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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being unreasonable/making this difficult when it doesn’t need to be?

197 replies

Stressedmummy7 · 09/09/2023 22:14

We are going away on holiday (involving a long haul flight and DD wants to take the soft toys for on the plane) on Monday. DD wants to bring 3 soft toys in her backpack. DH is moaning and groaning saying she can only bring one, DH won’t stop going on about it. I personally think it’s fine for DD to take 3 as she knows she can’t have all 3 out at once and also her snacks etc go in my backpack normally so she will have room in hers for them. DH is trying to start an argument with me over and saying I’m “not being strict enough” with DD. Aibu to think DH is being unreasonable/making this more difficult than it needs to be?

OP posts:
PollyPut · 10/09/2023 08:29

It's a long haul flight. If she wants three soft toys to keep her occupied then that sounds fine - unless they are massive.

cheddercherry · 10/09/2023 08:29

Really weird, does he have a secret soft toy phobia that they’re going to pull a Toy Story and take over the plane?!

On a serious note we usually only take one (maybe two at a push) just because I know DS would probably lose track of three and we always end up getting one/ more away so he comes back with a bag full regardless of how many I try to start with!

But no, you’re not unreasonable in this OP. It’s a strange hill for him to die on right before what’s supposed to be an exciting family holiday.

Howtohandl · 10/09/2023 08:30

This sounds very similar to an argument me and DH had about toys in the back of the car. He wanted to ban all toys in the car for a long car journey. However, there was a good reason for this as my youngest is nearly 2 and they would have just been fighting over the toys as she claims the older DD’s as ‘mine’ so older DD has to hand the toy over to keep the peace and then sulks. He didn’t like the commotion when driving and was proved right as it was a nice quiet car journey! This sounds silly though if it’s just her!

Takeabreather23 · 10/09/2023 08:54

Hes an arse !
My Dd tooke a vey decent sized teddy abroad this year it also came in handy for her to sleep on the plane . It also got her chatting with another girl on the flight
My Df did question when we returned if we had taken that with us I said yeah. Tbh it hadn’t crossed my mind to stop her .
So three teddies that fit in her rucksack I don’t see a problem. She’s traveling away from
home so let her take a little piece of her comfort with her .

I have no idea why it may embarrass him.
Is he trying to impress some stranger ?
Doesn't his Dd come first .?

Coatscoatscoast · 10/09/2023 09:29

My DD always takes more than one teddy, I think with her it’s not about the comfort teddies bring, it’s because she puts her teddies into ‘families’ and in her head they go together. DH used to kick up a bit over this until I pointed out he was being ridiculous. I think he gets caught up in being ‘sensible’ and to him the ‘sensible’ option is taking one. To DD the obvious senses le option is taking the ‘family’. He sometimes needs me to point out how our children’s minds work differently to our own. He would see it as being a proper parent, eg laying down the law. I’ve encouraged him over the years to pick his battles! This sounds over the top though, is he like this in other ways?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 10/09/2023 09:32

I’m still a bit stuck on ‘she knows she can’t have all three out at once’. Eh? Why?! Unless they’re gigantic, in which case I can see your DH’s point! Poor little girl, caught in the middle of this when she just wants to take a few of her own things on holiday.

Agree with PPs saying your DH sounds anxious - being rigid about something inconsequential is often displacement, trying to exert control over a situation that’s causing stress in some other way. If this is the case you need to tackle it with him now and try to get him to understand the triggers for that behaviour, how irrational it is, and also the consequences for those around him.

I put up with it for years - trust me, if it becomes an established coping mechanism it will escalate for sure, and it’s fucking miserable and life limiting to live with and will be very damaging for your daughter to grow up around.

Although @Redlarge‘s post also resonated - if it’s ‘embarrassing’ for him, is that because he doesn’t want to publicly appear to be a married man with a child? If so you’ve got a whole other bucket of problems …

rugbychick1 · 10/09/2023 12:11

DD, age 11, took 2 on our recent long haul flight. No questions asked. She understood it could only be 2 and were her responsibility. I have photos of the 2 of them "flying" the plane using the map on the inflight entertainment. Hilarious

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 12:17

PollyPut · 10/09/2023 08:29

It's a long haul flight. If she wants three soft toys to keep her occupied then that sounds fine - unless they are massive.

