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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 07/09/2023 23:57

Buy the big bottles of ready made formula, 10 seconds to fill a bottle, they can drink it cold in warmer weather.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/09/2023 00:32

If you're waiting to give her the bottle only when she's at ready to scream point, is the issue that you're waiting until she's too hungry? At 1 I wouldn't be feeding on demand for bottles.

God I can't even remember how many bottles they need at 1 and mine are only 3 but I know it wasn't in response to hunger as such.

3 meals of solids, milk on schedule and a snack if they got hungry in-between. Surely if she's that starving he can give her a banana etc whilst the milk cools / he makes her up a piecey

Justneedagirlname · 08/09/2023 00:34

I’m confused why a 1 year old needs formula and why another snack can’t be given.

re cooling - there is technology for that, you know. Nuby Rapid Cool.

if the baby was 0-8m, you would be mostly reasonable (although I think NHS says formula can’t be PRE-prepped). But at 1 year old you are being weirdly rigid

HannahsLife · 08/09/2023 00:43

I understand of course in your situation she needs formula specifically, so I'm not going to give any advice there, I'm sure you have your babies best interests and have more knowledge on her medical requirements!

But I would, if applicable, be trying to push her into eating solid meals when she gets hungry, instead of as much milk. Maybe try to figure out her schedule so 30ish minutes before she would get screaming hungry for milk, she eats a solid meal? She can then still have her milk after, but may help the weaning and also stop the screaming?

I only have the 1DC, also 1, so no expert. She wasn't screaming though, really ever for hunger once she hit 1. We stopped formula at 13 months and she has drinks of whole milk with a straw cup, but no bottles. She does eat 4 meals a day.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 08/09/2023 00:49

Solid food snack to chew on while she is waiting. She doesn't really need formula at a year old but if she is dairy intolerant can you look at some of the alternatives like soya, hazelnut etc?

Also I'm sure current advice is that formula should be made up fresh and not pre prepared?

Devilsmommy · 08/09/2023 01:26

Trickytimer · 07/09/2023 19:53

What is it then if not a baby?

Show quote history

A toddler

PastelLilac · 08/09/2023 02:10

If your 12+ month is crying from hunger then you need to feed her more food, not milk. She doesn't need formula milk or a bottle. She can drink milk and other fluids from a sippy cup.

A 12-24 month old needs around 400ml milk a day and if she can't have cow's milk then give her Alpro Growing Up soya milk.

carrzeda · 08/09/2023 02:53

A one year old is very much on its transition to being a toddler. Our youngest is now 15 months and a complete toddler, or baby toddler if you prefer. If he’s hungry is going to cry until the meal is ready, or a small snack is given. A one year old should be moving on a two hour foods schedule, and be mostly eating solids - I understand that every baby is different, but by this age this needs to be the goal. It will help your baby to move away from formula feeding to solids feeding, and reserve formula to an evening and/or morning bottle. If a meal is upcoming she can cry or be given a small solid snack. It’s not cruel to let them cry for a few minutes if there’s a meal upcoming, it’s important and healthy to teach them to eat on a schedule. Likewise sometimes the crying is not for food but for some other comfort!

So yes on that regards I think YABU. As for the laundry folding and bottles not clean, just tell your partner to get a grip.

Topofthemornintoya · 08/09/2023 07:23

Devilsmommy · 08/09/2023 01:26

A toddler

Show quote history

If your baby isn't toddling by then it's not.

Devilsmommy · 08/09/2023 07:41

Topofthemornintoya · 08/09/2023 07:23

If your baby isn't toddling by then it's not.

Show quote history

Actually from 12 months they are called toddlers whether walking or not

reallyunderstandsometimes · 08/09/2023 07:47

Can I just add... "he stops to fold the laundry" I know we shouldn't reward men for doing basic stuff but if he's fairly happy to be the supporting partner I would say going back to your question I would let him do it his way.

As another poster said is the baby is screaming instantaneously then may not be doing any harm to make the baby wait a little while, rather than be on demand fed.

