To not want her coming in the house?

[Ogy]

My husbands ex wife, his older child's mum. AIBU to not want her just waltzing into our house?

A bit of background, she never used to so I don't know why it's suddenly started but it's irritating as hell. My stepdaughter is old enough to get any things together and walk to the car at the bottom of the garden or meet at the door but for some reason her mum has started just coming in and waiting for her inside the house. She'll ring DD rather than knock and then she'll just come in whilst SDD goes upstairs and gets the last of her things.

Due to SDDs age now, DH sometimes goes to work in the mornings rather than wait for her to be collected before going which means sometimes I'm here alone too with our DC. This isn't a woman who's been very friendly toward me either so I have no desire to make random small talk with her in my living room waiting for DSD.

Aibu to tell DH to speak to her and ask that she doesn't just come in especially when hes not here. She turned up early yesterday (not uncommon for her to be early or late) so I was just lay on the sofa in my nighty eating my breakfast when she waltzed in! I'm sick of it.

Contact is 2 nights on 2 off so it's not a tiny amount of time either.

Any insurance people here?

My cousin was definitely able to claim when her car keys were taken when she was in the house with door was unlocked.

OP is part of a family unit. It’s not about owing her, it’s keeping the peace so other members of her family don’t have to deal with the drama. OP may very well not agree, but for me, small talk is better than standing in the corner of feeling uncomfortable. OP is a participant in the conversation, she herself said she’s not being blanked. She’s not being ignored, they are mutually choosing to let the convo die and she is blaming the ex.

In my opinion she's doing it to piss you off. She may aswel cock her leg on you. Absolute disrespect. I wouldn't have it at all

I wish this thread hadn't been completely derailed by hundreds of posters talking about locks. Whether the door is locked or not, it's so fucking cheeky of her to just walk in without knocking and being invited in by you. It's a total power play. Don't let this woman make you feel uncomfortable and intimidated in your own home, or listen to any of the posters who will say that ANYTHING is 'for the kids' and see step mums as some sort of subhuman underclass.

If you mean voiding the insurance, then yes, it’s true.

You should read the fine print in your insurance documents. It’s your responsibility to keep your things safe.

If a thief walked into your home, having accessed via your unlocked door, or open window, you’re not keeping your things safe.

And a thief who only wants to steal things, is best case scenario!

God knows who might come in whilst you’re at home with the door unlocked.

And the excuse of “I live in a rural/semi rural/everyone knows everyone place” isn’t going to fly, because thieves can be anywhere, sadly!

This is exactly how it comes across to me too.

For those of you that don't lock your doors there was a woman in a nice suburb of my pretty safe city that had someone walk into her house recently. What happened to her was awful and it certainly wasn't the Bronx!

MN is bonkers with regard to doors and locks.

We've got people who "cannot fathom" a door that doesn't have a Yale lock and has to be locked with a key.

Others who "can't understand" anyone not having all their doors locked permanently other than the 2 seconds it takes to go through it.

Do many people really have so little imagination that they can't conceive of a different way of doing things to how they do it themselves, or is it just passive aggressive patronisation?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, especially as you say she's not been friendly to you. No putting up with that, have a firm word with DH. People like that are all about power play, as someone had mentioned x

I find it utterly bizarre when people are surprised posters don't have Yale locks. I've lived in 8 different houses, NONE of which have had them. They're really not that common in a lot of places.

OP didn't marry into the ex-wife's family though did she. Jesus Christ some people are bonkers.

I understand you dont want her in your house, if relations arent good... and as lots have said, the simple solution is to lock the door. She isnt a "random woman" though. Her child is in your house.

This is madness (I'm not saying it's not true).

So if you are in & out of the garden doing jobs you have to keep locking yourself in and out on the off chance someone is going to go in the house whilst you're picking a weed up and not staring at the house.

I know I will lock my door more now but fucking hell this is crazy unless you live in a mansion.

Sorry OP, back to your dilemma. I think the ex is a CF and I would have to say something.

I do t think it’s universally true. As I said upthread I have a friend whose car was stolen at night and her front door was unlocked - she was asleep upstairs. Insurance covered it and a laptop.

Yes, same with my cousin.

I'm going to check but I don't think it's all home insurance that wouldn't protect you.

I'm not going to be locking the door when I take my bin out and similar.

Absolutely.

It's nonsense for anyone to say that you wouldn't be insured if your door isn't locked when you're at home. They can't possibly know what the terms of everyone's insurance says.

Legal and General only say this about locking doors, for example, in their security requirements:

Immediately before you go to bed all the window and door locks and bolts fitted to your home, other than for windows in occupied bedrooms, are put effectively into operation.
Whenever your home is left unattended, all the security devices fitted to your home are put effectively into operation. You should also remove all keys from locks and place them out of sight whenever your home is left unoccupied.

As well as locking the door, don’t open the door to her just shout she’ll be out in a mo. Encourage your SD to be ready when tye cheeky cow calls too.

Also on a hot day and you've got windows opened it's not really fair if someone climbed through your window. You don't have to suffocate with all the doors and windows closed like there is a zombie apocalypse happening.

Also bifolding doors. Surely the point is that you leave them open in nice weather.

I'm actually calling bullshit on not being insured.

I don’t think anyone has suggested you definitely wouldn’t be insured-just to check the small print in your policy. Insurance companies will often try anything to wriggle out of paying.

I’d rather have a self locking front door and know people can’t just walk in.

A quick google throws this up-

@Shinyandnew1 I'm going to check to be on the safe side.

I was just surprised how many people lock themselves in the house in the day when they are home.

I've got our front door locked and will probably do it more now thinking about it more for safety reasons. Not the back door though.

If somebody walked in our back door I'd probably get arrested for throwing things at them and injuring them 😂.

I don’t think of it as ‘locking myself in’ though. I close my front door and it locks-no key or anything is needed.

What about back door? I know people say villages aren't safer but they are. We have neighbours knocking about most of the time. I'm not saying we won't get burgled but it's not a big worry.

I don't feel unsafe sat in my living room with the back door wide open.

If DH's ex wife had just walked in I would have thought WTAF.

There's all sorts of stuff all over the internet with regard to insurance, to be fair.

Here's some other insurance companies' actual requirements - I'm not choosing these because they agree, they're just random insurers' actual policy wording. Every one I've looked at is similar with regard to locking doors.

AXA: Whenever you, your family or an authorised person are not present at the home the following security devices must be fitted and put into full operation

Esure: There are a few things you need to do to protect the security and structure of your home. For example, make sure you lock all the doors and windows when you go out.

L&G: Whenever your home is left unattended:
all doors and windows are closed and all the security devices (including locks and alarms) fitted to your home are put effectively into operation

LV: we'll only provide cover for theft or attempted theft if the following security is used when your home is left unattended.
Your doors need to be secured with one of these four types of lock....

No, back gardens, when you’re working in the garden, mowing the lawn, weeding, even sunbathing, is completely different to leaving your front door unlocked for anyone to walk in.

The expectations covering back gardens, which generally have fences or perhaps other properties sharing common garden fences (fences are usually quite tall, around 5 to 6 feet tall), is extremely different as a burglar would need to access your back garden first (presumably by scaling a fence), then enter your house, rob you, etc.

Sitting in your sitting room watching television (for example), with your front door unlocked, which generally doesn’t isn’t fenced off on three sides (the house being the fourth side), is a completely different proposition.

Surely you can see that?