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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
Lorieandrews · 07/09/2023 21:00

when mine were an actual baby though I was told it was dangerous to pre make it? Is that not the case anymore?

SemperIdem · 07/09/2023 21:01

I voted YABU but actually, should have read all your posts because your circumstances are a bit different to the standard allergy free baby ones so actually YANBU.

I have a friend whose child has an allergy and the dad was/is similar to your partner in attitude. It has caused a lot of arguments over the years between them.

Lorieandrews · 07/09/2023 21:01

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:48

She eats solids too... She is weaning...
You have to make formula fresh at a high temperature, and she can't drink it while its scalding hot, it has to cool hence being ready to drink.

But doesn’t that scald the formula?

things surely have changed
i wasn’t allowed to make mine with boiling hot water did I miss the boat on that too?

ShowOfHands · 07/09/2023 21:03

Instructions for those querying it.

To think baby should always have formula ready
MaryShelley1818 · 07/09/2023 21:04

You have a 1-yr old toddler.
If my toddler was hungry I'd give them some veg sticks and a sandwich/wrap.
Milk in a cup before bed.
Definitely should not be drinking out of a baby bottle anymore. And doesn't need formula regularly (or at all).

FontSnob · 07/09/2023 21:05

The overwhelming replies seem to be that yabu. I’m guessing that you dont i tend to show your DH the full thread 🤣

Pressthespacebar · 07/09/2023 21:07

By one they can have full fat cows milk. Should be off a bottle by then but it’s harder to get some off than others.

surely by that age they’re just having it first and last thing and the days of screaming while waiting for it to cool down are long gone!?

Lorieandrews · 07/09/2023 21:07

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 20:36

Lolz nope. This baby isn't the same as your three babies. I hear there's quite a range! ;)

A couple if interesting themes in these comments are that no-one else's 1 year old gets so worked up when hungry and/or that other parents are ok to let them cry for 5 mins when hungry.

I know they have to learn to wait I just thought that this was a bit young for that... So interesting to see the variation.

Thanks for all the well meaning and thoughtful comments. I DO think 1 year old is still a baby 😂

I certainly don’t think she’s too young to be made to wait

if her hunger cues are so mixed up you’re going to have to do it regardless and I think she’d be perfectly ok to do so

Pallisers · 07/09/2023 21:11

OP, if you still need to give her formula because of her allergies, I don't think you need to do the whole scalding/boiling water thing. That level of sterilization is for small babies. After about 6 months, I made up formula with water from the cold tap (that said, we live in an area with very high quality drinking water).

She should also probably be moving to drinking all her liquids from a cup rather than a bottle (I did find that hard though - 1 seemed very young to be without a bottle).

LargestSugarSmacks · 07/09/2023 21:11

Keep cool sterile water in fridge? Boil kettle, add measured hot water to powder, top with cooled measured water. Formula ready to drink in the same time it would take to heat one from the fridge up.

I never understood a perfect prep when it's just as quick to make it this way.

wherethedevildontgo · 07/09/2023 21:13

As the current advice is to make up formula fresh and feed immediately I don't think your OP was very clear.

I store bottles in the fridge too but from reading your OP it makes it sound like you want a fresh feed made frequently and discarded if not used like you would do with a newborn so I think most people are replying based on that assumption.

From your update I agree with you. He's unnecessarily upsetting your child. Whether or not other people's 1 year olds are able to wait for a bottle is irrelevant.

SaladBarNanny · 07/09/2023 21:13

Pressthespacebar · 07/09/2023 21:07

By one they can have full fat cows milk. Should be off a bottle by then but it’s harder to get some off than others.

surely by that age they’re just having it first and last thing and the days of screaming while waiting for it to cool down are long gone!?

Yeah. Full fat cows' milk is ideal for people with dairy allergies. If you're not interested enough to read the thread, why bother contributing?

Riverbananacarrot · 07/09/2023 21:15

Have you tried the perfect prep machine? Might be too late in the game now but they are a godsend bottles made up in minutes to perfect temp. And you use any formula so you can use your prescription one.
Also I think have a chat with your partner and getting into a routine with cleaning and sterilising the bootles (if you still are sterilising) so have say 4 bottles in rotation. Once one is used wash ,dry sterilise and put away. Then end of every day make up the next days bottles in the fridge.

