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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be disappointed by DP's salary cut

257 replies

Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 07:17

DP lost his job in April (a job he hated) and has been doing nothing since, just living off savings/decent redundancy money. Totally fine, because he needed a break. I wasn't concerned. He applied for several jobs but was rejected at final stage for all of them, and he was becoming disheartened. So he felt compelled to take a job that's MUCH more junior, paying significantly less than he was on before. Less than half his last salary in fact. He's now earning half my salary too. I know it shouldn't but it bothers me. Everyone else moves jobs and gets raises. Even DP's brother who's 8 years younger and doesn't have a single qualification recently got a new job paying more than what DP will be on now. DP doesn't seem bothered.

We were supposed to be trying to buy our first home together, but not financially possible now. Aibu to be disappointed? Should he have held out until he got a better offer?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 15:47

The reason he's found it hard getting jobs is because he's young looking and comes across as quiet and nervous. He also doesn't have a degree, he got on an apprenticeship and worked his way up. He is VERY good at what he does. But a lot of companies in the industry don't even consider you without a degree. He gets overlooked time and time again for people who are confident, outgoing and natually do and believe in all the corporate bullshit speak.

OP posts:
Fleur02 · 10/09/2023 15:48

Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 15:47

The reason he's found it hard getting jobs is because he's young looking and comes across as quiet and nervous. He also doesn't have a degree, he got on an apprenticeship and worked his way up. He is VERY good at what he does. But a lot of companies in the industry don't even consider you without a degree. He gets overlooked time and time again for people who are confident, outgoing and natually do and believe in all the corporate bullshit speak.

So he’s trying his best but you still resent him because of his lesserachievements and lack of a degree.

Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 15:53

@Fleur02 I want to make it totally clear that I don't care that he doesn't have a degree - I'm simply saying in response to some posters the reasons why both me and him think he's been struggling to find a new job on par with his old job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 15:54

What I do care about is him settling for second best. The issue here isn't with his work ethic, there's no problem with that.

OP posts:
Charlattanus23 · 10/09/2023 16:01

Sometimes you have to take a couple of steps back in terms of status, responsibility, and salary before you can move forward again, especially if you've been made redundant or have had to take time out because of illness (personal experience here). As others have said, would you rather he wasn't earning anything? Life doesn't move in a straight line for everyone, only for the favoured few. For the rest of us it's more like a wiggly criss-crossy spiral.

Hubblebubble · 10/09/2023 16:03

Would him getting a degree as a mature student be an option? He could do weekend/bar work around it

ItsNotRocketSalad · 10/09/2023 16:08

Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 15:47

The reason he's found it hard getting jobs is because he's young looking and comes across as quiet and nervous. He also doesn't have a degree, he got on an apprenticeship and worked his way up. He is VERY good at what he does. But a lot of companies in the industry don't even consider you without a degree. He gets overlooked time and time again for people who are confident, outgoing and natually do and believe in all the corporate bullshit speak.

How do you know this very detailed interview feedback that no employer would ever give?

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 10/09/2023 16:09

The issue here isn't with his work ethic, there's no problem with that.

That isn't what you've said though.

He'll start this job and will never leave if it's easygoing.

You're contradicting yourself.

Dotcheck · 10/09/2023 16:13

Primproperpenny · 10/09/2023 08:44

Sounds like you’re carrying him. If he got a decent redundancy payment, that could have gone towards a house deposit and he could have taken anything else in the meantime. And I mean anything, even working the bins brings in £35-40K where we are!

How would they secure a mortgage without a job?

LovesJaffaCakes · 10/09/2023 16:19

He is VERY good at what he does. But a lot of companies in the industry don't even consider you without a degree. He gets overlooked time and time again for people who are confident, outgoing and natually do and believe in all the corporate bullshit speak.

These are all very different factors.

Looking young- how is that a negative? Unless it's purely customer-facing and some clients feel that equals inexperience.

Not having a degree- irrelevant if his CV is showing a good employment history that's relevant to the role.

Gets overlooked...for people who are confident, outgoing... this IS an issue.

You make it look like a sales job. Yes? Maybe that's just not him- round peg/square hole.

By being 'overlooked' do you mean he fails at interviews, or once he's in the company? (ie promotion.)

And- how would you know? You only know what he tells you (unless you have worked together.)

If he's not confident and the role requires that, he needs to get some advice on how to work on his delivery, communication skills.

Castleview6 · 10/09/2023 16:24

But you’re focusing on his salary and your post title is all around his salary. And maybe this isn’t him settling for second best.. maybe it’s him talking a job he’ll enjoy in his industry (as opposed to the job you said he hated). I earn more than twice my DH’s salary and it’s never been an issue - the most important thing is we both do jobs that we love and we build our lifestyle around our joint salaries.

You appear very obsessed with what others have and seem to build status based on jobs and salaries. Fine if this is important to you, but maybe it’s not to your boyfriend. Personally I’d be proud and pleased that he’s got another job (being made redundant is really hard) and that he likes it. Think you’ll either need to be able to accept he is different to you or find a new boyfriend that hold the same views as yourself.

LovesJaffaCakes · 10/09/2023 16:24

What I do care about is him settling for second best.

You don't know if he is settling for 2nd best. That's your opinion.

You also don't know why he was made redundant (or do you?)
Sadly, when numbers are reduced, it's often the weakest link that has to go. Of course, it's labelled as 'redundancy' but sometimes it's about being the right fit.

This isn't to say he's not a good worker, but maybe just not in the right job for him.

Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 16:30

@LovesJaffaCakes These days most applications are sifted automatically by software before they get seen by a recruiter. Anyone without the qualification requirements (almost always a degree required for the role he had, and the kinds of roles he was looking for) are removed from the process immediately if the 'degree' box isn't ticked.

