Friend goes weird on the school run

[Popcornlassie28]

I have been friends with someone for years and our children originally started in different schools but ended up moving house meaning our children then went to the same school.

My child originally had trouble settling and finding his place with the new children as he’s very shy and I also had a hard time settling with the parents. I would try and speak on the school run but often be blanked but thought nothing of it as it’s just the school run🤷‍♀️

Anyways, my friend is quite ‘in’ with the school parents and on collection she will be stood with her group talking on the playground and blank me? Only when other parents aren’t there she will speak to me? It’s like we don’t know each other but anywhere else she will speak to me?

I recently opened up to her about my child being left out of class parties and assumed maybe it was because he was still new and got forgotten about?

She tells me ‘You don’t want to be for everyone’ yet her child and her get invited to all class events outside of school and she sucks up to all of the parents to be involved.

She recently let slip about a large meet up in the holidays with most of the class and their parents but my son was not invited and I could see the panic on her face when she realised who she had said the information to.

If that were me and someone I knew (let alone a friend) and their child was joining the school I would be a bit more welcoming and introduce them on the playground rather than ignore them?

Am I being unreasonable?

Hi,
I know everyone might not be as confident as me, but when she’s with her mum friends blanking you, I’d walk up to her & say in a loud voice:
’ Hiya, I was just wondering if you could tell me why you blank me in front of your friends but talk to me when we’re alone’

and watch for her reaction.
call her out.
then ditch her.

this woman sounds AWFUL.
poor you, you deserve much better

xxx

It makes me so so sad that people would treat anyone like this, let alone a friend.

I definitely would NOT be doing stuff like that! I would distance my self completely from her and just carry on as you'd normally act at a new school. She's acting like a weird 14 year old - she's giddy with being in the set in school and for some reason or another wants to keep you separate. It's the blanking that would finish it for me, blimey.

Don't go Jeremy Kyle on her at the school gates as you'll only make yourself look totally bats and she'll be the victim.

My kids have left primary now, but as some others have said, I would have hated it if old friends from elsewhere moved their kids to the school mine were at. I’m a different person in different settings, and it would make me uncomfortable to have to mix friends from different places together. Especially if the friend was quite shy and her child also struggled to settle in. I would feel that I would end up carrying her and facilitating friendships for her and her child, and I know it’s selfish but I wouldn’t want that.

That said, I wouldn’t act on those feelings, and I would be friendly and welcoming. So your friend is being a bitch to behave as she is, but I can understand her thought process.

sounds like a episode of motherland. sorry you are experiencing this, some people don't leave their high school mentality.

@Popcornlassie28 the very 1st response to you post hit the nail on the head. She is not your friend has probably said unkind things about you/your family to the other parents too.

What a bitch!!

Drop her.

Snob

a person with an exaggerated respect for high social position or wealth who seeks to associate with social superiors and looks down on those regarded as socially inferior.

I'm thinking that she has told a big lie to her new friends and you know the truth so she's keeping you away.

shop at the supermarket closest to the school, (approx 9 am) you are sure to see one of the mums and you can say hello, then comment 'please dont beleive everything you hear from some ladies' then walk away. the news will spread and the busybodies will be itching to find out what you mean and whatever happens don't tell 'old friend' anything x

I had a friend like this, she got quite nasty when I challenged her on her behaviour. The fact was, she was a totally different person when she was around certain people in her clique. When challenged she verbally attacked me and it was obvious then to her that I'd seen through her. You may find this is what happens if you challenge your friend. She won't want to be seen as the bad person. I'm not sure it's worth the fallout to be honest and I think, in your shoes, I'd prefer to distance myself. Try to find a small group of people who are sincere and you can trust.

i have had a similar experience. I just cooled off her and concentrated on friends who I can rely on. I have hidden her boast posts on fb as I was not happy to be relegated to a fan / groupie type status … along with the other 700 friends 🙄. If she contacts me in person that’s fine but I will not be moving heaven and earth to accommodate her very busy schedule! I think this friend has acted in a megahurtful way.

Playground politics is absolute bullshit. Ignore it.

Make sure you're in the class WhatsApp group so you can communicate with everyone together. If you don't join it people will assume you don't want to be involved.

ShepherdMoons Sounds like a very sensible approach. I’d go with that. Take the high road her actions have said it all.

She doesn’t sounds like much of a friend at all, a friend stands proudly with you regardless. I wonder if she is jealous and part of the problem, maybe not wanting you in the group? I could be wrong and maybe it’s something else. Maybe they are just small minded pathetic people. Eitherway I wouldn’t waste my time thinking about them. Appreciate you want your child to be included but with people like that??? I used to live in a small town like that and i am gratefully well away from that now. Hope things settle for you OP.

