To not want her coming in the house?

[Ogy]

My husbands ex wife, his older child's mum. AIBU to not want her just waltzing into our house?

A bit of background, she never used to so I don't know why it's suddenly started but it's irritating as hell. My stepdaughter is old enough to get any things together and walk to the car at the bottom of the garden or meet at the door but for some reason her mum has started just coming in and waiting for her inside the house. She'll ring DD rather than knock and then she'll just come in whilst SDD goes upstairs and gets the last of her things.

Due to SDDs age now, DH sometimes goes to work in the mornings rather than wait for her to be collected before going which means sometimes I'm here alone too with our DC. This isn't a woman who's been very friendly toward me either so I have no desire to make random small talk with her in my living room waiting for DSD.

Aibu to tell DH to speak to her and ask that she doesn't just come in especially when hes not here. She turned up early yesterday (not uncommon for her to be early or late) so I was just lay on the sofa in my nighty eating my breakfast when she waltzed in! I'm sick of it.

Contact is 2 nights on 2 off so it's not a tiny amount of time either.

If you aren't coming back anymore to update us if you have sorted it then you can't really get arsy about posters talking about something else.

So are you going to tell her?

OP YANBU. It's almost like she's doing it to wind you up. She shouldn't be walking into your home uninvited the CF. Hope you get it sorted

You also have the power to not open the door when she knocks and just tell DSD to get her stuff, and meet her mum in the car.

Another post I don’t get. Yale locks automatically when the door closes. You don’t have to physically go and lock the door. Is OP saying the ex has a key and that’s how she gets in.
and why can’t OP say to SDD and the mother that
it is not convenient as you are showering and dressing. Kindly leave now. Backbone called for

Irrelevant of locks it is not acceptable to not be comfortable in your own home. I personally would make her as uncomfortable as she makes you. Talk her head off - when she plays passive aggressive one word answers back, tell her that if she's going to rudely walk into your home without knocking and then make things awkward, that you'd prefer her to leave. Why do you need to get your sdd or dh involved. TELL HER TO GO AND SIT IN HER CAR!

Keep the door locked.

If she knocks then don't open the door but simply call upstairs to let your SDD know she's there. She can then come down with her things and leave!

@Isinglass20 no the ex hasn't got a key. Not all front doors have yale locks.

Good grief lock your door!!!

Will solve this problem and also make your family a lot safer!! Literally anyone could walk in. Dread to think what could happen. I assume you've heard the news about the poor little girl who was shot because a man who was being chased by a gang member randomly walked in her house.

The histrionics on this thread about keeping doors locked 24/7 is incredible.

There'll be no exclamation marks left for anything else before long.

My doors are locked at all times, the only time they're not, is when I open it to come in or leave the house. I personally would start answering the door to her, just opening the door slightly, then saying she will be out shortly. You must know when she is due, so it should be easy to be near the door when she knocks lol

😂

Get a yale lock! If she can walk in all kinds of randoms can walk in too!

I live in Scotland; lived in several houses and flats. Never had a Yale lock. Very rare for anyone to have them in any estate I’ve ever lived in or visited friends in.
Loads of houses will have them, of course, but they’re really not a standard fitting, they’re not at all common in a huge number of places. Your door just locks with a key.

Concerened about covid in 2023, so much that she won’t open the door? She’d sound unhinged. 😂

The only time random that has walked in my house is a nurse who was supposed to vising my next door neighbour. She walked in my hallway and started freaking out because my dogs were barking in the closed kitchen.

She was panicking and saying she was frighted and I just said well you're in the wrong house, you need next door.

So if can happen but I'm not that bothered.

Sorry about the spellings.

*Visiting

im a step mum, I’m on very good terms with my sds mum, we message and chat often. We both try hard to stay on good terms because it’s best for everyone. we’ve done Xmas and sds birthdays together.
however I would absolutely not dream of walking in to their house, nor them ours. Everyone waits in the car.

Passive aggressive. Best for DH to speak

Perhaps get a video doorbell then you can see when she arrives on your phone and speak to her via the app; you don’t even need to open the door.

It's not histrionics, it's called using the brain in your head. I know several people who have been burgled (a couple during the day), whilst they were in the house, and I know someone who was actually assaulted during one. If you leave you doors unlocked, more fool you.

Really?

Did they come through the front or back door?

So you haven't got bifolding, french or patio doors that people tend to have open on a nice day?

I will lock the front door but I can't be that paranoid to lock my back door.

if youre partners up before you ask him to lock the door on his way out, if youve one set between you tell him lock it and post keys back through, my husband does but we dont have people just walking in.

I couldn’t live like that! You must live in a very high crime area.

I am sitting in my living room right now with the French doors open onto the back garden. It’s a lovely relaxed way to live. I do lock the doors it I am upstairs but the risk of leaving them unlocked while downstairs is teeny tiny.

and I am not a fool! I am sorry you have to live like that.

Your front door where people can just walk in off the street is different though. Presumably your back garden is enclosed?