And yes we met at work (I was a contractor at the company he got made redundant from) so I know how he is at work and how good he is at his job.

OP posts:
SurprisedWithAHorse · 10/09/2023 16:31

Sadly, when numbers are reduced, it's often the weakest link that has to go.

I find it's usually the mid-level expensive people. No point getting rid of the juniors, they work for peanuts so you won't make any savings there. But any higher and you're into the level where they make the redundancies and obviously they're not going to axe themselves. But it's a shame, because it's usually their stupid decisions that led to the financial problems in the first place.

Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 16:36

And also @LovesJaffaCakes He was made redundant because they cut two departments entirely. 40+ jobs gone I believe. He had the option to fight it out with someone else for a similar role elsewhere in the org, but it wasn't a project he wanted to work on and his redundancy package was pretty lucrative, having been there for 8 years.

OP posts:
Yellowlegobrick · 10/09/2023 16:41

How much notice did he get of the redundancy?

Most people find a new job while still employed (its easier than explaining you were let go).

I'd be concerned he isnt getting jobs that respect his qualifications/experience. Like you OP i find it odd he took something at half his old salary, its unheard of among the people i know.

Has he had a recruiter or anyone check over his CV? A lot of people are terrible at writing CVs.

Another thing to brush up on his interview skills - if he's not getting past the last hurdle that's usually the most senior person - so for some reason he's not impressing at that level and he needs to work out why.

LovesJaffaCakes · 10/09/2023 16:43

Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 16:36

And also @LovesJaffaCakes He was made redundant because they cut two departments entirely. 40+ jobs gone I believe. He had the option to fight it out with someone else for a similar role elsewhere in the org, but it wasn't a project he wanted to work on and his redundancy package was pretty lucrative, having been there for 8 years.

You say he hated his job. So maybe his employers picked that up?

I feel very sorry for him. He spent 8 years doing a job he hated.

Now, being pushed by you to earn more, after being out of work for 6 months.

He lacks confidence and isn't great at communicating.

Have you had the conversation with him that you are having here?

You appear to want to wave a magic wand and make him into something he isn't.

He needs your support, not criticism and disappointment in him.
No wonder he's not confident if he picks up your negativity about him.

LovesJaffaCakes · 10/09/2023 16:46

These days most applications are sifted automatically by software before they get seen by a recruiter.

Not always. In fact I know two managers who have recruited recently for mid-management roles and they are not relying on an algorithm to sort CVs. They are sent all possible CVs straight from the recruiting agency.

Not sure where you are getting your info from.

Maybe just in your company?

Yellowlegobrick · 10/09/2023 16:48

If i was him I'd a) do an OU degree on the side and b) work on his personal network more. A hell of a lot of jobs go to someone because the recruiter rings them and asks them to apply. My last job was never even advertised externally. Someone who knew me got in touch and asked me to interview.

Also - the seeming nervous in interviews etc? Doesn't matter if you genuinely are shit hot on the job. If you are really good people talk and when they know you are on the market for a new job, you get calls.

Fleur02 · 10/09/2023 16:50

Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 15:54

What I do care about is him settling for second best. The issue here isn't with his work ethic, there's no problem with that.

But he’s not settled, he’s been looking for work for some time and has taken the first job he was offered, so that he can contribute to the household expenses.

Are you saying that he should have turned it down? Did you tell him this before he accepted it?

whowhatwerewhy · 10/09/2023 16:59

So he's found it difficult to get another job , you obviously know all the candidates his been up against, how old they look , the fact they have degrees, are more outgoing than him ect . And now he's been offered a job your upset due to the salary. He has a great work ethic but you know he will now just coast along .
If I was him I would leave you nothing he does will be good enough for you . He's just not mr content with a degree and a salary to keep up with the Jones's

SurprisedWithAHorse · 10/09/2023 17:06

How did he get the original job without a degree if it's all automated sorting?

Maybe he needs to join the books of a recruitment agency so there are humans involved in the process.

Boredombeckons · 10/09/2023 17:43

LovesJaffaCakes · 10/09/2023 16:46

These days most applications are sifted automatically by software before they get seen by a recruiter.

Not always. In fact I know two managers who have recruited recently for mid-management roles and they are not relying on an algorithm to sort CVs. They are sent all possible CVs straight from the recruiting agency.

Not sure where you are getting your info from.

Maybe just in your company?

What OP is talking about is common knowledge tbf. That's why it's standard advice for applicants to include ATS keywords in their resumes. Even most (if not all) larger recruitment agencies use automatic workflows and parsing as well.

DrMarshaFieldstone · 10/09/2023 18:01

LovesJaffaCakes · 10/09/2023 16:46

These days most applications are sifted automatically by software before they get seen by a recruiter.

Not always. In fact I know two managers who have recruited recently for mid-management roles and they are not relying on an algorithm to sort CVs. They are sent all possible CVs straight from the recruiting agency.

Not sure where you are getting your info from.

Maybe just in your company?

Probably not always, no, but as OP works in the same field it’s likely she has more insight into the field that she has not disclosed to us on this thread.

If we’re sharing anecdotes my niece has had trouble with graduate applications as her degree is a BMus (and had this confirmed as the issue once she has spoken to a human in HR), which despite being an academic honours degree is not recognised by many automated recruitment systems.

Castleview6 · 10/09/2023 18:49

Primproperpenny · 10/09/2023 08:44

Sounds like you’re carrying him. If he got a decent redundancy payment, that could have gone towards a house deposit and he could have taken anything else in the meantime. And I mean anything, even working the bins brings in £35-40K where we are!

What a patronising attitude towards refuse collectors…they deserve decent wages because of the essential role they do for society. You’re ‘even doing the bins…” is horrible. I hope your job contributes to everyone’s lives as much as theirs does.