She’s not your friend. Reach out to some of the other kids parents in his class for a play date or an Invite to play at your house. This will help both you and your little guy make friends Independent of her.

I experienced exactly this. I think I’m over it now, but it took a while.

This woman singled me out when she joined the school and used me to get her and her daughter in with all the other mums and kids. Suddenly, when she became tight with those of a higher social appeal (and it can’t be coincidental that she picked the most successful and the richest), she ditched me by behaving just like this.

She began by continuing to make social arrangements outside of school for both us together in the evenings and play dates for the kids, but would not speak to me at school, which was so confusing. Actually, if it was just me there, she would, but if others were there she would either blank me or literally turn her back on me and actively try to get away. It was so hurtful.

She may have just blatantly been using me and didn’t need me anymore or, more likely, things had been said about me and/or my child and she didn’t want to be seen even acknowledging me.

It caused me to pull away from everyone because I had no idea what was going on, it was really tough to deal with.

We go to different senior schools now and I feel more confident and able to forget the whole thing, but I tend to keep myself to myself here. I am chatty and approachable but do not seek friendship in the other mums.

She's no friend OP.

She's an idiot and the moment she suddenly wants to be your friend again, just drop her like a lead balloon and walk away, life is too short.

Some people are wierd. It costs nothing to be kind.

Nah she ain’t your friend. She’s a user & will kick you to the kerb when and if it suits her.

She knows if she is one of the first, she can approach the Mum’s as they come in the gate and not be left out of the chat (she’s said this to me)

I'm dreading the school run when my DC is older. I really couldn't be doing with any of this, but what bothers me is if I don't do any of this, will me kid miss out on all the party invitations etc? When I was at primary school we were picked up and dropped off by a childminder and so my parents never saw the school mums. We still had playdates etc. Has it got worse?

She is a bitch and a Cf and you don’t need her! Why do grown women play these bloody awful games - bollocks to her 😡

Does she perhaps think you are going to lean on her too heavily and expect her to do all the introductions

i think you need to distance yourself from her a bit and show her you are not reliant on her and make new friends…..I don’t think she is a true friend anyway so treat her like that…..it’s happened to me before and I made sure they understood that I would be absolutely fine without them and didn’t need them at all….In my head I moved their friends status to more of an acquaintance and still spoke to them occasionally……

Just be yourself and see what happens don’t confront her or ask any of the other mums if she has said anything either.

DH’s best man’s kids went to the same primary as our two her eldest being a year older than mine. They the parents had been at our wedding, hen and stag doos, big birthdays, we had been on holiday with them and the kids and we had weekends away together, meals out, BBQ’s etc etc.

When DS started school if I saw her in the playground, on the way to or from school 9 times out of 10 if other parents were there she completely blanked me time and time again. Occasionally she would speak but not often. Sometimes just before or just after blanking me she would text about a night out etc.

One day after my saying morning and another very obvious blanking. I muttered something under my breath as I passed her (which she heard) and came trotting quickly after me. Eventually I called her out on it she went mad categorically denied it and said she obviously hadn’t seen me (on about 100 occasions) etc. She then socially ostracised us and told her kids, her DH and the other couples we were mutually friends not to speak to us and to have nothing further to do with us and if they did and she found out they would never be welcome in her house and she would have nothing further to do with them etc. I know this to be true as one of the women told me.

Some sad people have their own agendas and only speak when they see fit, they are always networking, trying to find like minded people and only interested in people and their children who can benefit them or do them a favour or give them kudos in some way.

Don’t fall out with your friend but keep an eye on her and make other friends.

I know my ‘friend’ purposely gets to the school gate early to mingle. She knows if she is one of the first, she can approach the Mum’s as they come in the gate and not be left out of the chat (she’s said this to me)

If this is really the case then I feel sorry for her.

It sounds like her nose is out of joint with your child moving to her child’s school. Sometimes people like to ‘compartmentalise’ friends so she may not know how to blend the 2 settings. She could also be showing off a bit to prove how popular she is. Some mums get very fixated on the hierarchy in the school playground - I couldn’t give a monkey myself as it reminds me of the cliques in school!

This happened to me too. Met the mother when our children were babies and we became friends. Then the children started at different nurseries but remained friends.
When the children started at the same primary school, she always had a group of friends around her from the nursery and would always blank me when they were there.
It was very confusing and upsetting as she would always be friendly on her own. It troubled and puzzled me for many years and knocked my confidence. I dreaded the school run.
Her child turned out to be a similar sort to her in comprehensive school and my child quite simply ended the friendship one day.
Don’t worry about your child missing out socially. He will learn to make his own friends. Engineered friendships don’t make a child popular. Setting a good example might help them though.