Friend goes weird on the school run

[Popcornlassie28]

I have been friends with someone for years and our children originally started in different schools but ended up moving house meaning our children then went to the same school.

My child originally had trouble settling and finding his place with the new children as he’s very shy and I also had a hard time settling with the parents. I would try and speak on the school run but often be blanked but thought nothing of it as it’s just the school run🤷‍♀️

Anyways, my friend is quite ‘in’ with the school parents and on collection she will be stood with her group talking on the playground and blank me? Only when other parents aren’t there she will speak to me? It’s like we don’t know each other but anywhere else she will speak to me?

I recently opened up to her about my child being left out of class parties and assumed maybe it was because he was still new and got forgotten about?

She tells me ‘You don’t want to be for everyone’ yet her child and her get invited to all class events outside of school and she sucks up to all of the parents to be involved.

She recently let slip about a large meet up in the holidays with most of the class and their parents but my son was not invited and I could see the panic on her face when she realised who she had said the information to.

If that were me and someone I knew (let alone a friend) and their child was joining the school I would be a bit more welcoming and introduce them on the playground rather than ignore them?

Am I being unreasonable?

Op says that the friend blanks her when talking to someone else.
So sounds like she is either watching the friend or interrupting , trying to get her attention.
Both overbearing and rude

Don’t be silly. All the friend has to do is say hi and then carry on with her conversation with the other mums. OP said the friend completely ignores her if the other mums are there.
Wanting someone you’re meant to be friends with you to greet you is being overbearing? Bonkers.

She’s not a friend, dump her !

Be friends with other mums that aren't part of the popular group...those groups are hard work, they all have to work hard to keep their place in the cliche... go for people who are unassuming and make an effort with them, they are usually more at ease with themselves so don't feel threatened by others.
One nice friend who is genuine is more likely to make you happy

you just ignore the bitch, and walk with your head held high i dont really have school run friends and im not in a whatsapp group and i am happy to not be in the whatsapp group full of dopey 2faced bitches who just slag each other off anyway lol id rather drop my kids off and go about my own buisness and do my own things with the kids on the weekend as for parties my kids have family birthday parties and were happy. they see there friends in school and if we see them out we will say hi but were not going to have a relationship with anyof them once one knows ur buisness the whole clan know your biz. not worth it just give them resting bitch face and walk away. not worth the confrontation because it will give her more fuel

Awful woman, great opportunity to rid yourself of a shallow mean person and not waste a second more on her. Find some new friends,

Hi.
I would literally cut ALL ties with your 'friend' because she definitely isn't!
How could you be so mean to a so called friend to ignore them when they are with other parents? What does she think you're gonna do nick them all off her...she's weird.

Really pathetic behaviour from a school run, knowing also that you're new to the school and don't know anyone BUT her, she should of introduced you to the other parents and made you feel welcome.
Put her in the bin Hun x

I don't usually AS but I really felt compelled to here.
Op has another similar thread where she describes all the other school mums grit their teeth at her .
I really would consider RSD op.
It might explain the feelings and why this is happening.
Hope it's not rude but do you have a ND condition ?
It's closely associated with ADHD.
It can actually be quite freeing to see things through a different lens as what you are describing must be quite distressing.
All the best

Exactly this. Honestly, all this 'people like to compartmentalise' and 'I have friends I prefer not to mix' is bullshit. That is not how a supposedly 'decent' human being treats

I prefer to compartmentalise as do many others so it's not bullshit, its simply something you dont do. I'm also a decent human being.
We have no idea how this played out. I might catch someone's eye (rather than totally blank) but if I actually gave a big friendly smile I'd take that as an invite. Not being friendly is not the same as being unfriendly. I'm also sometimes 'kind' to odd people. I give them the time of day or spend time with them not because I enjoy their company, or even because I'm bored or have nothing better to do. I do it to be kind, however I don't want that person taking from my life elsewhere. Maybe its that sort of friendship.

She isn’t a friend and the other Mum’s also sound like bitches but I understand because I got this treatment when we moved areas too. We moved to a small village so everyone already knew each other, had made their friendships etc and just had no interest in a newcomer at all. I shrugged it off and got on with life, I just turned up on time and left straight away on the school run from there on out.

Wow, reading this I don't blame them for swerving tbh. Yikes.

