from your savings?

ClairDeLaLune · 12/09/2023 08:30

Gmary20 · 11/09/2023 23:25

Can't you just write it off? If she's struggling that much with money that she needs to borrow £30 quid I would just give it to her and not expect it back. She probably hasn't given it back to you as she doesn't have it and is embarrassed or out of options.

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back, do the descent thing and just ask her upfront. Don't be passive aggressive as many other people have suggested, by saying "oh has the bank lost the payment?" or sending ... on her message saying she would pay it back. That's childish.

Edited

Did you miss the bit where OP said she’s a single mum of 2 and CF earns a lot more than her? Not everyone can afford to write off £30. Get real.

OP don’t lend to her again. You’ll need a good excuse now she knows about your savings account though…

Abfab63 · 12/09/2023 08:31

Just sent your bank details along with "Morning! Hope you had a lovely weekend. Here's my bank details for the £30 ☺️"

Anything over £10 I ask for back

Nevermind202020 · 12/09/2023 08:32

PackBacker · 11/09/2023 09:43

I world send a text asking her to let you know when she’s the transferred the money so you can check your account later today.

This, plus don't lend her money ever again unless 1. you get more comfortable asking for it back or 2. you don't mind not getting it back at all (so giving, not loaning). To some people £30 isn't a lot, but to others it's significant - I am not sure where you fall in this, but sometimes friendships suffer because two parties do (unknowingly) sit in very different camps on this one! Good luck!

DrManhattan · 12/09/2023 08:34

Lol at @Gmary20 deleting their message but it had already been copied by others. Back tracking much?