Getting into a routine will help massively.

Also you can get premade cartons of soya / oat growing up milk boots sell them I used for my daughter when she had a suspected cows milk allergy and needed something for midnight feeds

AnnaKorine · 07/09/2023 21:15

Going against the grain I don’t think YABU. If you formula feed your baby and she is used to still having bottles why would you not just have clean bottles and formula ready to go? I don’t understand why you would choose to be so disorganized that you would have the child screaming whilst you dick about cleaning the bottles and preparing formula. You have to do it anyway so just do it upfront so it’s easier for everyone. I’m a big fan of efficiency, his behaviour would wind me up too.

Mum2jenny · 07/09/2023 21:15

Have you considered mixing your baby formula milk with equal parts oat milk. This would cool the temperature down immediately and help transition your little one to a non dairy milk

LargestSugarSmacks · 07/09/2023 21:16

Pallisers · 07/09/2023 21:11

OP, if you still need to give her formula because of her allergies, I don't think you need to do the whole scalding/boiling water thing. That level of sterilization is for small babies. After about 6 months, I made up formula with water from the cold tap (that said, we live in an area with very high quality drinking water).

She should also probably be moving to drinking all her liquids from a cup rather than a bottle (I did find that hard though - 1 seemed very young to be without a bottle).

The scalding is not to sterilise, it's due to the very small risk of botulism in the powder. It should be scalded at any age - I didn't bother to sterilise the bottle when they were older but always added hot water first

londonrach · 07/09/2023 21:17

I always made it fresh but at one your toddler doesn't need formula now.

Bouncyball23 · 07/09/2023 21:17

Child's going to be obese if your giving formula every 3 hours plus main meals that she should be eating!!

AnIndianWoman · 07/09/2023 21:19

My DN had a severe milk allergy. Pediatrician advised my sister to feed her plant based milk (oatly) and calcium rich food (tofu was a big thing). Formula isn’t recommended any more because the vitamins etc aren’t enough for an over 6 month old. You should return to the doctors and get proper advise now she’s a toddler else you could stunt her growth

Original poster
Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 21:21

FontSnob · 07/09/2023 21:05

The overwhelming replies seem to be that yabu. I’m guessing that you dont i tend to show your DH the full thread 🤣

There's so much nonsense on here the numbers are pretty pointless, however the funny thing is my partner hates mumsnet!

What has been helpful is getting a sense of what other 1 year olds reactions are to hunger. Nursery seem to think she's quite normal... But safe to say there's a lot of variation.

It's also interesting seeing people's responses to bits of info and what they have read or understood.

Our baby is the most chilled happy baby... People comment on it all the time! So maybe her big tears when she is hungry are really stand out to us... because she hardly complains otherwise.

Thanks again to all the grown ups on the thread, I really appreciate your feedback.

OP posts:
Timmytap18 · 07/09/2023 21:24

My baby is 15 months and if I tried to give her formula instead of food she would not be happy 🤣.

They're of course all different but how much formula is she having that this is such an issue?

Pressthespacebar · 07/09/2023 21:26

@SaladBarNanny the dairy free equivalent of full fat cows milk then?

Either way, a one year old should be eating enough and in enough of a routine to not be screaming for bottles of milk like a newborn baby.

AnnaKorine · 07/09/2023 21:27

I can totally relate to this, my DD was the same. Never moaned or cried until she got hungry then all hell broke loose. There was a limited window and there was no point in missing it. There is plenty of time to teach a child they need to wait, I think some posters forget how young one year old is. My children are much older now but still get hangry.

Yellowlegobrick · 07/09/2023 21:27

Surely you just chuck them crackers or a banana at that age

muchalover · 07/09/2023 21:27

"Formula should be made fresh" 🫤

I have 4 kids, ALL feeds were made the night before and kept in the fridge to be topped up with carefully calculated amounts of boiling water to a reasonable temperature as tiny babies. But, I moved them to cold feeds by 6 months.

None waited. How would you like to be starving hungry and not understand time and be 100% dependent on someone else for food? Babies don't know the difference between 5 mins or 5 hours or if they will ever be fed again.

It's cruel.