To not want her coming in the house?

[Ogy]

My husbands ex wife, his older child's mum. AIBU to not want her just waltzing into our house?

A bit of background, she never used to so I don't know why it's suddenly started but it's irritating as hell. My stepdaughter is old enough to get any things together and walk to the car at the bottom of the garden or meet at the door but for some reason her mum has started just coming in and waiting for her inside the house. She'll ring DD rather than knock and then she'll just come in whilst SDD goes upstairs and gets the last of her things.

Due to SDDs age now, DH sometimes goes to work in the mornings rather than wait for her to be collected before going which means sometimes I'm here alone too with our DC. This isn't a woman who's been very friendly toward me either so I have no desire to make random small talk with her in my living room waiting for DSD.

Aibu to tell DH to speak to her and ask that she doesn't just come in especially when hes not here. She turned up early yesterday (not uncommon for her to be early or late) so I was just lay on the sofa in my nighty eating my breakfast when she waltzed in! I'm sick of it.

Contact is 2 nights on 2 off so it's not a tiny amount of time either.

I think shows how easy it is for ANY random to waltz right in.

You've been lucky so far it's just been stepmum.

Lock the door.

But regardless I shouldn't have to lock my door to prevent a random woman walking in my house should I?

but that’s why you have locks! The literal point it to prevent random people walking into your house! Lock the door!

OK so I start locking the door every time, AIBU to not then let her in when she knocks and ask DSD not to let her in either?

Locking your door is to stop people walking into your house! It bemused me when people moan that family members/neighbours just walk into their house. Get a lock and use it!

If she's going to blank you in your own home, then yeah you're not being unreasonable to not want her in. If she was civil it would be different

Cheeky cow just waltzing into your home and not even really acknowledging you. Wow. I would be furious.
Next time tell her you would prefer her to wait in her car for her daughter to come out. Be firm. And lock your door.

Fair enough. But you shouldn't just be walking into anyone's house just because their door is unlocked. Doesn't stop you being a cheeky fuck does it.

But you have the literal power to stop this in seconds! My door would have been locked the first time anyone did this.

She doesn't literally blank me but she won't say more than a strained "hello" And then nothing much else maybe the odd how are you. Then she'll spend the rest of the time speaking to the kids.

I don’t think you can call her a cheeky fuck for doing something you haven’t asked her not to do!

She's wrong to just walk in uninvited and YANBU to not invite her in if she knocks on the door and you answer. But it's your SDD's home too, seems unfair to tell her she's not allowed to let her Mum in. What reason are you planning to give when she asks why her Mum isn't welcome in your home for a couple of minutes?

Lock your door and if she does knock then don't answer it. She's already called DD to let her know she's there so she really doesn't need to come in if you don't want her too.

@Oldraver I've reported your post, you might want to too!

Just lock your door. Make sure you get to the door first when she knocks and say SDD will be out in a minute. And when you open the door to her, make sure that you stand right in the middle of the doorway and smile, but don't move.

I think it's cheeky to let yourself into someone's house when you haven't been invited in, don't you? Especially when you've been horrible to said person in the past.

I think I'll just ask DH to speak to her and ask her to just ring DSD from the car. I will lock the door but I also don't want to have to awkwardly open the door or stand in the doorway with her either. She should just wait in the car for DSD. I don't know why she doesn't.

How old are the DC’s? Is your DSC old enough to invite her in?

YANBU to not want her in your home every couple of days. You need to lock your door and either tell her she can not walk into your home or your DH needs to speak to her.

Yup. And why should she have to lock it, just because it instantly solves the problem that she's unhappy about? I mean, come on now, this is AIBU on MN. Stop being logical.

You know, she’ll be in your life for a very long time- perhaps she is trying to change the dynamic of the relationship? It’s so much easier for everyone if you can all get along.

Ha ha, yeah. Like walking into someone's house any time she feels like it and generally snubbing OP will improve the dynamic.

OP, she's boundary pushing/territory marking. Get your DH to tell her not to do it. His ex, his mess to sort out.

You know, she’ll be in your life for a very long time- perhaps she is trying to change the dynamic of the relationship? It’s so much easier for everyone if you can all get along

I get along really well with my DC's step-Mum - we both go to sports day, parents evenings etc. Have a regular friendly chat, swap messages where necessary.

I wouldn't tolerate her walking into my house uninvited.

Lock your door! For heaven's sake - this is easily solved. Lock up and don't let her in. If she knocks, tell her you'll send the kid out when she's ready then shut the door.

Yes it's cheeky game playing for her to just let herself into your home.

Strange thing to do - did it used to be her house?

Of course she shouldn’t just walk in without an invitation, but you need to be sure whether your daughter or your partner is inviting her in. Just to give another perspective from experience, as my late husband had three children from his first marriage …. over the coming years, there will be many times when you will all need to get on together such a special birthday celebrations for his daughter, engagement party, wedding, birth of grandchildren, christenings, etc My husband’s ex and myself had a terrible relationship at the start of our marriage but over the years we sorted it out because of the times we needed to spend together. Now she’s in her 70s and I’ve helped her & her husband to claim benefits, we send each other Xmas cards and little gifts and I always enquire after her when I see my stepchildren. Try not to make your stepdaughter a pawn in the middle. Maybe next time ask her if she’d like a coffee?

yes - that random woman and all other randoms - lock the door!