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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 12/09/2023 06:27

ChellyT · 12/09/2023 00:09

Clearly you've never booked an appointment with a dealership for a new car, they literally only give you one space for one person not for persons but carry on...

Where exactly did I say the salesman was sexist? Your social etiquette skills are lacking though I have no doubt with the tripe you spit out this is not the only area in your life lacking... Again carry on

Show quote history

You might not have said it, but the OP thinks it's sexism because the sales person addressed only her husband, whose name it was in and who stood while she didn't. Might be rude to not acknowledge everyone present (was it also rude that she stayed sitting to greet the sales person??) But its not sexist to greet the person whose name you have in front of you.

Willmafrockfit · 12/09/2023 07:00

it sounds from the post that you were too quick to take offence

ShadyPaws · 12/09/2023 07:53

EverythingsSoComplicated · 11/09/2023 18:37

Welcome to the car industry.... mostly all the sales men and service men out there barely acknowledge a female in their showroom. This is coming from a female that owns a high end car, that knows more about the car then they do, as all they actually know is what is written in a booklet. The stories I could actually tell people are hurrendous that I have dealt with over the years. You wouldn't think we are in the year of 2023

You know there are women in sales and service too? We have one male service advisor compared to 8 women
Sales is a 50/50 split...

EverythingsSoComplicated · 12/09/2023 07:56

Yep I'm well aware of that shadypaws but mostly all my dealings with men I have had these sort of experiences. I never said the sales and service rooms of car manufacturers are all men did I?

RecklessGoddess · 12/09/2023 09:25

I disagree, regardless of whose name the appointment was in, and whose name was on the old lease, he should have at least acknowledged her. She was obviously there for a reason, not just as arm candy!

magratvonlipwig · 12/09/2023 10:16

So, staff nember 1 spoke to both, you both were greeted and got coffee, sales person spoke to person in whos name the appointment was made. Yes he should've included you both, but huge overreaction by you.

Husband could have said, actually my wife/xxname is buying this one, shes the person who needs the info

Grapefruitsquash · 12/09/2023 10:42

I did the same. Went with DH to a dealership as I wanted to upgrade my car and do a part exchange. The salesman talked to my husband and kept asking him questions. Husband kept saying "you need to ask Grapefruit, it's her car" but I got completely ignored. We left.

pollymere · 12/09/2023 11:13

I accidentally bought a turkey of a car. I found out that it needed a new timing chain (£1000) and a garage told me it also needed a new exhaust (£300-500) and probably a new gearbox... It got to the point that it would only start if you had your foot on the accelerator. I got told I'd probably have to pay someone to take it away...

I took it to a garage to look for P/E and they told me definitely not as it was clear from looking under the bonnet that it was shot.

I booked an appointment with a pair of garages that both had cars I wanted to see...now I'm naturally blonde and petite but have dated enough petrolheads to know more about cars than my lovely DH any day. I turned up at the first garage and this older salesperson comes up eying my seemingly immaculate rare four door 1 litre Micra. He clearly wants my car... And he wants to sell me the Micra I've come to see. I take it for a test drive and it's perfect but I'm interested to try the car at the other garage. He's clearly desperate to sell me this one. I play blonde and say my husband really needs to see it before I can buy it (not a complete lie but he knows nothing about cars and trusts me). The guy is now hustling to sell me this car. He asks what I want for mine and I give him a figure based on the car being perfect. Without actually looking under the bonnet, he says "I think I can do a little better than that" smarm, smarm. I look hesitant (I'm totally confused by this point) so he also offers me a discount on the Micra and to have all the minor issues and a new MOT done on it. When my husband get there I tell him I've been very naughty and bought the car without him 😂. A week later I pick up my lovely Micra which I still have and drop off my old car...

I'd basically paid £1000ish for a car worth four times that...

Sometimes sexism and misogyny bite people in the bum...

Justlikeme234 · 12/09/2023 12:37

I am an ex car saleswoman. He should have acknowledged you both, whether or not the appointment was in your husbands name or not. When I sold, I also made additional effort with the woman in the couple as I know this is a common fault for car salesmen. Both parties are involved in the decision.
What else did he do other than not shake your hand, did he not ask you any questions? The salesman should have asked within the first few minutes who would be the main driver of the car, at that point his attention should have switched to you and figuring out what is best for you.
Go elsewhere and deal with a woman, you will be much happier.

Cosyblankets · 12/09/2023 12:47

RecklessGoddess · 12/09/2023 09:25

I disagree, regardless of whose name the appointment was in, and whose name was on the old lease, he should have at least acknowledged her. She was obviously there for a reason, not just as arm candy!

And when she made it clear they were together, ie finally stood up, he addressed them both

Panjandrum123 · 12/09/2023 12:51

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:12

Again, shouldn't both parties attending an appointment be acknowledged?

It's just basic courtesy of interaction, let alone in a sales situation.

@Sorentolove But couldn’t you have included yourself? “Actually Mr SLove bought the last one but this time I’m the person buying so convince me I should buy another of your cars?” is surely all it would take.

I’ve just bought a new car, took DP initially to sense check the deal. But then handled everything myself.

