To tell his partner we slept together?

[kuzmichtm]

Please be kind, I know I've made a mistake.

I have a 15 year old DS with my ex H, we split nearly 6 years ago and I got into another relationship, I have a 18 month old with him but we split when he was a couple months old as he was very abusive towards me. He doesn't have any involvement. My ex H has been helpful, he had DS1 living with him as there wasn't any space at my mums, he looked after DS2 on occasions.

He came over last night to bring DS1’s school bag, DS1 was out and my mum had my youngest. I invited him to have some drinks and he agreed and we ended up sleeping together.

He's been in a relationship for 3 years but I'm not sure where I should tell her or not.

WIBU?

I mean, he's probably not going to be looking after the kid that's not his if you do 😅

@NortieTortie

Why would you put the poor woman, and doing the right thing, below the OP's kid?

Why is the woman worth less than the kid?

I can't think of a kind answer to this. None of it is kind on anyone involved. Don't tell her. Move on.

In my opinion you behaved dreadfully by sleeping with him.
Don't tell his wife/partner. That would be spiteful and selfish.

Your relationship with him is in the past. Gone. Dead.

Please get your act together and make sure this never happens again. Put aside any 'what ifs' and focus on being a responsible parent to your children.

I have to say if i was the one that was cheated on, i would want to know so i could kick his dirty ass out the door. I would clearly despise you too. There are kids involved here. Why would you do this?

No you don't tell her, that's as bad as the deed itself. I can just imagine the smugness you feel and it's making me cringe. Leave him well alone. All you will do is ruin your co parenting relationship with him. For the sake of your kid, keep your gob and legs shut

How has it been left with your ExH?

This.

So he has helped you out when you were in a difficult situation and now you want to wreck his marriage / life?

True, he is the one who had betrayed his wife, it’s his job to let her know, not yours.

Your 15 yo has had enough upset and upheaval in his life.

So many peopled concerned about the impact on OPs children - she sure wasn't when she shagged her ex. It all sounds pretty calculated imo...nobody's home, come on in for drinks, oops we shagged.

OPs Ex's partner has no obligation to OPs DC, and she deserves the truth and the right to an informed choice as to whether she stays in her relationship. OP and her not so ExH made this mess and they are responsible for dealing with the fallout, including any ramifications for their children.

It's almost like OP wants to ruin her ex's new relationship... 🤔

Please, just stop. Keep it to yourself and don't put yourself and him in that position again.

He wrecked his own marriage

I would absolutely want to know OP.

i think it is dreadful that you would even consider telling his partner. Keep your mouth and other parts of your anatomy closed.

Except it would not be the OP who ruins her ex's relationship.

She owes his new woman NOTHING.

He is the one who has cheated! Ergo has potentially ruined the relationship.

Anyway @kuzmichtm What are you going to do?

Don't be so ridiculous. He broke his vows and the trust. You can't possibly say cheating on a spouse is the same as telling someone you have no duty or loyalty to that something has happened.

And telling the OP to keep her legs shut is misogynistic.

I think you've done enough, to be honest. Can't see any benefit to telling her and his marriage is nothing to do with you anyway (his cheating is on him). Carry on co parenting and don't let it happen again.

Do not tell her, it’s not your place. It will ruin your coparenting relationship with your ex , it will negatively affect your children and it will cause profound hurt to your ex’s partner , especially if the news comes from you. Leave your ex to figure out his relationship himself, and focus on yourself and your children.

You can tell her but he won’t want you back. The whole thing is sleazy as fuck.

Presuming he regrets it now he's sobered up? Eeek. I think you maybe need to get your head straight and concentrate on your family and leave his alone.

I don't think the woman is worth less than the child but he is (or should be) OP's priority here. Obviously she should've thought about that before sleeping with exh but the best thing she can do now, imo, is protect her child's peace.

That was going to be my point.

I wouldn’t tell her . I’d just move on from it OP.

Sounds like this was your end goal all along. Premeditated. He clearly looked on it as having something handed to him on a plate, took advantage of that. Then off back to his wife he went. You do know he used you don’t you? If he wanted you, then he would still be in your bed now. But he isn’t.

Op do you want to get back with him?

If so tell him that and see what he says.