To be disappointed by DP's salary cut

[Lemonsugarhigh]

DP lost his job in April (a job he hated) and has been doing nothing since, just living off savings/decent redundancy money. Totally fine, because he needed a break. I wasn't concerned. He applied for several jobs but was rejected at final stage for all of them, and he was becoming disheartened. So he felt compelled to take a job that's MUCH more junior, paying significantly less than he was on before. Less than half his last salary in fact. He's now earning half my salary too. I know it shouldn't but it bothers me. Everyone else moves jobs and gets raises. Even DP's brother who's 8 years younger and doesn't have a single qualification recently got a new job paying more than what DP will be on now. DP doesn't seem bothered.

We were supposed to be trying to buy our first home together, but not financially possible now. Aibu to be disappointed? Should he have held out until he got a better offer?

It's not his fault... he's working because he couldn't get a higher paid job.

Do you think because he's a man he has to earn more than you?

For richer or poorer. Don't be a cunt.

Why did you have to use that word against OP? You disagree with her feelings, fine, but what made you decide to use an egregiously offensive insult against a woman on the Internet because she differs from you?

There’s little point quoting marriage vows at OP. They aren’t married.

Half loaf is better than no loaf.

I agree employers will take on people who are in a job rather than not. He can explain why he is in a lower salaried job if asked at interviews.

Unfortunately this is life, my partner has never earned more than about £20,000, not for want of trying. He’s pleased to be earning as we are both getting on a bit. Puts the pressure on me though as we have caring responsibilities and both need to work FT. My career fell apart and I now earn half what I earned 15 years ago. I have always worked in some capacity though and it has served me well in sometimes securing more interesting temporary contracts. I also wish it was different but have to just carry on. Think it’s a good sign that’s he’s willing to do this, some wouldn’t! I admire him for it.

Being too long without a job makes a bad impression. It's better to start working again - that shows you're not sitting idle at home - and from there look out for your next move.

He applied for several jobs but was rejected at final stage for all of them,

From what you say, I don’t think his lack of a degree is what is holding him back. If it was an essential requirement for the job he’d have been rejected at the shortlisting stage.
You say he has the skills knowledge and experience for the roles he’s applying for so maybe he needs to work on any tests he may have to do (psychometric, presentation skills etc), and practice interview skills. As you are in the same industry you could probably help him with this.
good luck. I hope he finds what he’s looking for.

I can completely relate to you. I have a partner who has way more earning potential than me, currently at least, who doesn't have the drive when it's needed. Had a £120K a year contract job that came to an end. He was so relaxed about finding another job, he took a month or so off and then surprise surprise, spent 6 months unable to find a job when he wanted. He now works at a supermarket on minimum wage! I think like other posters have said its definitely a tough job market at the moment. However, I can completely sympathise with you. Frustratingly we had lots of plans (mostly clearing debt), but since he is terrible with money and we have multiple debt payments we now struggle to even cover the basic costs each month.

It’s worth him investing some money into a good decent coach (not a life coach as such more industry specific) to help with presentation and networking. He’s inside a company and can find new opps

1. Perhaps this role will be less stressful and therefore he will be more content and happy? Money is handy , yes and you need to think practically ...i guess but surely being in work is better than not & they say it is easier to find work when you are in work...
2. Communication is key here.

YABU in my opinion.

It certainly doesn't sound like you are compatible and sadly you sound embarrassed of your partner. If you feel he is holding you back, if your values are so vastly different, it's a different conversation you need to have.

My DH and I are both qualified in our own fields, but due to our different sectors I'll never earn his type of wage. It's not an issue (nurse vs. business man). He's inspired me to change careers when I wanted but the (slightly better) money was a bonus, not a condition.

I would never judge or value him on his income, nor him me, whether it goes up or down throughout life.

I wish you luck and hope you can sort things through.

Surely any job is better than no job. He can still look for and apply for better paying jobs.

YABU he's been through a horrendous experience and getting into any job is a good thing for his confidence and future prospects.

Hmm. There are practical truths to the ‘any job is better than no job’ school of thought and if you can’t pay the bills, it’s particularly true. But if you can hold off for the right level, organisation, grade, salary…whatever it is, it’s a better plan for your career. I took a massive drop in status and salary after being made redundant and I don’t believe my career will ever recover. Couldn’t get back into my own industry quickly enough and I haven’t got the experience in this one to progress. I’m often gripped by ‘what if I’d just waited for the next one?’, and of course I’ll never know.