The previous car I took my sister along and we did the deal. The salesman did do a bit of “do you need to check with your husband” but I don’t play that game. I say I’ll discuss as it’s the family car but it’s ultimately my decision.

sunglassesonthetable · 12/09/2023 13:16

I think this Salesperson was rude and sloppy but it's hard to know from the OP if it was actual sexism that prompted it.

It's shocking how many posters have popped up with their tales of sexism though.

On the purely anecdotal balance of that, it's not such a stretch to believe it was some kind of sexism that prompted the way the salesperson acted.

MoxieFox · 12/09/2023 13:57

@ChellyT
Clearly you've never booked an appointment with a dealership for a new car, they literally only give you one space for one person not for persons but carry on...

The appointments I have booked for purchasing a new car do indeed allow for me to book for myself and my DH. I prefer to book over email or the phone. If it were a case of an online form with only one text box, that is when you ensure you introduce your other half even if they sit there like a lump pretending they don’t know you when you stand up to greet the sales rep like the OP did.

sunglassesonthetable · 12/09/2023 14:10

sit there like a lump pretending they don’t know you when you stand up to greet the sales rep like the OP did.

Quite the projection 😄

sunglassesonthetable · 12/09/2023 14:55

I'm interested in " sitting there like a lump".

OP doesn't describe it like that, what do you mean? I know another friendly poster described OP like that earlier and now you've taken it up.
@MoxieFox

And let's face it you have zero idea that OP was pretending she didn't know her OH. 😉

gunterlunch · 12/09/2023 16:48

Hold on a minute. By your own admission you state that you didn't stand up until the salesman had shaken DH's hand. Perhaps the salesman was told that his appointment had arrived and was in the waiting area - without being informed that 2 people were in attendance. So DH stood up when he arrived, and because you didn't do this at the same time, he didn't get that you were together.

Such a simple issue to resolve; such a petty reason to flounce out of the showroom. The scenario shouts out that you are pretty easy to offend, particularly that you didn't give anyone a chance to explain or apologise.

WhatK8DidNext · 12/09/2023 16:54

I once bought a car and the dealership actually registered it to my husband!!

We had to get the DVLA to change it without clocking up the number of registered keepers.

HarrietJet · 12/09/2023 17:11

gunterlunch · 12/09/2023 16:48

Hold on a minute. By your own admission you state that you didn't stand up until the salesman had shaken DH's hand. Perhaps the salesman was told that his appointment had arrived and was in the waiting area - without being informed that 2 people were in attendance. So DH stood up when he arrived, and because you didn't do this at the same time, he didn't get that you were together.

Such a simple issue to resolve; such a petty reason to flounce out of the showroom. The scenario shouts out that you are pretty easy to offend, particularly that you didn't give anyone a chance to explain or apologise.

This.
Why did you continue to sit while your dh and the salesman were shaking hands, op? It's quite gauche, at best, to expect someone to approach and shake your hand whilst you remain sitting.
And obviously confusing when you expected to be greeted in the same way as your dh, who had stood up. It clearly signalled to the salesman that you weren't both taking part in the sale.

sunglassesonthetable · 12/09/2023 17:53

It clearly signalled to the salesman that you weren't both taking part in the sale.

Really?

It wasn't 'clear' to OP and her OH that this had happened. And they were there.

Lilyburnspotts · 12/09/2023 18:06

Appointment was in your husband's name so as far as salesmen is concerned, you are there along for the ride! I would have just said hi pointedly and saw what he said. You've missed out though as head salesman would have given you a good discount for that!

Treeinapot · 12/09/2023 18:12

How should the salesman know who the car was for ? How about asking? I'd have thought that'd be the first question. I took my adult son with me when I went to look at a new car. Despite the appointment being in my name, the car salesman completely ignored me , assumed my son was the buyer and addressed all his sales patter to him until I set him straight. I also walked out of another show room half way through picking up my new car. They had to deliver it to my house the next day as I refused to return but that was another tale of overt sexism, far too common in that industry, they're like relics from the 70s.

69Pineapples69 · 12/09/2023 18:14

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Me and my DH went to look at a car with our kids, then 7 + 5. It was the cheapest car they had but they still welcomed all of us, offered us all a drink, provided some activities for the kids to do and the appointment was in his name. It was a little out of our price range but we went for it simply because the service was so good. Went back a few years later for another car without kids this time and the service was the same. YANBU

HarrietJet · 12/09/2023 18:41

sunglassesonthetable · 12/09/2023 17:53

It clearly signalled to the salesman that you weren't both taking part in the sale.

Really?

It wasn't 'clear' to OP and her OH that this had happened. And they were there.

Well maybe you all need a lesson on how to behave politely 🤷🏻‍♀️
Sitting down when someone approaches to shake your hand is both graceless and socially inept.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 12/09/2023 18:44

You stand when you introducing yourself or someone is introducing you

no one introduced the OP and she stood to introduce herself

sunglassesonthetable · 12/09/2023 18:44

Sitting down when someone approaches to shake your hand is both graceless and socially inept.

Thank you Harriet. I'm sure you'd be the one to issue that sort of lesson.

Speaking to just to one person and not including another seems pretty graceless and inept too.

And certainly inept when it comes to selling a car/lease.

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