AIBU to have a baby while at university?

[UniBaby]

Hi all, I'm in my late twenties and have gone back to uni. I have three more years left. My husband and I would like to start having children. While taking a year out is an option, I would like to avoid this. There is a heavy practical element to my course so I think the most I could reasonably take off for mat leave is 6-12 weeks. Would I be insane to try and have a baby at this time? Financially it is feasible for us at this time so I'm really just concerned regarding the time constraints as my course is pretty full on. Thanks :)

How can you possibly say your health won't be affected by pregnancy? You have no idea whether you will develop certain conditions or not. Healthy women get ill throughout pregnancy, just look at the Princess of Wales. Do what you want in terms of having a baby but don't be so naive.

It's good that your wouldn't be relying on the crèche, as these are being closed everywhere.

@Scienceadvisory that was in response to a specific question about a pre-existing condition (which would not be worsened by pregnancy - this is something I have discussed with my doctor already)

I'd argue you need your faculties to be tip top a lot more once you're actually qualified and having to make life or death decisions on a daily basis, than you would in your early years of medical school.

I know people who have got through medical school with a baby. I absolutely could have done it with my 1st, no way it would have been possible with my second (but then I wouldn't have been able to work as a Dr after having my 2nd anyway).

But as long as you appreciate you might need time off, and are able to take a year out, then I'd go for it.

I went back to uni around your age and got married at the same time. Decided to try for children right away. With hindsight I'm so glad we didn't delay as it was a difficult road to parenthood in the end with years of fertility problems, tests, treatments, surgeries and miscarriages. My degree took longer than expected as a result of all that but I eventually graduated the year i had my second baby. If I'd deferred starting a family by 3 years we may not have had such a happy outcome. If I'd deferred studying I wouldn't have my degree and career now. So my advice as someone that has actually done this is 100% go for it. There is so much unpredictable about having babies, but if it's what you really want and you're prepared for your degree to potentially take a bit longer then I wouldn't risk waiting!

Maybe revisit the question when you've completed some more study - it's not necessarily the pregnancy that will worsen a condition (as I did try to explain); it's the fact that not being pregnant any more can trigger a huge flare in autoimmune conditions, amongst others.

What condition is it that is not affected at all by the hormonal and immunological changes in pregnancy and the post partum period, but is likely to progress over the next couple of years, making it so essential to give birth as soon as possible?

I had two children during my PhD, and it worked out fine for me. I had a very supportive supervisor though, and didn’t publish any papers until after I had finished.

I would strongly advise against it. My daughter did medical school and residency in the US and she was NEVER home. It is absolutely full on with class work, clinical work, mandatory "volunteer" work, etc. and residency is pretty much 24/7 for years on end.

It is unfair to have an infant whom you will have to essentially ignore for the first several years of their life. You are still relatively young and have plenty of time. You will have much more free time when you are a full-fledged doctor to meet a baby's needs then you will while in medical school and residency.

Hi, I almost started a degree a few months before I fell pregnant. It didn't go ahead for various reasons. My son is now 4 and I'm going in to my 3rd year.
I am so glad I didn't start when I did. I had an amazing pregnancy, delivery and recovery. However, my whole life turned on it's head having a baby. Not just the practicalities of having a child but adjusting to being a mum, the responsibility, anxiety etc... no way would I have had the headspace to be studying as well. I would never have foreseen feeling that way.
It's been hard enough with him being small and doing it. My degree also has practical elements but I already work FT so not a big adjustment. But the guilt at how much time it takes away from my son is awful and I'm constantly feeling out of balance. Will be worth it, but, please don't disregard the emotional toll it can take.

I know someOne who did this, except it was the bf taking the degree. It worked well because she did most of the baby care. Unless your dh is willing and able to pick up most of the baby work, this could be v v challenging. However nothing is impossible and there is never a perfect time. After you graduate is might not suit either because you are keen to get earning and not delay your career. Do you have a good support network ?? I’d say that should be a significant deciding factor.

I started a part-time Msc 3 years ago that should have taken 2 years. I got pregnant via IVF (weren't expecting it to work!) and ended up going on maternity leave with just my dissertation left. I took a full year off and then had to defer my dissertation as I found it too stressful to juggle with my return from work. I'm now going into my 4th year of a 2 year course and it's not going to try any easier! I would start trying halfway through your final year so you have time to complete everything first.

You seem very set on this so I'm not sure why you're asking for opinions.

You’re right it’s full on for years. But then OP might have 5 years of med school still and then 5 years of residency. When exactly should she start trying for a child given she’ll potentially be over 40 before she’s a fully-fledged doctor?
If she has reason to believe she’ll struggle to conceive she can’t afford to wait that long

my main worry would be not that you won’t cope, but that emotionally, working very long hours with children is difficult, it feels very bad to always be leaving them with someone else, even if the care is good enough. But it’s your call and if it was that vs fertility issues I can see why you’re thinking to do it.