If they fit in a toddler sized backpack, it's fairly clear they're not massive...
The whole thing is honestly bewildering.

Original poster
Stressedmummy7 · 10/09/2023 18:19

Everything is packed and ready for tomorrow now. DD is taking the 3 soft toys that she wanted to take with her. DH is still going on about it and is now trying to cause another argument over it.

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 18:21

Stressedmummy7 · 10/09/2023 18:19

Everything is packed and ready for tomorrow now. DD is taking the 3 soft toys that she wanted to take with her. DH is still going on about it and is now trying to cause another argument over it.

Still going on about it 🙄. Go without him, or let him go on his own. What sort of a holiday do you think you're going to have?

Ohthatsabitshit · 10/09/2023 18:36

Tell him to shut up

PaminaMozart · 10/09/2023 18:41

I think your husband needs psychological help. This isn't normal...

Topseyt123 · 10/09/2023 19:18

Stressedmummy7 · 10/09/2023 18:19

Everything is packed and ready for tomorrow now. DD is taking the 3 soft toys that she wanted to take with her. DH is still going on about it and is now trying to cause another argument over it.

Just tell him to shut the fuck up. It's happening, all packed and she's taking the toys she wants and you will not be engaging any further with the discussion.

He is welcome to rant and argue about it with himself in an empty room if he wishes. Then maybe he will stop being so far up his own arse. We hope.

Skybluecoat · 10/09/2023 19:54

Tell him not to bother coming if he's hell bent on ruining the trip. Has he hidden drugs up Teddy's bum or something?

Seriously, he sounds deranged. I would pack 8 teddies just to prove my point, but I am a petty bitch.

CurlsandCurves · 10/09/2023 20:01

If she wants 3 teddies and they fit in her luggage, then why not?

The only thing I’d be worried about is if they are her 3 favourite ones ever. And if for whatever reason she were to lose all 3 then she’d be devastated I’d imagine. Which would be a reason to maybe leave 1 at home, just in case.

However, from what you have said, I don’t think this is your DHs reason for objecting, he’s just being an arse.

bookworm44 · 10/09/2023 20:17

My husband wouldn't have even had an opinion on this if i wanted to bring 3 soft toys!!!

Original poster
Stressedmummy7 · 11/09/2023 09:30

DH has gone off on one again this morning and wouldn’t shut up about it again! Now he’s said he wants to stay at home because he “can’t agree with DD taking 3 soft toys on a plane!”!!

OP posts:
SevenOhOne · 11/09/2023 09:32

Is he like this about other things, op?

HarrietJet · 11/09/2023 09:33

Stressedmummy7 · 11/09/2023 09:30

DH has gone off on one again this morning and wouldn’t shut up about it again! Now he’s said he wants to stay at home because he “can’t agree with DD taking 3 soft toys on a plane!”!!

This is ridiculous, is he mentally ill?

PaminaMozart · 11/09/2023 09:39

SevenOhOne · 11/09/2023 09:32

Is he like this about other things, op?

This is what I am wondering too.

@Stressedmummy7 - I think your husband needs psychological help. This really isn't normal.

Spookymormonhelldream · 11/09/2023 09:41

I'd be encouraging him to stay at home. No way the holiday will be any fun with a Victorian paterfamilias laying down the fucking law.
For reference OP my 7 year old took about 15 teddies to Spain this year. All squashed into his back pack. No problem or embarrassment occurred at any point during the journey or indeed holiday!
Your husband is mad.

Syndulla · 11/09/2023 09:43

Show him this thread. Maybe it will reveal to him how ridiculous and childish he is being.

Dontstoptherain · 11/09/2023 09:45

Sorry OP, but why are you with this a-hole?

tell him to get fcked, leave him at home and go have a lovely holiday with your daughter and her soft toys.

Oh, and tell him to have his bags packed by the time you get back!

UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow · 11/09/2023 09:46

I’d leave him at home and have a nice holiday with your child.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 11/09/2023 10:01

UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow · 11/09/2023 09:46

I’d leave him at home and have a nice holiday with your child.

This. He sounds unreasonable and unhinged. It's only soft toys, FGS!!

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