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Original poster

To not want to ask for my money back!

172 replies

KeepingItTogether23 · 11/09/2023 09:22

Lent my friend some money last week, not much just £30 to get her through Thursday and Friday with the promise she would transfer it straight back Saturday morning.
Its Monday morning, she hasnt transferred it!
I absolutely HATE having to ask for money back.

Is it unreasonable for me to think I shouldnt have to, we made an arrangement and she should have just transferred it Saturday like agreed off her own back?!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 12/09/2023 08:37

HalebiHabibti · 12/09/2023 08:18

Good. Now never lend her any money ever again!

This.

Never ever loan money you need back.

Your responsibility is to your children.

She will no doubt ask again.

A blanket No I can't afford to.

You have had this additional stress since Saturday, unnecessarily.

Don't bring it on yourself again.

Flakey99 · 12/09/2023 08:41

User3735 · 12/09/2023 08:29

It was completely unnecessary of you to say savings account. After being cross on your behalf I then lost all sympathy. It's a bit of an arsey thing to do to message a friend who is struggling so much they had to lend a small amount of money to see them few a few days to say you need it back to add to your savings. You'd rather sit on the cash than let the struggling friend keep a small amount? Did the friend know it was from your savings?

I assume that when you see a homeless person who is clearly struggling financially, you will drop £30 in their cup because otherwise we’ll all know you’re an arsey type of person who can dish it out… 🤔

LookItsMeAgain · 12/09/2023 08:46

If she asks for a loan of money again (she seems like she might be the type to regularly forget her wallet when out and about), simply reply at the time of her asking "Well 'Brenda', it gets embarrassing for all of us involved when we have to chase up getting our money back, so I'd rather save both of us this embarrassment and just say no now. I'm sure you understand."

Doesn't matter if the delay is her forgetting to transfer the money, or something with the bank.

I'd actually recommend using the likes of Revolut for this kind of short term money transfer as the money hits your Revolut account immediately.

AngelinaFibres · 12/09/2023 08:53

Hearmeout · 12/09/2023 08:26

There are two types of people for this. Those who thinks it's petty when someone ask them to repay what they owe and those with integrity who know they should never have to be asked to fulfil their commitments. Never ever lend money to the first type. They weren't brought up right.

I worked with someone who liked to think she lived a cool and bohemian life. It seemed to involve buying things she wanted ,but didn't need, which then left her short in buying food for her children. At that point she would borrow money from the woman we both worked for. If that woman ever mentioned being paid back she would bitch and bitch about her behind her back. So vulgar to talk about money. Omg she knows I'll pay her back, I've just been busy. Why do people go on and on about money, it's just not important ? Don't sweat the small stuff. All the usual stuff that cheeky fuckers come out with when they've been asked to pay something back. I have never been asked for money by anyone. When I was a single parent there was no point asking. Now I am living a very different life I have still never been asked. If I was I would say no. If they don't like ne for that well, quite frankly,I don't care.

CClaire · 12/09/2023 09:05

Maybe the bank doesn’t carry/show transactions over the weekend? Regardless, she should’ve said thank you.

MinnieTruck · 12/09/2023 09:06

Gmary20 · 11/09/2023 23:25

Can't you just write it off? If she's struggling that much with money that she needs to borrow £30 quid I would just give it to her and not expect it back. She probably hasn't given it back to you as she doesn't have it and is embarrassed or out of options.

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back, do the descent thing and just ask her upfront. Don't be passive aggressive as many other people have suggested, by saying "oh has the bank lost the payment?" or sending ... on her message saying she would pay it back. That's childish.

Edited

Is that a joke? If someone borrows money and hasn’t given it back when they said, it’s now petty to ask for it back? You’re ridiculous.

Oh and it’s decent btw

ErinAoife · 12/09/2023 09:09

Never lent money to anyone unless you can afford to lose it, it is my rule.

calmandcaffeinated · 12/09/2023 09:13

She sounds pretty rude, I would say on that basis alone to not lend money again. Why put yourself through all the aggro? Hopefully you can relax now.

WomblingTree86 · 12/09/2023 09:15

She probably forgot that she said Saturday. She has paid you now. Don't lend her any money again as you obviously can't afford to wait for a couple of days before you get it back. It’s not a big deal.