I think this for me is the crux of the matter, I have been racking my brains for what sort of chronic illness fits that brief. I’m all for supporting women’s career options but unless you have a husband who is going to be hugely supportive over the next few years in taking up the child care role, or heaps of money to coVer paid-for support, then I would worry that someone will bear the brunt of the stress…whether it’s the op’s physical or mental health, the child’s happiness or the parents relationship…or failing to get the degree or be able to cope with the ever lasting post grad exams and study. Sometimes it’s a bit hard to balance all these out however much we might want everything. I can no longer work since having my kids, I loved my health career with a passion but sadly my health couldn’t take it.

If you were late 30’s maybe, but I really wouldn’t. Someone on my course did, she was back after the Easter holiday (4wks later)

I had a very smooth planned section and thankfully wasnt affected by post psrtum depression but there was still no way in hell id have been ready to go back to work at 12 weeks. I went to a mums and baby class when ds was 3.5 months and couldn't remember his name. The sleep deprivation is unreal.

I started ttc while doing my masters due to being a good bit older than you. I ended up having to take months off due to complications with the pregnancy (thankfully all worked out fine but it was a really tough few months where I was on bed rest). That didn't include the severe morning sickness and the pgp that left me with mobility issues in the last few months. You've no way of knowing how your body will react so unless you've concerns regarding your fertility I would get your course over you first.

I know people who do study with young children but it is much harder and you're running on a lot less time and sleep and you just can't give as much to your course because you're a finite resource.

Ok it's medicine. I'm not sure of the structure n your country but if similar ish to the UK (med school then 2-3 foundation years then speciality/ GP training) I would suggest finishing your course and then having babies in the years after. You can take whatever mat leave and whilst, yes, training and exams are ongoing, you have got your degree and a solid base. I'm a mature medical student contemplating this (I'm older but didn't meet the right man until more recently).

Problem with going into Medicine later is that there's never really a natural break so you have to get on with fitting a family in to an extent.

However, I'd consider what may jeopardise your progress more- taking time out, pregnancy complications, taking a short mat leave and potentially going back exhausted etc.

For me personally at your age I would worry about interrupting my studies and knowledge dumping making life harder rather than waiting a few yesrs. Maybe you could aim to be pregnant in your final year but I would personally want to see the course through before giving birth. You're young enough.

You'll end up not finishing. A baby is hard work!

Also, you want to enjoy it. Get your degree done and dusted then have a baby before going back to work. That way you have the quality time with baby, knowing you've got that degree in your back pocket! Good luck!

What if you get hyperemesis or any other pregnancy complication that means you can't actually do your course whilst pregnant? I had hyperemesis both times and had to take 3 months off work both times and I was still recovering for about a further 2 months so wouldn't have been able to do high intensity physical work like medical placements during that time. That would have been 5 months off uni sick with pregnancy complications if I were you. Which realistically would have meant having to suspend my studies then anyway presumably?

I had 2 kids in the 3 years I was in Uni and still came out with a 2:1. Granted my course didn't have placement and my husband is self employed. My son went to a wonderful childminder for 2 days at 11 weeks ( her only other child out of school hours was her own 3year old). My 2nd son was born just after submitting dissertation in 3rd year. Tough but doable with support

Of course you can, with all the supportive people around you I'd even suggest that F/T Study and having a baby can work very well together; not least because you won't be considering 'work-based' Mat Leave as your default position; having already given birth to your dc during your 'study years'.

It's doable, because I did it as an LP with HG, early CS and very little support, giving birth at the start of Y2; and yes I did go for nearly a year with no sleep etc etc, but I did make it through with a 2:1, etc.

Not recommended but very doable, so go for it OP.

I honestly wouldn't. Leave it til you've finished. I had just started a degree when I got pregnant with my first, I ended up dropping out because I felt so ill, I didn't have HG, just normal pregnancy nausea but I was all day and all consuming. Coupled with the fatigue and insomnia I felt like utter hell. Most women feel shit in the first trimester at least, don't under estimate that. Pregnancy was a real eye opener for me!

Then there's when the baby is born, you aren't going to want to leave it when it's still very tiny. In my opinion you'd be mad to do it.

I wouldn't, but as you have said that your husband is older than you, and given the fact that men over 29 start producing low quality sperm which increases the likelihood of miscarriages and disabilities, you probably should. I'm not sure why no one ever talks about how much sperm from older men affects fetuses, so unless your hubby is going to freeze some of his you should go for it.