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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:

Lorieandrews · 08/09/2023 19:07

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 07/09/2023 21:31

I understand the screaming until they don’t eat part. My dd is 5 months and if I don’t have a bottle instantly ready she’s starts getting really upset and then she won’t take it. I have to rock her a bit to calm her before she’ll agree to feed. She was on prescription formula too for the first 3 months. I can’t wean her yet as we’ve been advised to hold off another few months.

And to answer a breastfeeding comment on this thread, not everyone can breastfeed. Take giving birth 3 months early to a baby which doesn’t have a feeding reflex, is then put on donor milk through a tube whilst the mum struggles to get milk going. Multiple infections, breast surgery, stress, early birth and other complications made no chance for breast feeding. Unfortunately it doesn’t work for everyone no matter how desperate you are to feed your baby.

Edit to add: health visitor was fine with us premaking and keeping in fridge for 24 hours as long as we only reheated it once she said. Nurses also were happy with this.

Edited

You don’t need to justify your reasons

i myself nearly died and spent a year (4months in ICU) and the rest of the time recovering multi organ failure after giving birth. I didn’t even see my child much before I collapsed. Let alone breast feeding on top if that. I wasn’t conscious anyway but my little one had donor milk and I shout it from the rooftops!!!!

Lorieandrews · 08/09/2023 19:14

SullysTail · 07/09/2023 22:07

Op does she still have set milk times? Like morning bottle, afternoon bottle and bedtime bottle? If so could you start weaning her to a cup of non dairy "milk" for her afternoon drink and make up her morning bottle when you get up and evening bottle when you're making your tea (for instance) to avoid her having the meltdowns?

You're right I don't think you can get allergy milk pre made so that's not an option but I think it's making you more anxious than you need to be.

At 1 she should be having more solids than milk, so maybe work on filling out her diet with food rather than stressing about her having to have milk on demand still.

I know you said she was under a consultant for her dairy allergy but unless there's other issues at play I think you should trust yourself to increase her solids in a safe way. Leave the milk ladder for now, she doesn't need dairy and there are so many alternatives now.

I think you've had a hard time here and I can understand you're anxious given her previous problems.

You can

my Lo was a milk allergy and had ready made bottles. It was such a fight the neo natal nurse had to physically walk there to get them to prescribe it!!!they were £4.50 a bottle though and they had 8 a dsy

hence why they don’t like to prescribe it.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2023 19:42

So this guy is obviously badly organized. I would be looking at solutions and expecting him to pick one as he clearly can't think of his own.

I don't think you're precious- it's awful hearing your baby crying with hunger just because the adult career is disorganized. It's awful that it's on your mental load and you can't just trust him to do it so you can study. This must really impact your concentration.

Can he set an alarm on phone through an app like huckleberry which will remind him when to do it?

Can HE (from his personal money) stock up on some ready made liquid formula bottles so when he's forgotten to pre prep he has that ready?

That's what I would do if it were me (I'm pretty disorganized myself so if I'm trying to do a few things at once I do use reminders like this and have back up options)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2023 19:48

Another half solution- he buys more bottles so you have two days worth so if he doesn't clean them in time there will still be some to use

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2023 19:58

I have misophonia/ hyperacusis, and babies crying really set it off. It’s anything at all squeaky for me, but a baby crying is like knives and I physically wince if I have to hear it (makes me sound like a screaming at Sistene Chapel type, which I can assure you I’m not!). It’s just involuntary.

Do you have this?

Unfortunately exh used this to have me run ragged as he could easily ignore babies crying for as long as it took for me to get up first…

MirabelMadrigal · 08/09/2023 20:07

Hi OP, my son has a milk allergy too. Drs have just taken him off his prescribed formula. Have you tried your baby on oat or soya milk? These have worked for my son

Dreamhols · 08/09/2023 20:29

cocunut · 07/09/2023 19:48

Get a prep machine OP. Takes literally 30 seconds to make a bottle.,.

Please don’t get a prep machine. Nhs recommends against these due to the temperature of the hot shot and the fact that they can harbour bacteria

Dreamhols · 08/09/2023 20:30

MirabelMadrigal · 08/09/2023 20:07

Hi OP, my son has a milk allergy too. Drs have just taken him off his prescribed formula. Have you tried your baby on oat or soya milk? These have worked for my son

Why are you advising to go against medical advice, 60% of kids with cmpa have a soy allergy. For a lot of allergies the guidance is hypoallergenic formula til the child is 2

celticprincess · 08/09/2023 20:54

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:48

She eats solids too... She is weaning...
You have to make formula fresh at a high temperature, and she can't drink it while its scalding hot, it has to cool hence being ready to drink.

You’re kind of contradicting yourself here. It needs to be made fresh. Not made in advance and left at room temperature for ages potentially going off!! You can make it fresh then cool it down fairly quickly in a bucket of ice or by running it under the cold tap. That’s what we used to do. We were also in prescribed milk at that age but if she was crying due to hunger I’d give her something to eat whilst sorting a bottle if it was around the usual time for one, or give her some water to drink if it was just thirst. The only times we needed just the milk at the age of 1 was first thing in a morning or last last thing at night. Other times conks be flexible. Some friends followed the older advice and made all the bottles first thing and left them in the fridge all day to heat up when needed. This again wouldn’t be the immediate drink you’re expecting to be given . I usually had the little pots of formula measured out ready and a flask of boiling water ready to mix and cool.

celticprincess · 08/09/2023 20:56

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2023 19:42

So this guy is obviously badly organized. I would be looking at solutions and expecting him to pick one as he clearly can't think of his own.