Ramalangadingdong · 12/09/2023 09:25

Even if you can afford it she should give it back. Unless you said it was a gift. You are not a bank. To me it is the principal that matters. I hate being taken advantage of.

Peehaps she has just forgotten and needs a gentle nudge.

loreau · 12/09/2023 09:46

Glad you got your money back.

Next time it's "You know I would, but I'm really short myself, sorry".

flutterby1 · 12/09/2023 09:47

Hate that you should feel embarrassed to ask for it back, she is the one that should feel embarrassed and feel the pressure.

Berlinlover · 12/09/2023 10:00

They type of person who asks to borrow money never has any intention of paying it back, I found that out the hard way.

Original poster
KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 10:01

Just to clear up, I dont have a lot of money I budget for the month which is why money is in my savings.
So no unnecessary Bill's I havent accounted for that month dont leave me short, I dont actually have any savings. Just an account I put money in that I will need the following week if that makes sense.

If i could afford to let it go, i would have.

OP posts:
WomblingTree86 · 12/09/2023 10:05

Hearmeout · 12/09/2023 08:26

There are two types of people for this. Those who thinks it's petty when someone ask them to repay what they owe and those with integrity who know they should never have to be asked to fulfil their commitments. Never ever lend money to the first type. They weren't brought up right.

There is also the third type of person who thinks it's perfectly OK to ask for the money back but very petty to make such a big deal about it and the fact it was a couple of days late and to expect a grovelling apology for a couple of days lateness.

AliceOlive · 12/09/2023 10:05

KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 07:52

She has messaged.
Sent, dw i didnt forget x

That's all

I’d want to write back “No? So why did I have to ask for it?”

If she knows your financial situation she’s an awful person.

Original poster
KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 10:06

@WomblingTree86 I didnt say anything about a grovelling apology.

OP posts:
WomblingTree86 · 12/09/2023 10:17

KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 10:06

@WomblingTree86 I didnt say anything about a grovelling apology.

I didn't say you used the word "grovelling."

AngelinaFibres · 12/09/2023 10:18

WomblingTree86 · 12/09/2023 10:05

There is also the third type of person who thinks it's perfectly OK to ask for the money back but very petty to make such a big deal about it and the fact it was a couple of days late and to expect a grovelling apology for a couple of days lateness.

Show quote history

You're the first type aren't you? Have you paid everyone back yet?

Londonismyjam · 12/09/2023 10:19

@WomblingTree86 Are you the friend? 😂

BMW6 · 12/09/2023 10:19

Well now you know never to lend her anything again. I'd cool the friendship.

Her "don't worry" was a PA dig and she hoped to get away with it.

BMW6 · 12/09/2023 10:21

Londonismyjam · 12/09/2023 10:19

@WomblingTree86 Are you the friend? 😂

If she's not then she is definitely one who takes her sweet time repaying loans...... if she ever actually does repay.

ThinWomansBrain · 12/09/2023 10:23

if you don't ask for it back persistently she'll be asking to borrow another £30 this week.
Or £50.

WomblingTree86 · 12/09/2023 10:30

BMW6 · 12/09/2023 10:21

If she's not then she is definitely one who takes her sweet time repaying loans...... if she ever actually does repay.

Show quote history

I don't borrow money. If I lent money it would be fine for the person to pay me back a week later as in this case. I would also have no problem asking for the money if they didn’t as would assume they have forgotten. It's not something I would make a song and dance out of.

BeverleyMacker · 12/09/2023 10:31

junebirthdaygirl · 12/09/2023 07:22

Lending money nearly nearly always turns out awkward l find. I gave a friend 250 as a loan as she was in need for something for her child: an unexpected bill. Said she'd repay me pretty soon. No sign of the money. But in the meantime anytime she spent money needlessly my hackles were up. She might say they all went to the pub for lunch as a family and l am thinking..what about my 250??
So next time she mentioned it l said its OK just keep it as l knew l was never getting it back and l wanted to clear the air. I could afford the loss although not easily as had 3 kids in college at the time and lots of outgoings.
But l learnt a lesson: either give it at the time with no expectations of payback or don't give it as the friendship changes afterwards.

Well that was silly. Why did you write off the money? She clearly doesn't value you as a friend and for her to think it was ok not paying you back,I'm not sure I'd want a friend like that. I wouldn't be able to trust them again. They clearly value a meal out than paying you back. 😔

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