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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
Clefable · 07/09/2023 19:50

DD2 is 14mo and milk is just a drink she has with meals or snacks sometimes now (and a breastfeed at bed still). If she's hungry then I give her food, she's been eating proper meals for months!

cocunut · 07/09/2023 19:50

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:48

She eats solids too... She is weaning...
You have to make formula fresh at a high temperature, and she can't drink it while its scalding hot, it has to cool hence being ready to drink.

Hence why you should get a prep machine

lovelands · 07/09/2023 19:52

The tommee tippee machine would help? Then no rush....

LeafHunter · 07/09/2023 19:52

Get a perfect prep or make it with a hot shot?

Trickytimer · 07/09/2023 19:53

buzzlightyearsgloves · 07/09/2023 19:49

A one year old isn't a baby

What is it then if not a baby?

Bunnyhair · 07/09/2023 19:54

When kids are very young you’ve just got to be pragmatic sometimes. I get it’s irritating when the baby is crying and your partner hasn’t done things the way you’d have done them. You’re tired and it’s a lot.

But honestly, just get some back-up bottles of pre-made formula (or cow’s milk, whatever) if this really winds you up, rather than endlessly battling your DP who presumably isn’t doing this on purpose. We all have things we fuck up / can’t get into a routine of doing very easily. Particularly when we’re sleep deprived and life has changed a lot in the space of a year.

Overthebow · 07/09/2023 19:54

Surely at 1 she has proper meals and snacks rather than formula when she’s hungry? At 1 most of their nutrition comes from actual food.

Goldbar · 07/09/2023 19:54

I'd agree for a tiny baby, but can't she just have a sip of water or something to chew on in the meantime if she's that desperate? I give my baby a bit of cucumber or tomato or some toast if there's a wait for food/milk.

GlitchStitch · 07/09/2023 19:55

If she's on solids why can't she just have a little snack so she's not screaming hungry while the formula is made? Or have a few ready made formula cartons available in the cupboard just in case.

Clefable · 07/09/2023 19:55

NHS classes 1-3 as toddler! Although I still think of my little DD2 as a baby (even though she's been walking for months!)

Smittenkitchen · 07/09/2023 19:55

Don't think it would be worth getting a perfect prep machine when DC is already 1 years old.. They might not be planning to have any more kids.
OP you'll be horrified to learn that I don't heat formula for my DC at all. I make the formula up with bottled water, no boiling or heating anything. Nowhere on the tub does it instruct me to heat anything.
You are sounding a bit PFB but I know it's difficult when OH doesn't do things as you would like.

HappierTimesAhead · 07/09/2023 19:55

I was going to suggest ready made formula. I know it's more expensive but presumably she is having hardly any milk at one.

GreyCarpet · 07/09/2023 19:55

I'm also wondering why you wouldn't give a 1 year old food if they were hungry rather than formula.

A 1 year olds diet should consist mostly of solid food anyway.

Topofthemornintoya · 07/09/2023 19:56

buzzlightyearsgloves · 07/09/2023 19:49

A one year old isn't a baby

Aw come on, yes it is

ProfessorInkling · 07/09/2023 19:56

Can you have cartons on hand for when it gets a bit last minute?

i agree with you fwiw but doubt that will help.

NuffSaidSam · 07/09/2023 19:57

buzzlightyearsgloves · 07/09/2023 19:49

A one year old isn't a baby

Of course they are!

cocunut · 07/09/2023 19:57

Smittenkitchen · 07/09/2023 19:55

Don't think it would be worth getting a perfect prep machine when DC is already 1 years old.. They might not be planning to have any more kids.
OP you'll be horrified to learn that I don't heat formula for my DC at all. I make the formula up with bottled water, no boiling or heating anything. Nowhere on the tub does it instruct me to heat anything.
You are sounding a bit PFB but I know it's difficult when OH doesn't do things as you would like.

OP has said her DC has a milk allergy though and if they're going to be on the special pepti-something formula for a while then tbh I think it's so so worth it.
Many babies and toddlers are still on milk until age three! I just think the perfect prep is so worth it 😂

PinkRoses1245 · 07/09/2023 19:57

YABU. 1 YO doesn’t need formula, and should be eating enough balanced meals that they’re not needing to scream for milk.

PinkRoses1245 · 07/09/2023 19:58

the fact you have counted the occasions is telling. He’s just as much as a parent as you - you need to trust him

Lilolilibet · 07/09/2023 19:59

But you can't always have one ready to drink unless you're letting it sit for too long. Yes it's good to anticipate and have ready but how long has this bottle been sitting?

I thought you were describing a situation for a baby of a few months. You can relax now.

Original poster
Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:59

This baby screams when she is hungry and quickly gets so worked up she then can't feed and pushes the bottle away and so the screaming continues for 10-15 mins.

She will eat solids but if you let her get too hungry she gets upset and won't. Everyone else professional we have spoken to about it just seem to agree.

She had a serious dairy allergy after she was born and was really ill, hospitalised with it and paediatricians said she had to feed certain amounts every 3 hours even if she didn't seem to want it. We think this might have affected her hunger cues (one of the many professionals we saw at the time said it might).

This thread is fascinating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 20:00

Formula lasts 24 hours in the fridge. We have only ever made them up in advance.

OP posts:
Smittenkitchen · 07/09/2023 20:00

cocunut · 07/09/2023 19:57

OP has said her DC has a milk allergy though and if they're going to be on the special pepti-something formula for a while then tbh I think it's so so worth it.
Many babies and toddlers are still on milk until age three! I just think the perfect prep is so worth it 😂

Show quote history

Hmm yes, good point, maybe the allergy changes things. It would probably be worth it if her drs recommend staying on formula for another year or so.

NuffSaidSam · 07/09/2023 20:00

Smittenkitchen · 07/09/2023 19:55

Don't think it would be worth getting a perfect prep machine when DC is already 1 years old.. They might not be planning to have any more kids.
OP you'll be horrified to learn that I don't heat formula for my DC at all. I make the formula up with bottled water, no boiling or heating anything. Nowhere on the tub does it instruct me to heat anything.
You are sounding a bit PFB but I know it's difficult when OH doesn't do things as you would like.

You shouldn't make formula with bottled water.

The heat is needed to kill bacteria in the milk. I'd re-read the packet!

Scirocco · 07/09/2023 20:00

At 1, she may well be ready for water, or oat/alternative milk, or a snack like cucumber sticks.

She doesn't automatically need formula every time and it won't hurt her to start learning about waiting. It's also not great to leave formula lying around made up - it should be made up fresh ideally. You could try a RapidCool or similar if you really need to?