Can he set an alarm on phone through an app like huckleberry which will remind him when to do it?

Can HE (from his personal money) stock up on some ready made liquid formula bottles so when he's forgotten to pre prep he has that ready?

That's what I would do if it were me (I'm pretty disorganized myself so if I'm trying to do a few things at once I do use reminders like this and have back up options)

You can’t buy pre made prescription milk - or at least you couldn’t when we used it. Powder only.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 08/09/2023 21:02

@Lorieandrews

Thank god for donor milk yes? Hope you and baby are ok now x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2023 21:02

@celticprincess yeah but it can be left for up to two hours so they probably usually aim to make it about 40 mins before baby is due a feed so it's drinkable before the screaming hunger sets in. I remember when my baby was little and I was warming up expressed milk even a few mins of hungry crying is unbearable - not the kind of noise you can study through! And not having clean bottles either - total disorganization BUT I empathize as I'm disorganized too but I use apps to remind myself

celticprincess · 08/09/2023 21:05

Have you been referred to a dietician? Ours has me cooking things like rice pudding and making jelly with the formula. However the Nutramigen absolutely stinks when cooked in the oven for a rice pudding!! Awful. We did find making up jelly by using half boiling formula and half water I think and allowing to set in the fridge meant some instant snacks that constrained the milk. We also got moved over to neocate to help with the weaning and cooking with it. It also smelt awful (it actually smelt of sperm but that might be just me). It was hard going with the milk allergy and we are lucky both mine with allergies are now drinking and eating dairy and are teen and pre teen.

KateKateLee · 08/09/2023 21:22

Formula only lasts 2 hours after being made up. Sounds like you’d be throwing a lot away to me. Unless you are using the cartons.

Simone91x · 08/09/2023 21:32

You’re getting at people for saying baby should be off formula by age 1 yet you call your baby “this baby” wow! Speak to him/her and calm them down and explain to them a bottle is being made. Although they can’t talk they know so much more than we think.

I apologise for being rude and biting but had to say how I feel. Clearly you are a loving and thoughtful mum otherwise you wouldn’t be asking x

restingbitchface30 · 08/09/2023 22:41

My 1 year old twins don’t cry for a bottle anymore, they haven’t for a while as they are on 3 meals. They don’t have regular bottle times. It is when they wake up, before nap and at bedtime but these times can vary.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 09/09/2023 00:42

You can just use a dash of boiling water to dissolve powder and warm then top up with tap water. You don’t need the whole bottle at boiling temp then wait for it to cook at 12 moths.
Buy some oat or rice milk and serve it straight or give her some food and a drink of water.

bluejumping · 09/09/2023 07:44

You have to be organised with clean bottles and have some distilled water ready

but you don’t need to make it up in advance

Newmumatlast · 09/09/2023 07:51

I don't think you ever need formula immediately ready incase a baby is hungry. You can prepare it quick enough. Clean bottles ready though, must. He needs to pull his weight with that.

Its a bit different with your situation in that your baby is actually over 1 so I wouldnt class a child that age the same as a young baby. They have much better comprehension and ability to wait while you quickly clean a bottle especially when they are eating solids too. They can be given some fruit while they wait or a biscuit for example.

If you're worried about it being too hot a perfect prep machine is a great option

FlipFlop1987 · 09/09/2023 09:53

There’s a huge range with saying age 1 as 12 months non-walking is still a baby but 22 month old who can walk, talk and run isn’t, yet they are both still 1. OP how many months is your daughter?

Your initial post was a bit drip feed as no one knew about the allergy. Also at one point you said it takes time to boil kettle then allow the milk to cool but then in another post you said it was pre-made in the fridge so in fact needed bringing up to temp not cooling down.

Either way I agree with most posters that at that age, if she gets whingey waiting then I used to pick her up, show her it being made and then we’d have a song or watch a short video on my phone with a biscuit and it would be ready before she knew it. The routine and the distraction, she soon learnt food/drink was coming

Mogwais · 09/09/2023 09:57

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:46

She can't yet, she has a serious allergy to it. Allergy team say 'no'.

My daughter has cmpa, which I guessing is what your little one has, I always make sure she has 2 x bottles of cooled boiled water ready at all times, as mine is on nutramigen. So as a mum whose had 3 kids with cmpa, I totally agree with you, there always needs to be formula ready, it gets easier as they get older & you can then move onto the dairy alternatives x

aSofaNearYou · 09/09/2023 10:19

OP why did you start a thread on something you must be aware children do not normally do at that age, without mentioning the reason yours does, and then get shirty with people for pointing out the obvious which is that 1 year old's don't need formula? It's almost like you were deliberately goading...

Regardless, I think you are taking this a bit too seriously. It's good to be prepared and makes things run more smoothly but "my baby should never have to wait to formula" is a bit overzealous, she will be fine.

Can you buy the pre-made formula for moments where you are caught short? That's what we did.

MarvellousMonsters · 09/09/2023 17:55

Baby formula should be made up as and when you need it, not made in advance and stored.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/making-up-baby-formula/

However, it actually sounds like your partner is using a kind of weaponised incompetence to manipulate you into doing it instead of him.

pollymere · 11/09/2023 00:11

I get why your baby has special nutritional milk supplement. I don't understand why it's still in sterilised bottles though - or am I missing something about the formula making process. Made up cold in the fridge should be fine? Mine had a regular cup from about nine months and mostly water but was still on two breastfeeds a day by then. We'd mostly replaced mealtimes with regular food other than the odd jar.

Could they not just have some regular dairy free milk such as rice milk?

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