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Original poster

To not want to ask for my money back!

172 replies

KeepingItTogether23 · 11/09/2023 09:22

Lent my friend some money last week, not much just £30 to get her through Thursday and Friday with the promise she would transfer it straight back Saturday morning.
Its Monday morning, she hasnt transferred it!
I absolutely HATE having to ask for money back.

Is it unreasonable for me to think I shouldnt have to, we made an arrangement and she should have just transferred it Saturday like agreed off her own back?!

OP posts:
MrsGeneGenie · 12/09/2023 03:21

No you’re not being petty and the fact someone said that to you says that either they owe money or they are loaded, you are quite right to ask , it’s yours after all

Tambatamba · 12/09/2023 03:24

Never a borrower or a lender be.... (unless it's family)

Tambatamba · 12/09/2023 03:26

Gmary20 · 11/09/2023 23:25

Can't you just write it off? If she's struggling that much with money that she needs to borrow £30 quid I would just give it to her and not expect it back. She probably hasn't given it back to you as she doesn't have it and is embarrassed or out of options.

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back, do the descent thing and just ask her upfront. Don't be passive aggressive as many other people have suggested, by saying "oh has the bank lost the payment?" or sending ... on her message saying she would pay it back. That's childish.

Edited

What??? Good deeds never go unpunished, clearly. The OP helps out her friend and now she's being unreasonable for wanting her money back?? Ok(!)

avemariiiaa · 12/09/2023 03:31

Gmary20 · 11/09/2023 23:25

Can't you just write it off? If she's struggling that much with money that she needs to borrow £30 quid I would just give it to her and not expect it back. She probably hasn't given it back to you as she doesn't have it and is embarrassed or out of options.

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back, do the descent thing and just ask her upfront. Don't be passive aggressive as many other people have suggested, by saying "oh has the bank lost the payment?" or sending ... on her message saying she would pay it back. That's childish.

Edited

Wtf

Dontsparethehorses · 12/09/2023 03:35

My sister used to be like your friend - would have to be asked (more than once) by friends in the hope they would be embarrassed/ forget. I remember trying to help her see what an unacceptable attitude it was… it didn’t work and I haven’t found out if her attitude has changed more recently for fairly obvious reasons!

justwatchingtelly · 12/09/2023 03:36

Gmary20 · 11/09/2023 23:25

Can't you just write it off? If she's struggling that much with money that she needs to borrow £30 quid I would just give it to her and not expect it back. She probably hasn't given it back to you as she doesn't have it and is embarrassed or out of options.

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back, do the descent thing and just ask her upfront. Don't be passive aggressive as many other people have suggested, by saying "oh has the bank lost the payment?" or sending ... on her message saying she would pay it back. That's childish.

Edited

I couldn't disagree with you more on this.

If someone makes arrangements to borrow, they stick to those arrangements. I would expect a friend to let me know if there were difficulties in paying it back, not radio silence.

OP shouldn't have to bankroll her friend, or be a victim to deception.

CapEBarra · 12/09/2023 03:40

You really don’t need to do any of that passive aggressive ‘Ooh, has the bank lost your money?’ stuff. A snappy, ‘Hi Barb, can you ping my that £30 today - cheers’ would suffice.

treacledan71 · 12/09/2023 03:44

She sounds very cheeky especially if she earns more than you.

Mikimoto · 12/09/2023 04:16

Naughty "Barbara"!

user1492757084 · 12/09/2023 05:11

Thebigblueballoon · 11/09/2023 09:51

“Hi “Barbara”. Are you OK to transfer that £30 today? Thanks. OP”

Keep it straightforward and simple. Next move is on her.

This is perfect. Then do not lend again.

Though it can take a day or two for transferred money to show if the friend has never sent money to you before.

Brightandshining · 12/09/2023 05:20

People need reminding sometimes.. is she generally forgetful? You don't need to feel awkward about it just send a txt reminding her

anonymousxoxo · 12/09/2023 05:53

You’re a single mother. Stop lending money to others especially those who have 2x your income. Spend that money on your kids.

Zanatdy · 12/09/2023 05:53

Can’t believe she didn’t reply all day. Poor show, she clearly hasn’t got the money to send back. But she needs to tell you when she can send it back, it’s your money and if she’s got a double income and you’re a single mum then it’s even more cheeky borrowing money from you and not repaying

PlipPlopChoo · 12/09/2023 06:34

I would never lend money to anybody at the best times it is a recipe for ill feeling but absolutely never lend money to anybody with a higher income. If they cannot manage their cashflow then that is their problem

This will only eat away at your friendship so consider going no contact and any messages she sends should be met with "I have not received my £30 back" until she returns it or stops bothering you.

BeMoreBarbie · 12/09/2023 07:05

@Gmary20 obviously living in a different world to the rest of us and doesn't get the value of £30 right now.

Any news OP?

junebirthdaygirl · 12/09/2023 07:22

Lending money nearly nearly always turns out awkward l find. I gave a friend 250 as a loan as she was in need for something for her child: an unexpected bill. Said she'd repay me pretty soon. No sign of the money. But in the meantime anytime she spent money needlessly my hackles were up. She might say they all went to the pub for lunch as a family and l am thinking..what about my 250??
So next time she mentioned it l said its OK just keep it as l knew l was never getting it back and l wanted to clear the air. I could afford the loss although not easily as had 3 kids in college at the time and lots of outgoings.
But l learnt a lesson: either give it at the time with no expectations of payback or don't give it as the friendship changes afterwards.

jaspertown · 12/09/2023 07:22

If you long press on message you've sent on WhatsApp and press the three dots at the top right corner, then "info" you'll see exactly when it was delivered and if she has seen it even if she has her read receipts turned off. I feel your pain, I am the very same and hate asking for money back.

Flakey99 · 12/09/2023 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You do realise that we can still read the unedited version, don’t you? 😂

Yes, maybe the OP could have been more direct when asking for HER money back.

The word for the friend is THIEF.

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/09/2023 07:30

I think you shouldn't have mentioned your savings account but should have said you needed it for food. Was she paid on Saturday?

SlipSlidinAway · 12/09/2023 07:32

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/09/2023 07:30

I think you shouldn't have mentioned your savings account but should have said you needed it for food. Was she paid on Saturday?

She doesn't need to give a reason to ask for her money back.

69Pineapples69 · 12/09/2023 07:36

I lent money to a "friend" for electric, food and formula and nappies. It was a fair amount. Was promised she'd pay me back in installments...don't lend money if your not willing to never see it again. This is the lesson I have learned. People take advantage of generous people. I'm glad it wasn't £200 like it was for me

Upcyclerookie · 12/09/2023 07:41

It's annoying but I would be tempted to just let it go. The good thing about it is she can't ask you for money again as she knows she hasn't paid you back the last loan

diddl · 12/09/2023 07:43

It's probably not important enough to her to bother herself with.

If I've borrowed money then it would be on my mind until I paid it back!

Original poster
KeepingItTogether23 · 12/09/2023 07:46

No update yet

OP posts:
diddl · 12/09/2023 07:47

If your going to be petty and ask her for it back,

How is it petty to ask for it back when that was the agreement?

If she wanted a gift then that's what she should have asked for!