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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell his partner we slept together?

226 replies

kuzmichtm · 10/09/2023 17:35

Please be kind, I know I've made a mistake.

I have a 15 year old DS with my ex H, we split nearly 6 years ago and I got into another relationship, I have a 18 month old with him but we split when he was a couple months old as he was very abusive towards me. He doesn't have any involvement. My ex H has been helpful, he had DS1 living with him as there wasn't any space at my mums, he looked after DS2 on occasions.

He came over last night to bring DS1’s school bag, DS1 was out and my mum had my youngest. I invited him to have some drinks and he agreed and we ended up sleeping together.

He's been in a relationship for 3 years but I'm not sure where I should tell her or not.

WIBU?

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 10/09/2023 17:36

Of course you shouldn’t tell her. You’ll wreck his marriage and he’ll hate you for it.

LarryStylinson · 10/09/2023 17:37

What would you gain from doing that?

Nohelpfromdr · 10/09/2023 17:39

LarryStylinson · 10/09/2023 17:37

What would you gain from doing that?

I think OP just wants to split them up, inviting him for drinks then wanting to tell his partner …… although he sounds quite a catch 😵‍💫 perhaps his new partner needs to know so she can find someone better !!!

Chedderbites2 · 10/09/2023 17:40

Oh girl why did you invite him in for drinks 🙈 does she deserve to know of course because all of us would like to know if our partners cheated on us. Its going to leave things awkward maybe he will tell her himself? You need to talk with him and maybe steer well away for a while. If he's not happy he needs to leave her but it can't be done through your persuasion. You both need to be stable right now for your children

Justmuddlingalong · 10/09/2023 17:42

Your relationships lines sound very blurry.
Do you want to go backwards and rekindle the relationship with him, or throw a firework into his current relationship for the sheer hell of it?

Whataretheodds · 10/09/2023 17:42

You weren't calling her to tell her when he got his willy out. Why would you call her now?

TheBarbieEffect · 10/09/2023 17:42

Of course you don’t tell her. It’s not your place to.

forallthelove · 10/09/2023 17:43

Whataretheodds · 10/09/2023 17:42

You weren't calling her to tell her when he got his willy out. Why would you call her now?

Yes exactly this.

You don't want to tell her because you care for her you want to tell her to benefit you.

Throwncrumbs · 10/09/2023 17:44

You’re awful, he’s awful, does he have kids with his partner? Your poor kids stuck in this shit show!

Starwarslover · 10/09/2023 17:44

I don’t see what you have to gain by telling her. He’ll hate you and those favours will most definitely stop, as well as any amicable co parenting relationship.

Redglitter · 10/09/2023 17:44

No because your motive for telling her isn't for her benefit. It's for yours.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/09/2023 17:45

N o don't tell him. Yes maybe his partner deserves to know but your main focus needs to be on your child and that means not doing anything that will mean his dad hates you. If you tell his partner and then he refuses to see your son when it's not his contact time, refuses to be in the same room as you ever, messes about with any maintenance that he pays etc...where does that leave your son? And for what?

Alwaysdecorating · 10/09/2023 17:47

She deserves to know. But I think it would also be quite awful to tell her.

What was your plan before you slept with him?

LizardLizard · 10/09/2023 17:47

Whataretheodds · 10/09/2023 17:42

You weren't calling her to tell her when he got his willy out. Why would you call her now?

Spot on.

Sceptre86 · 10/09/2023 17:48

I'd be more focused on whether you used contraception and if not I'd be getting the morning after pill. I wouldn't tell her and as for your ex I would be re establishing boundaries.

Testina · 10/09/2023 17:49

I think you should tell her, because she deserves to know that he’s a worthless piece of shit.

But that’s entirely separate to the reason why you WANT to tell her. Do you not this you’ve done enough with your trashy behaviour?

Willmafrockfit · 10/09/2023 17:49

of course not
how old are you? 14?

DeedlessIndeed · 10/09/2023 17:49

Oh OP, do you think he'll continue to be an amicable co-parent if you wreck his relationship?

If you want to start something with him, speak with him.

Candlelight34 · 10/09/2023 17:49

kuzmichtm · 10/09/2023 17:35

Please be kind, I know I've made a mistake.

I have a 15 year old DS with my ex H, we split nearly 6 years ago and I got into another relationship, I have a 18 month old with him but we split when he was a couple months old as he was very abusive towards me. He doesn't have any involvement. My ex H has been helpful, he had DS1 living with him as there wasn't any space at my mums, he looked after DS2 on occasions.

He came over last night to bring DS1’s school bag, DS1 was out and my mum had my youngest. I invited him to have some drinks and he agreed and we ended up sleeping together.

He's been in a relationship for 3 years but I'm not sure where I should tell her or not.

WIBU?

No.
Disgraceful.

Have some shame and keep your distance.

DeedlessIndeed · 10/09/2023 17:49

Oh OP, do you think he'll continue to be an amicable co-parent if you wreck his relationship?

If you want to start something with him, speak with him.

FOJN · 10/09/2023 17:50

You currently have a drama free co-parenting relationship why the hell would you mess that up? And who would suffer as a consequence? You owe it to your children to maintain some stability. Stop being selfish.

Do not tell his partner and do not spend time on your own with him again.

WorseDecision · 10/09/2023 17:54

No you don't tell her, home wrecker.

catsinhats9 · 10/09/2023 17:56

10HailMarys · 10/09/2023 17:36

Of course you shouldn’t tell her. You’ll wreck his marriage and he’ll hate you for it.

He wrecked his own marriage!

MumOfTwoBoyChildren · 10/09/2023 17:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2023 17:58

You currently have a decent co-parenting relationship.
Chalk this up to a mistake.
Draw some boundaries and move on.

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