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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being unreasonable/making this difficult when it doesn’t need to be?

197 replies

Stressedmummy7 · 09/09/2023 22:14

We are going away on holiday (involving a long haul flight and DD wants to take the soft toys for on the plane) on Monday. DD wants to bring 3 soft toys in her backpack. DH is moaning and groaning saying she can only bring one, DH won’t stop going on about it. I personally think it’s fine for DD to take 3 as she knows she can’t have all 3 out at once and also her snacks etc go in my backpack normally so she will have room in hers for them. DH is trying to start an argument with me over and saying I’m “not being strict enough” with DD. Aibu to think DH is being unreasonable/making this more difficult than it needs to be?

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/09/2023 22:40

He's just setting an arbitrary rule without any logic behind it. I don't understand why parents do this. If you want your kids to do as you say, you need to actually have a reason that's not "because I said so". Otherwise they'll won't know which rules are actually important when so of them so clearly aren't . There really isn't a logical reason why she can't take three, unless it's a space issue. I'd be tempted to pack a few cuddly toys of my own and get them out for a full scale teddy bears picnic on the plane.

toadasoda · 09/09/2023 22:40

Bunnyhair · 09/09/2023 22:25

This is such a completely weird battle for your DH to pick. Is he by any chance nervous about travelling, and this is where all his anxiety is being redirected to?

My thoughts exactly. Of all the things to be worrying about he choses this. As my Gran would say he must have a very charmed life if this is all he has to complain about.

Ohthatsabitshit · 09/09/2023 22:45

He’s being VERY odd.

Rubiconmango · 09/09/2023 22:46

It's his child too! Not his sibling. He's acting like a right twat! What on earth 😳

Lennon80 · 09/09/2023 22:49

wow controlling or what! Bet he’s hard to live with.

Turnthelightoff · 09/09/2023 22:50

I have to police what my children take when we go away otherwise they’d bring everything but the kitchen sink in a full to bursting bag that I’d also end up having to carry. I like to travel light and efficiently, not have things spilling out of bags or have them so full it’s a big rummage to find what you need. I feel that looking a bit stressed and not in control with your bags translates to how you feel, your DH could be a bit like this. HOWEVER, it’s just 3 cuddly toys, lightweight and all fit into a bag so doesn’t sound like the type of thing to cause the type of worry I describe I might have. As others have said you can’t just decree something without saying why. I have a child friendly version of why mummy doesn’t want us having too many things in bags for on the plane.

Seainasive · 09/09/2023 22:52

Sounds like my DH. It took me a few years to work out what’s going on. He gets stressed about packing/ travel and chooses something to pick a fight over. Every time! Baffles me how a fight would be a helpful way to distract from anxiety, but that’s definitely what he’s doing. I am no longer playing

Needmorelego · 09/09/2023 22:52

Why can't she have all 3 out at the same time?

BeenThereDoneThat101 · 09/09/2023 22:58

I would say to him that you agree. It is embarrassing the way that he is carrying on. ;)

As an aside, who are the 19% who think yabu. Perhaps they’d like to come forth and explain what the big deal is?

ClareBlue · 09/09/2023 22:58

I take my little toy goat we me everywhere I go. It's really horrible of him to not let her have them. There is literally no downside and if it makes her happy then it should please him.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/09/2023 23:09

He's being weird. I don't even think 3 is excessive. Why should he dictate what toys are important to your dc?

I remember having a random bag search and the staff member pulling about nine cuddlies out of my backpack once when my dc were little. I'm pretty sure everyone knew I just had small kids.

There's something uncomfortable about being more concerned about potential embarrassment than your dc's feelings.

Original poster
Stressedmummy7 · 09/09/2023 23:34

I’ve just ended up having an argument with DH over it as he wouldn’t stop going on about it and then he started raising his voice/shouting. He’s gone to bed now in a mood because he’s still not happy with DD taking 3 soft toys! He still won’t give any substantial reasons for why she can’t take 3 or for why he thinks it would be embarrassing! Dreading the morning as when he went off to bed in a mood he said “we can finish discussing this in the morning”. I just wish he would stop going on about it now!

