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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a baby while at university?

182 replies

UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:06

Hi all, I'm in my late twenties and have gone back to uni. I have three more years left. My husband and I would like to start having children. While taking a year out is an option, I would like to avoid this. There is a heavy practical element to my course so I think the most I could reasonably take off for mat leave is 6-12 weeks. Would I be insane to try and have a baby at this time? Financially it is feasible for us at this time so I'm really just concerned regarding the time constraints as my course is pretty full on. Thanks :)

OP posts:
ToughFuss · 09/09/2023 10:21

Well, honestly, I think it would be a bit bloody daft. You’d be choosing to make life much harder for yourself, and be running the risk of not completing your degree to the standard you’d want to (or at all!) or of not being the parent you maybe want to be in terms of being pulled different ways… or both. Unless there’s some crucial context you’re leaving out, I’d wait.

Cma1988 · 09/09/2023 10:22

Given that you are late 20s, you still have a little time on your side. I’d finish degree first, get job (to get maternity package) and then ttc early 30s.

RampantIvy · 09/09/2023 10:23

I bet they had plenty of support @TheMountainsCall

ButterCrackers · 09/09/2023 10:24

Have your baby. It will work out because you have support. You will be tired but you’ll get through it. I’d say it’ll be easier as a student to have a baby than as a new employee.

CecilyP · 09/09/2023 10:25

Sound like madness to me. Even if things go really well, it still sounds crazy. Babies wake in the night; you’ll be tired. Who is going to look after your 6 to 12 week old baby after you go back to uni? How are you going to catch up with the work you missed if you also have to care for the baby in the evenings?

I’d finish the degree and try and do a year of postgraduate work before having a baby.

Original poster
UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:25

Thanks for all the replies. Another factor is I'm not working at the moment, so would not be losing out financially from having a baby at this time. I'm not in the UK, so mat leave is different, and would lose out significantly if I took time out once I started working. From a financial aspect, my husband earns enough to cover living expenses and childcare at this time.

OP posts:
TheMountainsCall · 09/09/2023 10:25

RampantIvy · 09/09/2023 10:23

I bet they had plenty of support @TheMountainsCall

Actually, they didn't. Or they used childcare, sometimes full time.

I have done a degree and two post-graduate degrees with no family support and a much larger family than average. I only did it part-time though. At one time I did 'drop out' for several years before going back to complete.

I'm not saying it's the easiest choice, just that children don't necessarily make it impossible.

crumblingschools · 09/09/2023 10:25

What childcare arrangements are you looking at? Seems strange to decide to go to university and start a family at the same time

TheWayofBeing · 09/09/2023 10:26

UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:25

Thanks for all the replies. Another factor is I'm not working at the moment, so would not be losing out financially from having a baby at this time. I'm not in the UK, so mat leave is different, and would lose out significantly if I took time out once I started working. From a financial aspect, my husband earns enough to cover living expenses and childcare at this time.

Not earning income doesn't mean not working.

FUPAgirl · 09/09/2023 10:27

My advice is that either you walk away from the degree to focus on starting a family or you wait. You can always start the degree again in the future. I did an access to university course and had a baby during it as I didn't want to wait until after my degree. I then waited until the DC was 2 before applying to uni. It has all worked out perfectly. I didn't need to interrupt my studies as the access course was only 2 evenings a week and I was allowed to bring the DC with me to class.

Depending on what the degree is in, you may need to work for a year or two first, to ensure you get full mat pay and to properly consolidate your learning from your degree.

However, having a baby now will create massive headaches for you with childcare during your degree, which can be difficult when you aren't earning a wage.

CecilyP · 09/09/2023 10:28

UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:16

I'm worried about waiting a few years due to the increased risk of difficulties with conceiving and health issues.

Do you already have health issues or is this something you’re just vaguely worried about?

CurlyTop1980 · 09/09/2023 10:28

I did this. I had to take 3 years off my masters as I needed to wait till the twins were 3 to get the 15 hours.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/09/2023 10:29

You're still in your 20s. Unless there is a family history of very early menopause you have over 10 years before fertility starts dropping significantly. Get your degree, get a job, work for minimum of a year then think about having children. Enjoy your irresponsible youth.

Original poster
UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:31

@CecilyP without being too outing, I do have a chronic illness, that could make it more difficult. @crumblingschools There is subsidised creche in the university, but I think in reality getting a childminder to come to our home would be easier.

