Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

To think DH is being unreasonable/making this difficult when it doesn’t need to be?

197 replies

Stressedmummy7 · 09/09/2023 22:14

We are going away on holiday (involving a long haul flight and DD wants to take the soft toys for on the plane) on Monday. DD wants to bring 3 soft toys in her backpack. DH is moaning and groaning saying she can only bring one, DH won’t stop going on about it. I personally think it’s fine for DD to take 3 as she knows she can’t have all 3 out at once and also her snacks etc go in my backpack normally so she will have room in hers for them. DH is trying to start an argument with me over and saying I’m “not being strict enough” with DD. Aibu to think DH is being unreasonable/making this more difficult than it needs to be?

OP posts:

Mothership4two · 13/09/2023 01:51

How very peculiar.

So you've lost the money on his flights and holiday? Unless there is a back story, I would have assumed he has done this deliberately to stay at home for some nefarious reason but, if that were the case, he would be unlikely to broadcast that he was home alone to friends and family

Topseyt123 · 13/09/2023 01:58

Stressedmummy7 · 12/09/2023 22:42

DH insisted on staying at home over the soft toys, I think he’s being pathetic refusing to go on holiday over some soft toys! So it’s just me and DD who are on holiday and we are having such a good time!

What a complete and utter wanker he is. Have a lovely time without him dragging things down and being a misery. I'm sure he'd have found plenty of other things to whinge about if he had come away with you

As for him telling his mother that you forbade him to go on the holiday, you were right to set her straight. Perhaps he is embarrassed at what his ridiculous behaviour has actually caused so is trying to transfer the blame into you in order to make himself look better? Don't let that happen. Continue to put people straight.

I'd love to know what your MIL's response to your explanation was. Would she have told him what a monumental twat he was being, or is she one who thinks the sun shines out of his arse and he can do no wrong?

ApolloandDaphne · 13/09/2023 02:33

I agree that he seems to have been deliberately looking for a way to stay at home and not go with you. However there is little point worrying about that right now. Have a great time with your DD and you can deal with him once you are home.

Paineel · 13/09/2023 02:54

I have absolutely zero patience for grown adults who expect everyone to tiptoe around their weird childhood issues without it never being able to articulate their feelings about it. I'm really glad you went without him. Honestly it sounds like he is either mentally unwell or was desperately looking for an argument so he could stay home.

I know that everyone jumps on "leave him" on these threads but I just can't imagine being with someone like that but especially when they take it out on their own child. It seems like he needs some serious therapy to be able to properly adult.

PaminaMozart · 13/09/2023 03:36

Indeed, what is the child learning from all this...

Banrion · 13/09/2023 05:16

Delighted you went without him. Well done.

Crispyperifries · 13/09/2023 05:17

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who acted that way over an extra couple of cuddly toys! How bizarre to miss out on a family holiday over it.

ASimpleLampoon · 13/09/2023 05:31

"His mum messaged me today and asked why I had apparently told DH he can’t come on the holiday. So instead of telling people that he chose not to come over 3 soft toys, he is telling people that I apparently told him he couldn’t come!!"

My god what a Big Baby, running to Mummy.

I'm so glad he stayed home , keep the toys and bin him.

Such strange behaviour. Could he be cheating? Did he set this up to stay home?

The twisting things and blatantly lying is a huge red flag

Totalwasteofpaper · 13/09/2023 06:08

ApolloandDaphne · 13/09/2023 02:33

Also agree.
I'd be looking for secrets ... debt/gambling/women/men! Something....

And if not, this total lunacy. Getting into a weird power struggle with a 7 year old is just not right.

Does he have history for this sort of thing?
Fascinated to hear what mil's response was...

Jiasmummy · 13/09/2023 07:01

Please keepmus updated. Hope you are having a lovely time without misery guts.

bookworm44 · 13/09/2023 07:05

I can't believe he has taken it this far and missed out on a holiday! I agree with others that he's caused this on purpose so he can stay home. Did he appear to be looking forward to going away?

3luckystars · 13/09/2023 08:02

Welcome to the rest of your life without this idiot.

MotherEarthisaTerf · 13/09/2023 09:54

I'm sure you both have an amazing time! Don't think of him at all and ask your MIL not to stir the pot whilst you're enjoying yourself! Hope your daughter is having fun with all her teddies.

TragicMuse · 13/09/2023 13:32

I'm glad you're having a lovely time.

I have to confess I am a suspicious bitch and wonder why he's gone to such lengths to engineer this scenario so he could stay home...

TwoShades1 · 13/09/2023 13:44

How odd. This is really up there for “is this the hill you really want to die on” silliness. If you have the space then surely it’s fine. I could understand if they were very large and wouldn’t fit in a suitable bag. What does he propose she fill her bag with instead?

ZadocPDederick · 13/09/2023 13:59

I would be tempted to send a round robin to all relatives and friends to say that you understand that he is telling people that you told him not to come on holiday, and giving the real reason.

ZadocPDederick · 13/09/2023 14:00

Stressedmummy7 · 12/09/2023 22:51

Yes.

Show quote history

How did she react?

ZadocPDederick · 13/09/2023 14:05

Ask your daughter why she wants 3. She's 7 now, she should be able to explain. Could you suggest you take 2 so she has one and a spare if she loses it taking it out for the day, and then buy her another one as a souvenir when she's on hol? My DD is a bit older and likes having them in her bed and if I explained we were short on luggage she would agree to take only 1 or 2.

Why does she need to explain? There's room for them, therefore it's solely up to the person who thinks she shouldn't take them to explain why not.

This is comparable to, say, me wanting to put three books in my case and DH thinking it's too many, but there is room for them and I am the only person who is going to be carrying that case. Why should I have to justify and explain why I want to take three books in those circumstances?

Dumbo18 · 13/09/2023 14:06

Do people really believe that someone gave up a long haul holiday over 3 stuffed toys 😂

Wrongsideofpennines · 13/09/2023 16:06

There has got to be more to this. Someone doesn't just choose not to go on a family holiday because you disagreed about the amount of toys your child could take. That's ridiculous.

towriteyoumustlive · 13/09/2023 18:54

Stressedmummy7 · 12/09/2023 22:43

His mum messaged me today and asked why I had apparently told DH he can’t come on the holiday. So instead of telling people that he chose not to come over 3 soft toys, he is telling people that I apparently told him he couldn’t come!!

Sorry but you're husband is a dick!

I'm with him on the one teddy thing (I have 3 kids and having to track down 9 teddies on holiday is soooo stressful. I limit them to one or two!) but refusing to go on holiday over this is beyond ludicrous!

Lying about it is even worse! Do you think he has lied because he is embarrassed about being such a twat?

chasemeridien · 13/09/2023 20:16

I think he's being awful!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8