OP posts:
Amybelle88 · 09/09/2023 23:46

What an odd man to make such a fuss over teddy bears 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hawkins0009 · 09/09/2023 23:47

Stressedmummy7 · 09/09/2023 23:34

I’ve just ended up having an argument with DH over it as he wouldn’t stop going on about it and then he started raising his voice/shouting. He’s gone to bed now in a mood because he’s still not happy with DD taking 3 soft toys! He still won’t give any substantial reasons for why she can’t take 3 or for why he thinks it would be embarrassing! Dreading the morning as when he went off to bed in a mood he said “we can finish discussing this in the morning”. I just wish he would stop going on about it now!

Maybe he needs a teddy

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/09/2023 23:48

Tell him to put it in a message with reasons. When he actually starts to type out "I don't want my daughter to take three soft toys on holiday" he's going realise what a nutcase he sounds like.

HarrietJet · 09/09/2023 23:48

Stressedmummy7 · 09/09/2023 22:24

DH won’t explain why he thinks it will be embarrassing, he just says he thinks it will be but doesn’t give any reasons whatsoever.

Show quote history

Embarrassing for your child, or embarrassing for him?! He sounds nuts, frankly.

knowsmorethansnow · 09/09/2023 23:49

Just tell him it doesn't hurt him and refuse to talk about it again.

HarrietJet · 09/09/2023 23:51

Needmorelego · 09/09/2023 22:52

Why can't she have all 3 out at the same time?

Good question! Op, you sound a little strange about this yourself, if you don't mind me saying?
The poor kid; one parent getting embarrassed at her cuddly toys, and the other making sure she knows she can't play with them all at once!
Serious issues going on here.

Rubiconmango · 09/09/2023 23:53

Sheeeeesh! What a petulent child! Get rested OP.

L1ttledrummergirl · 09/09/2023 23:53

Tell him there's no room for his phone. It's just as ridiculous.

londonmummy1966 · 09/09/2023 23:58

“we can finish discussing this in the morning”

Incredibly easy conversation when the morning comes. OK DH I've decided that you can have it your way on two conditions

  1. YOu tell DD/police her backpack over the number of toys
  2. YOu and only you will be sitting with her for the duration of the flight as I am going to book a seat as far away from you as possible.
Weddingblues23 · 10/09/2023 00:34

Doesn't talk about his childhood... Thinks it's embarrassing to have teddies... Tells you that you have to 'get strict' with 7 year old daughter... Dogmatically sticking to his batshittery... I wonder if his family were a bit oldschool/victorian and shamed him for liking teddies and it is a bit of an irrational button for him now?

Maray1967 · 10/09/2023 00:36

londonmummy1966 · 09/09/2023 23:58

“we can finish discussing this in the morning”

Incredibly easy conversation when the morning comes. OK DH I've decided that you can have it your way on two conditions

  1. YOu tell DD/police her backpack over the number of toys
  2. YOu and only you will be sitting with her for the duration of the flight as I am going to book a seat as far away from you as possible.

Exactly this. He’s being an idiot but he’d get a very firm response from me. Knock it on the head now or this will happen. You will sit with her for the whole flight. You choose.

SevenOhOne · 10/09/2023 00:37

londonmummy1966 · 09/09/2023 23:58

“we can finish discussing this in the morning”

Incredibly easy conversation when the morning comes. OK DH I've decided that you can have it your way on two conditions

  1. YOu tell DD/police her backpack over the number of toys
  2. YOu and only you will be sitting with her for the duration of the flight as I am going to book a seat as far away from you as possible.

Please don’t do this. Your poof daughter, not only no toys but her mum not sitting with her.

Crazyducklady · 10/09/2023 00:47

He’s being mean and weird.
My 15 yr old still carts his very manky looking hedgehog on all our travels. It wouldn’t be a holiday without El Pablo…
My youngest packs the most random crap in his back pack. It always contains half a tonne of Lego, then usually things like dinosaurs, string, dice, cut up bits of paper, a single sock - you know, the essentials 😁
Their bag, their choice.