I would cut ties with this woman tbh. She isn't remotely your 'friend'.

I can well believe that some parents turn up early just to socialise. When I pick up my children, I have to drive past the school to get parking. I drive past the same mums every day. They stand outside the gate waiting for it to open. It doesn't matter what time I drive past, they are there socialising gossiping. I sit in my car until the last minute to avoid having to make small talk be the subject of their gossip

those who are deeply offended clearly the truth hurts ladies LOL

school runs should be school runs the socialising part yes i say hello to passing faces but not enough to be all up in other moms business or judging them for what other people have said about them. Too much bitterness and Bitchiness for me to even concern myself in to be involved in clicks yuk! i only like my own kids and my kids can get to know their friends im not into playdates i will take my own children out of the area and we go and make friends in other areas were we meet up and its genuine and refreshing. i just dont have time to be involved in the school business other than my children learning, socialising and picking them up.

Yea I've had quite a few experiences of 'friends' dropping me like a stone.
That type of mum wants to fit in with the group that all talks and judges. I've witnessed it myself from the same group.
She ain't a friend, you will find other mums in the same situation, next time just don't entertain it.
I'm now the mum who doesn't give af (8 year's in) and turn up with headphones and engage with honest parents

Being all friendly to someone in one setting then blanking/distancing from in another because you want to 'compartmentalise' IS bullshit! And extraordinarily two-faced!

Fine, if you're happy doing that. But at least acknowledge what it is and own it!

It's likely not as deep as it seems. I see if from both sides
I moved to a small town two years ago. I have made friends with a couple of mums, but in the school playground they rarely notice me or acknowledge me. It's purely because they've grown up here, know everyone and talk to everyone. I'm (rightly), not the centre of their socialising. Nor do I want to be. I put myself out there a little and I now have a handful of parents I will talk to if I'm waiting for DD.

On the other side. While I'm relatively social if the mood strikes me, I absolutely HATE it when my world's and friendships collide. I try to avoid it at all costs because it just makes socialising really unenjoyable to me at times. For example, what I talk about with my friend of 25 years is totally different to what I talk to my friend if 2.5 years about. I don't leave anyone out. I just prefer to do things 1:1 with some and in a group with others. The groups etc were established at certain points in life, and it would be insanely awkward to mix them beyond necessary weddings and birthdays etc.
Maybe it's something like that OP

I prefer to compartmentalise as do many others so it's not bullshit, its simply something you dont do. I'm also a decent human being.
We have no idea how this played out. I might catch someone's eye (rather than totally blank) but if I actually gave a big friendly smile I'd take that as an invite. Not being friendly is not the same as being unfriendly. I'm also sometimes 'kind' to odd people. I give them the time of day or spend time with them not because I enjoy their company, or even because I'm bored or have nothing better to do. I do it to be kind, however I don't want that person taking from my life elsewhere. Maybe its that sort of friendship

Im guessing the friend is an actual friend not someone she talks to because she’s bored and doesn’t actually want anything to do with when she’s not in the mood to “be kind” 🤷‍♀️

This is what I think is going on:

She doesn't want you muscling in on her social rank.

She doesn't want your child to become more popular than hers

She is worried that you will become more popular than her with the other parents, therefore compromising her 'place'.

She wants to be at the centre of the hub for socialising/popularity and she sees you as a potential threat, so she keeps you at arms length.

Pathetic isn't it?

Exactly this!

So true! Ds went to a primary school in a middle class area (a different one from his 2 much older sisters). I'm a bit disorganised, don't have the best wardrobe, overweight and my hair has a mind of it's own - also a displaced working class scouser. I was very much ignored, ds has sn and the other parents used to pretty much blank me. I didn't mind too much but then they found out my elder 2dd both were at Cambridge and suddenly I was flavour of the month!

Ds's primary school didn't open their gates early but his younger sister's did - I think they opened them for breakfast club and kept them open.

Unless there was a super strong reason I would invite everyone to the summer session. The fact she gate kept this from you is awful.

She is no friend, she’s a snake. Don’t fall out as she will make your life hell. Just slowly quit, reduce contact.

Sounds like she’s threatened by you and you changing the dynamic she has created somehow. Maybe she isn’t her “real” self with the other school mums and knows you’ll recognise that.

She sounds like a bell end.