You don't have to put every job you've ever had on your CV. If you need the money but think it looks bad from a "they only look at the most recent job" perspective, then lead your CV with the most recent relevant job. If they ask what you're doing now, you can honestly say that you are working to keep the wolves from the door but your passion and career goals lie elsewhere. Your CV is a showcase of relevant skills and experience. You can't lie on it but you don't have to include irrelevant stuff that isn't part of the focus.

Actually a CV gap is much worse. It's much easier to embellish a job on your CV to make it look like you had more responsibilities than to explain a CV gap. The onboarding/background check process at some large international firms (at least in my industry) actually doesn't allow you to leave any gaps on your CV.

Could he do a degree while working perhaps with Open University. I know this would take some time, but at least he would hopefully be in line for a better paid job in his field. Alternatively if it is because you want him earning more money so you can buy a house, could he get an evening or weekend job?

I see the PP's point in some industries though, and particularly in some professions and senior roles. If you got laid off from an investment bank and took a job as, idk, a corporate finance manager, in some areas that would be seen as "you couldn't hack it in the intense world of IB, you've stepped off the accelerator" etc.

Whereas if you said you took six months off to travel South America and go scuba diving you'd still be "like us" because investment bankers like going scuba diving and see it as intense and exciting. You could spin it as "I took the money and had the holiday of a fucking lifetime #workhardplayhard. I'm fucking great and I knew I'd get another gig as soon as I got back", which is both a class and confidence signal.

Probably not always, no, but as OP works in the same field it’s likely she has more insight into the field that she has not disclosed to us on this thread.

I think it's pretty clear from the OP's posts that she doesn't have a lot of insight into recruitment and is making assumptions based on her own criticisms of her partner.

Where did PP say that?
40K is a massive salary for a largely automated process.
I wonder why female dominated professions like caring who actually have to deal with human shit etc get paid minimum wage. Even teachers don't get paid 40K unless top of band.
Also binmen never have to take any work home!

How is that clear?
OP if the degree's an issue then he should make getting one a priority. The job market is bad now, employers have lots of choice, why would anybody choose him over someone who has a degree and is 'just as' good, unless he's in a shortage profession?

I also have no idea how you're always #fighting fires' related to your DP and your lives are on a 'perpetual' downward trend. He just got made redundant but made 60K with no degree prior to that. How is that fighting fires? Unless you mean stagnating, which isn't ideal yes but it's definitely not fighting fires.

If you want an ambitious go-getter then that's what you have to go for. I did, and I got what I wanted. Someone with no degree btw wouldn't be high on my list, it's so easy to get one these days it will hold you back sooner or later if you don't get one eventually! Or at least, an NVQ level 6 qualification.

This sounds like you need a bigger conversation about relationship goals, and where you are headed as a couple. Does he share your dreams of homeownership? Does he want to ‘climb the ladder’, or is he happy with his lot (not necessarily a bad thing)? If children are in your room plans then that will impact the finances of the relationship down the line (in my relationship, it’s been my partner who has stopped working to do the lion’s share of the childcare, as we weren’t happy for a stranger to take care of her. It helped that I was earning significantly more than him already, as it made the choice and the impact of it easier).

If this is your life partner you need to like him and respect his choices about how he lives his life. If you don’t and this compromises what you want for your own life, maybe time to move on?

Not wrong to be disappointed. Not wrong to take a more junior job.

Starting in a more junior job may actually help his confidence, from being able to do a job well with less stress. And from there, draw on skills he already has to progress up the ladder.

You write he was underpaid in his previous job, but when he applied to what I assumed similar jobs with similar pay he was not hired. So he was probably paid too much? Or in a senior position he actually did not merit?
I am not sure which field you are in the job sector is very dynamic and competitive and if he is complacent and does not keep on learning and evolving, skills become old and redundant, so you get actually paid less. It sounds a new job with half pay is probably too low, but if he just was after quiet living and never evolved, stretched let’s say in 2-3 years, probably a 30% cut is expected. Depending on the sector in his case it was 50% which might be possible if the sector moves very quickly