That it's not my responsibility to be chasing ExH to pay school dinner money?

[DietCokeAddict19]

ExH and I split up 6 years ago, we have 2 DC who are at secondary school.

ExH is a high earner - approx £100k to my £20k.

Up until last year ExH paid child maintenance (£500 per month) but that stopped as the kids are with us each 50% of the time. It was agreed that we would each pay half of the costs associated with the children (uniform, school trips, school dinners etc) but it almost always falls to me to either buy these things, or I end up having to ask/remind him to pay for them.

Last year over the year I have just totted it up and I paid £700 for school dinners (!!!), he didn't pay anything.

He has the same school app as me so he can see when their balance is running low, but he seemingly doesn't look at it or ignores the reminders to pay. So I end up paying because I don't want the kids to go without lunch. I sent him a message before the term started to highlight that I paid for all school lunches last year and could he top up their balances, to which I got a shirty reply of "I'm sure I put money in last year" and a promise he would top up. He hasn't. So I have because DS1 has 65p in his account and couldn't buy lunch tomorrow otherwise.

Despite ExH having the kids half the time he still seems to be fucking Disney dad and I end up having to be the responsible one and sort everything out. Part of me wonders if he does it on purpose and likes me having to come to him and ask him for money, but I'm fucking tired of it. I hate asking for money and part of me wishes I could pay it all myself so I don't have to ask, but he earns so much more than me and I can't afford it all now that my monthly child maintenance has stopped.

Shock announcement!!

ExH has paid some money into the lunch money account on Scopay. Without further input from me.

(might have been because when I had to drop off sports kits on the weekend I discussed it with him in front of DC - “I had to pay in some further money yesterday as DC1 only had 65p left and wouldn’t have been able to buy lunch” - don’t think he liked his behaviour being shown up in front of the children)

Anyway, result!

Hurrah

Carry on in that vein.

"I paid £x last year for lunches and you only paid in £y. I've loaded £y this year so you need to do the rest from now. If you go over £x let me know and I'll give you half.

Another time - you that trip last year, you still owe me £a for your half of it.

What did child maintenance say?

I haven't managed to contact them yet. On the to do list for this week.

With such difference in salaries, why did you agree interrupting child maintenance?

Just catching up on your woes which are basically my partners woes with his ex… (with her being the baddie, very unusual I realise).

I think it doesn’t matter about his other properties… The beneficial interest thing is TOLATA law (property). There is a potential for him to claim. But the solicitors cost SO MUCH, and that he owns other properties and is in a hugely better financial position than you, they would probably advise him not to bother.

But who knows! I’d be looking at a cohabitation agreement to cover myself!!! If you’re in a happy relationship, it could be possible to arrange?

Though honestly, you sound like such a nice person and I think the current partner is taking the piss even more than your kids Dad?!?!?!?! He should be paying ALL the outgoings seeing as in total they are LESS than he makes from renting out his place? He’s essentially living with you for free and still could be even if he paid everything…….

Regarding that school trip money…. I can’t fathom how half of the trip is £400 that’s insane! Email the school reception and copy ex in and address it to them and say it’s his half and he owes them and not you? We had to do this with everything. It’s a bit embarrassing but who cares, it worked. She has to pay her half of football and trips and everything to the clubs etc directly now.

Also there are these great apps nowadays, things like Splid, you can just track what each of you pays for exactly… If he will get on board? She won’t, but the paying things direct and getting my step son to ask her for things himself worked for us.

50/50 overnights doesn’t mean EVERYTHING has to be 50/50 split… Another tactic could be to embrace the Disney Dad he loves to be. School trips are optional, right? So just say, I’m sorry kids, I just can’t afford it with the cost of living increases, we’re on a tight budget. Maybe your Dad would be able to afford the whole lot? Otherwise I’m sorry you won’t be able to go. Same with clubs, and non-essential items. Push it all back on him. They will NOT remember as adults their Dad being the greatest because of buying thing. All that matters is love, security, warmth, affection, supporting them, being kind and being RELIABLE. Which you are. X

I didn’t think I was entitled to it. I thought that once it was 50/50 then it wasn’t payable.

I can understand your line of thought.
In your case, child maintenance is due , just a smaller amount than if your kids were more or full time with you.

Have a look at the government child maintenance calculator website.

That said, the amount will be a minimum amount your ex must send you. Try to negociate with him a higher amount or that he pays for other specific needs.

I believe many loving dads do that even if in conflict with ex's

All the best

Have you checked with CMS if they’ve closed your old claim? Or was it just managed directly before/not logged with them?

We never managed it through CMS, it was just done between us.

Have you now contacted them?

This is a brilliant solution?!

??