OP posts:
RudsyFarmer · 09/09/2023 10:31

The money you’ve spent on this course is a large amount I’m sure. Why would you want to risk dropping out or getting a lower grade at the end? If you were late thirties I could understand but if moneys not an issue then get your degree and have your child.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2023 10:32

If you happened to get pregnant whilst at Uni I’d think it was doable, but difficult.

However I don’t think it would be sensible to try to get pregnant at that point. Give yourself time to finish your studies and give it your best, and then getting settled in a career, would be my advice

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2023 10:33

UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:31

@CecilyP without being too outing, I do have a chronic illness, that could make it more difficult. @crumblingschools There is subsidised creche in the university, but I think in reality getting a childminder to come to our home would be easier.

It’s a nanny if they come to your home - and you have to be their employer and do payroll etc

A childminder is in their home, and for little ones they have to be registered

Croissantsandpistachio · 09/09/2023 10:33

I worked and did a PT masters with a small baby, it's possible. I think one advantage of doing it now is that you can properly get started on your career and not take a break for MATL. Do you get long holidays also?

Does your university have a nursery or a creche? Are there options for taking a year out or dropping down to PT if you need it? If you go into it with your eyes open it could be fine and you'll have more energy than you will in 4 or 5 years. Just be prepared to be flexible if things change.

CecilyP · 09/09/2023 10:33

ButterCrackers · 09/09/2023 10:24

Have your baby. It will work out because you have support. You will be tired but you’ll get through it. I’d say it’ll be easier as a student to have a baby than as a new employee.

What support? A husband who can take 6 weeks off? That’s it!

Original poster
UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:34

TBH, we'd just really love to start a family now. I had a pregnancy scare a few months ago (a chemical pregnancy that I lost at five weeks), and we were both really excited. The losing out on youth/freedom just isn't a factor for us.

OP posts:
TheMountainsCall · 09/09/2023 10:34

Please keep in mind that if you are thinking how great it is that the university has a creche that demand for places in these childcares is often high and you may not get the hours you need, or even a place at all.

Splcam · 09/09/2023 10:34

Hi - I've worked in HE for a number of years and some of my students have had babies during their degree course. Off the top of my head I think about 5 or 6 maybe, so not unheard of. In fact I had an email last week from a student saying she was pregnant and another one who just graduated is about 5 months in, so was in early months of pregnancy when completing her final year.

I accept everything previous posters have said about what can make it difficult but actually universities do have processes in place to support women in this situation. You could for example start your course and then temporarily withdraw for a semester or academic year. In my institution we have a policy whereby we put together a pregnancy plan with Registry and the welfare team so we automatically give extensions and deferrals if something like morning sickness is affecting ability to hand in assessments. Someone will be a main point of contact and check in with the student regularly. We would also let people join classes online from home until they were able to come to class - e.g. in the early months. That's when we would defer anything to the next assessment point as well. And I always organise a collection from my course team and we send some vouchers and a card when baby's born. That's not part of policy, I just have nice colleagues 🙂

There could be knock on effects like you don't complete your degree in 3 years, and/or you have to study for a bit part time without attendance to make up assignments and not pay fees but also not access finance. But it's not impossible. And all universities should have something in place to ensure pregnant women are not disadvantages during their studies because of their responsibilities under the Equality Act (2010) where this a protected characteristic.

Now having said all of that most of the women I know ypu have been pregnant as a student hadn't planned it. And I don't think I would have planned it either. But life doesn't have to stop for a degree!

JADS · 09/09/2023 10:35

Actually, I would consider it. I did a part time PhD alongside working and had 1 child on the way. It worked OK. I was a bit older though. To add to that, we had the second child when my husband went back to do an MSc and that was brilliant because we could use the cheap nursery for older child and he was pretty flexible. We were lucky though as we were both sponsored/had decent funding.

You need to be organised, but it can work well. Do you have family support? What is your degree in?

BungleandGeorge · 09/09/2023 10:37

You will be worse off though because you’ll have to pay childcare? Usually missing 6-12 weeks of a degree (especially practicals) would mean retaking a year. I think you’re probably underestimating the effect of having a baby without much support around you. Personally I think you’d be far better getting a part time job whilst you study and then taking time off to have a baby with the money- either take a year out of uni or preferably when finished

titchy · 09/09/2023 10:40

UniBaby · 09/09/2023 10:16

I'm worried about waiting a few years due to the increased risk of difficulties with conceiving and health issues.

If you're in your late 20s there will be very little difference in your ability to conceive in three years.

If you were late 30s you'd have a point, but not now.

Finish your degree. Work. Aim to conceive age 32/33.

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