AIBU to have a baby while at university?

[UniBaby]

Hi all, I'm in my late twenties and have gone back to uni. I have three more years left. My husband and I would like to start having children. While taking a year out is an option, I would like to avoid this. There is a heavy practical element to my course so I think the most I could reasonably take off for mat leave is 6-12 weeks. Would I be insane to try and have a baby at this time? Financially it is feasible for us at this time so I'm really just concerned regarding the time constraints as my course is pretty full on. Thanks :)

I forgot to add, my husband has some flexibility in his role so could also take 6 weeks off work to take over when I have to go back.

I really wouldn't tbh. You could TTC in the last term?

Finish your degree first.

If all goes to plan it could work.

If it doesn't go to plan, there are complications, you need to take sick leave before the birth, baby is premature or needs NICU, you have postnatal depression, you have a c section, you've got follow on issues from a section recovery or episiotomy, then your plan falls apart quickly.

Then consider the reality of a baby. You might have a chilled out baby who falls naturally into a rhythm, you might have a fussy baby that needs more than typical amounts of contact. You have no control over their temperament.

If you want a baby I'd suggest working or how you'd be able to manage a range of situations s a family,not just an ideal situation.

6-12 weeks mat leave isn’t realistic unless you’re paid v well and can haul in a maternity nurse, or run your own business and have no choice.

Unless your husband can take 6 months paternity leave, you will end up taking a year out.

Why can’t it wait a couple years?

Each to their own but I know in my own case 21 weeks now pregnant, I've been very sick and have pgp too so couldn't have coped. I'm a teacher but had to be signed out.

Nope. Why would you make life harder for yourself. 3rd year is usually a slog nevermind with a baby.

get your degree and some experience

I don't get how it would work?

When you take maternity leave from a paid job you are only disadvantaging the employer, whereas if you take time out of a degree course you are disadvantaging yourself. Even 6 weeks of uni work would be a lot to catch up on with a newborn.

Unless you could possibly time your pregnancy to deliver at the very start of the summer break, but then you'd be taking any end of year assessments heavily pregnant. That's a lot of pressure to put yourself under.

And you haven't even considered that you might have a difficult pregnancy, morning sickness, high blood pressure, early bleeding and need bed rest etc?

I understand this, and of course, if my child was sick, NICU, etc. I would have to take a year out, and I accept this.

No way would I do this. I barely slept for the first year

Thinking about it you are probably better off completing your degree and getting a job for a year so you can get maternity pay

Does your husband not want to to get this qualification?

Issue is it could be more than a year. You could end up not being able to return. I know this sounds harsh but it’s the reality. Pregnancy and childbirth changes you in a lot of ways. My brain is definitely not the same!
Is there anything else you can do to prepare whilst you’re finishing studying? Keep on saving, have everything else secure? Get some fun travel things done first?

I'm worried about waiting a few years due to the increased risk of difficulties with conceiving and health issues.

Do whatever you want. Just realise you'll take the brunt of impact not him. Your body, your mind, your degree. He will be fine, you might not be.

But it's not a terrible time for it. If he helps:.. but as youre not working he may see baby as all your job.

I'm interested in this question but in my mid 30s.

Honestly, late 20s I eithet would invest in some fertility checks and if all looks well, either hang on or take a year out if you have a baby. I think it will be very full on indeed otherwise if it's a practical course. Would you have support/ funds for sufficient childcare to cover exam periods if needed?

Tough call and 'there's never a right time' but I suppose it partly depends on the course and how easy you think it will be to slip back in after taking time out or not being at full capacity. I would find that quite tough with my subject as it covers so much ground.

I’d complete the degree so you can give practical component proper focus, then start working, then do entitled mat leave. Late 20’s is young.

No I’d concentrate on uni first. I know someone who had a baby while in 3rd year, she had 4 weeks off and straight back into it, if it wasn’t for her mum, dad and grandparents juggling their own jobs she would never have managed it.

university is hard enough at times without adding a pregnancy and new baby into the mix.

YABU. You aren't even 30 yet. What's the rush?

Why on earth would you deliberately make life more difficult for yourself? Even if you have a healthy pregnancy and easy labour the lack of sleep during the first few months coupled with 9 am lectures/seminars/labs would be untenable.

DD did a STEM degree that was pretty full on. In her third year she had to write a dissertation, present it and sit final exams. This kind of workload and pressure is not compatible with having a baby or toddler to look after.

I've had children while at university. It does make it a lot harder. Not impossible and plenty of parents do it, but there's the risk the degree will end up taking your months or even years longer if you have a baby in the middle of it. It's up to you if you are willing to make the sacrifices required as far as time with your child if you have the baby and push ahead with the study. Or if you don't give up the time with your child and make the sacrifices in terms of how it takes you to complete your study.

finish your degree first. Three years are not going to suddenly make you infertile.

Have you looked into childcare costs? Can you actually afford nursery on one wage?

YABU it seems like a mad idea. You risk never finishing your degree and/or burning yourself out. You are still young. Why did you go back to uni if you are so desperate to conceive soon?

It's not incompatible either. It just makes it harder. I know plenty of people who have got degrees, masters, PhDs with young children. Certainly much easier not to do it with children, of course.