To not want her coming in the house?

[Ogy]

My husbands ex wife, his older child's mum. AIBU to not want her just waltzing into our house?

A bit of background, she never used to so I don't know why it's suddenly started but it's irritating as hell. My stepdaughter is old enough to get any things together and walk to the car at the bottom of the garden or meet at the door but for some reason her mum has started just coming in and waiting for her inside the house. She'll ring DD rather than knock and then she'll just come in whilst SDD goes upstairs and gets the last of her things.

Due to SDDs age now, DH sometimes goes to work in the mornings rather than wait for her to be collected before going which means sometimes I'm here alone too with our DC. This isn't a woman who's been very friendly toward me either so I have no desire to make random small talk with her in my living room waiting for DSD.

Aibu to tell DH to speak to her and ask that she doesn't just come in especially when hes not here. She turned up early yesterday (not uncommon for her to be early or late) so I was just lay on the sofa in my nighty eating my breakfast when she waltzed in! I'm sick of it.

Contact is 2 nights on 2 off so it's not a tiny amount of time either.

Isn't your door locked

Not always no because DH has gone to work already. But regardless I shouldn't have to lock my door to prevent a random woman walking in my house should I?

Yeah you just need to lock your door. Problem solved.

First step is to lock the door and then get your DH to speak to her - it's not her house she can't just waltz in.

No but "shouldn't have to" isn't really the hill to die on here, just keep them locked after your husband goes to work and the problem solves itself.

You'll only have to do it a couple of times. She'll get the message.

You are not being unreasonable to expect to be able to eat breakfast in your nightie without being disturbed like that.
Yes -go ahead and speak to you DH about putting in some boundaries - any reason why you haven’t done this already?

She walks in without waiting for you to answer the door?

You know, she’ll be in your life for a very long time- perhaps she is trying to change the dynamic of the relationship? It’s so much easier for everyone if you can all get along.

I agree, you SHOULDN’T have to lock the door, but it looks like you do have to. It’s the only way she’s going to get the message. Rude woman that she is, it’s powerplay and she knows it

You should always lock your door, for security and insurance reasons. Problem solved.

Lock the door.
.... then when she does ring the bell, open the door, tell her 'Mary will come to the car', smile politely and close the door.
Job done.

I bet your DH has told her he’s left he door unlocked for her. Why would she have known the door was unlocked in the first place?

Just walking in or your sdd is letting her in?

If she is literally opening the door and coming in and you are potentially walking into the area not knowing she's there, then absolutely she shouldn't be fucking doing that. I'd tell her the first time it happened.

If your sdd opens the door and she comes in and waits, that's different

whilst not great I’d suck it up for your DSD

'Waltzing' 'random'

You have a valid point but I think your language might get you taken less seriously.

It sounds like the EXDW is ringing SDD to let her know she is at the door then SDD is letting her Mum into the house, and SDD is then leaving her Amun in the living room while going to finish getting her things together.

Nothing to do with OP locking/not locking the door, as far as I am reading.

OP is then coming downstairs to find this woman sitting comfortably in her living room!

OP you need to let your DH know you are unhappy with this, and he needs to speak to his EXDW that she should be knocking on the door, rather than just calling her DD.

While it is obviously the DD's home, it is also your home, and she can't just appear in your house, if you are uncomfortable with that.

What? Your door is unlocked so absolutely anyone could just walk in?!

This is really weird and rude. Who just walks right into someone's house uninvited? Just keep the door locked and if she knocks open it a crack and say you'll let dd know she's waiting.. and shut it again.

Why isn't your front door locked? It should always be locked! If the ex wife can just waltz in, anyone can. Lock your door.

Tell her yourself that she’s not welcome in the house and she can wait outside.

I wouldn’t have my step kids mum in my house. She would be told to get the fuck out straight away. Cheeky cow.

She shouldn't just walk in but you should let her in.

She rings DD to let her know she's here then comes in, I don't think DSD let's her in as far as I know but I guess she might or she might be telling her on the phone to come in. But even so, just say 'it's alright I'll wait in the car' DH has never just let himself into her house!

You know, she’ll be in your life for a very long time- perhaps she is trying to change the dynamic of the relationship? It’s so much easier for everyone if you can all get along

She tends to just say hello to/speak to our young DC and barely acknowledge me. It's awkward.

Well yes, this is the point of locks, front doors, and security.

Why wouldn't you lock your door?

Why? She can wait in the car like DH does at hers. She's been an absolute horror toward me in the past so not sure why I'd invite her into my house.

Just lock the door. Also ask DD to say to her “ok, wait in the car, ill be out in a minute”