PansyP · 08/09/2023 13:05

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:48

She eats solids too... She is weaning...
You have to make formula fresh at a high temperature, and she can't drink it while its scalding hot, it has to cool hence being ready to drink.

Funnily enough OP we all know how to make a bottle of formula...

I think this is a case of your DP being too lax and you being way too stressy.

Find a way of cooling the formula quickly. We used to put the powder in with a small amount of boiling water to kill any germs and then add up to the correct volume of liquid with cooled boiled water which we kept in fridge

luckylavender · 08/09/2023 13:08

Cowlover89 · 07/09/2023 19:43

Your baby doesn't need formula anymore

This

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/09/2023 13:54

Nat6999 · 07/09/2023 23:57

Buy the big bottles of ready made formula, 10 seconds to fill a bottle, they can drink it cold in warmer weather.

Rare to get ready made cmpa milk

Dolores87 · 08/09/2023 14:13

I don't think you need to have formula ready made. I never did. I just made it up at bottle time.

Hibiscrubbed · 08/09/2023 16:00

Devilsmommy · 08/09/2023 07:41

Actually from 12 months they are called toddlers whether walking or not

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By whom? The National Bureau of Child Era Naming?

Devilsmommy · 08/09/2023 16:05

Hibiscrubbed · 08/09/2023 16:00

By whom? The National Bureau of Child Era Naming?

Show quote history

NHS actually 🤨

Lelophants · 08/09/2023 16:17

Does it matter? A one year old is very young. It’s not like one day before their 1st birthday they can be a baby and suddenly they can’t be anymore once they then one.

Babies develop at very different rates. Some children walk at 9 months, others 16 months. Same with talking and what about when they’re teenagers?

I’m sick of people constantly trying to shame this mum. It’s so petty!

Regardless of all of these comments, it upsets me that the partner doesn’t care that the one year old is screaming with hunger. I hope you get this sorted op.

Lelophants · 08/09/2023 16:18

Exactly! This is really weird! Almost stubbornness on his sake and real lack of empathy.

BiscuitLover3678 · 08/09/2023 16:20

Children are different and this can (and should) be a slow transition. The issue is not the milk, but the way the partner responds to his distressed child.

DiddlyDonut · 08/09/2023 16:30

YANBU

this LO gets so angry and impatient waiting for their bottle, I always make them up ahead of time, then warm up before needed as baby starts to get hungry.

It is stressful having no clean bottles and more so all dirty bottles and none made up.

It sounds like you're taking on the mental load of telling your partner how to look after his child as he's incapable of thinking this much into their needs.

newwings · 08/09/2023 17:44

To answer your actual questions and to not get side tracked about formula.

Yes DH is in the wrong brief him up and tell him to stop being slack and fucking up for feed times!! It's not hard! Pre measured powder in pouring pots, pre boiled cool sterile water, top with hot from a flask! Takes seconds.

Or just do it yourself.

CantFindMyMarbles · 08/09/2023 18:12

It’s ok for baby’s to wait a short while whilst the milk is being made. You’re sounding very controlling and demeaning .
If you’re breast feeding you can’t always whip them out and conveniently BF comfortably…equally you can’t always have milk ready.

Teder · 08/09/2023 18:51

Okayyyyyyy ignoring the ridiculous toddler / baby debate. She is 1 year old and hardly a talking, running almost 3 year old. 😂 Anyway, if she will be on formula longer than other babies (!) then you might be well placed to buy a perfect prep machine.

Btw if she is having additional milk, it’ll fill her up and she won’t want to eat so it can lead to a circular loop. Definitely consider a chat with the health visitor and/or the allergy clinic when your appt finally comes through.

Cookie888 · 08/09/2023 19:02

Not really sure why at 1yr you would still be using formula there are no added benefits to it it’s just marketing. First off you’re making work for yourself and creating expense but other than that why do bottles need to be made ahead of time? A child at 1 can wait they aren’t going to starve. Also with formula your not encouraged to make them in advance anyway