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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
Original poster
Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 20:41

Paediatric team at the children's hospital were ok with keeping it made up in the fridge. When my partner and I make it we always make up 12 hours approx worth of feeds.

OP posts:
Freepo · 07/09/2023 20:41

Cuntiest reply of the day

Ponoka7 · 07/09/2023 20:41

If there are medical issues babies can be left on formula longer and it contains everything needed for development. I used to keep boiled water in the fridge in sterilised bottles, then make up the powder with newly boiled. It's always instant then. Him not thinking ahead to have clean bottles is a concern. It's like the children needing a main meal and no plans/plates etc aren't available. That lack of planning is going to get worse unless he gets his head around that young children need their needs planning for, in advance.

PippinStar · 07/09/2023 20:42

Both of mine were on Puramino and / or Neocate until age 2. I did try to make it in advance, but often we were busy or whatever and it just didn’t happen. No stress though at age 1 … I’d either give some Oatly Barista for that one feed - as it’s no big deal if not every single bottle isn’t puramino - or I’d make one up with boiled, cooled water or a bit of boiling topped up with cool.

roastytoastysnowballs · 07/09/2023 20:42

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Freepo · 07/09/2023 20:42

@Checkcheck12 if you're so concerned about your child's well-being.. why isn't it breastfed?

sorry. Meant to quote this. Awful awful comment on a number of levels.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 07/09/2023 20:42

give them a banana

Clumsykitten · 07/09/2023 20:42

There are loads of alternatives - fortified oat milk (make sure to get certified gluten free like pure oaty from glebe farm, if I correctly interpreted your comment about wheat), and alpro almond both good.

Personally I think your standards are too high, and you should be more focussed on weaning. But your partner’s standards sound too low if he doesn’t care how upset she gets or if she waits a long time whilst he does other jobs.

Winnipeggy · 07/09/2023 20:42

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Guiltridden12345 · 07/09/2023 20:43

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So be kind about it? Don’t you remember those days? I do. It can feel utterly overwhelming. Don’t bash someone with breastfeeding is better nonsense when you have no idea about her breastfeeding experience.

Gowlett · 07/09/2023 20:46

I get your point, OP. It’s more about your fella being an idiot than your baby’s needs (a one year old is a baby).

My DH was the same. Asked why we had to do things “your way” when it came to cleaning bottles, etc… Dickhead.

ThisMama1 · 07/09/2023 20:46

My boy had a very severe milk protein allergy, even was even allergic to my breast milk even when I removed all dairy from my own diet. However we were not advised to continue bottle feeding to the extent it seems you are. We used a bottle as a supplement & moved him into solids with BLW & avoided dairy until we started the ladder. At age 1 he was only having a bottle at bedtime & as he has severe autism & barely slept at all he also had a bottle in the night to help try & settle him back off to sleep. We didn’t have bottles ready made at all times. We just made sure a bottle was ready to fit into our routine so had one ready for bedtime for example. When he was hungry during the day then it was snacks or meals. My boy is 10 now & even when he was tiny we were advised not to make up bottles & store them/warm up as advice had changed since my first child, plus especially with their digestive issues we were told this can make things even worse for them. I’d definitely get onto your team & get support with moving on with the weaning process & the ladder

MyShmoo · 07/09/2023 20:46

Not sure if it's been mentioned BUT my cmpa13 month old is on nutramigen 1 formula (slowly weaning into oat milk but it's a tough journey) and I read that you make your bottles with boiling water?
I'd re-read the tub because I'm SURE with this formula you can't use boiling water as the heat kills the GOOD bacteria (so different from traditional formula instructions)
Me and DH boil the kettle, let it cool in the kettle (or poured into bottles) and then just scoop in the formula and shake whenever DC needs a bottle. Nicer than having icey cold bottles from the fridge as it's just room temperature.

HappierTimesAhead · 07/09/2023 20:47

Yes, some of us are quick to give opinions because....err, it's kind of the point of the site. Plus OP did not give the info about allergies from the start (no issue with that btw, she just didn't) so we offered opinions based on the general guidance which is to move onto cows milk or continue with breastmilk from one.

Lste23 · 07/09/2023 20:48

Quite a few perfect mums on here!!!

some mums don’t have breasts due to the C word so it’s best you keep your rude comments to yourself or go twiddle your nips on those perfect boobs you luckily
could use to breastfeed . !

Iammetoday · 07/09/2023 20:49

A one year old isn't a baby, a tiny baby yes try to be ready but a 1 year old toddler who eats solids I wouldn't even be giving formula! No bottles after 1 either

faban · 07/09/2023 20:50

If she has a milk allergy surely youll be introductory other milks as she can't be on formula forever? Oat, soya? And then you can just heat it up in the microwave but she shouldn't be having loads at this age anyway as food should be the main source of nutrition now

TheKeatingFive · 07/09/2023 20:50

Christ, she's 1. Give her something else and quit the dramatics

faban · 07/09/2023 20:50

Introducing* and it's much easier to get a snack than to faff around with bottles etc. maybe that will help?

TheBarbieEffect · 07/09/2023 20:50

Gowlett · 07/09/2023 20:46

I get your point, OP. It’s more about your fella being an idiot than your baby’s needs (a one year old is a baby).

My DH was the same. Asked why we had to do things “your way” when it came to cleaning bottles, etc… Dickhead.

Why does he have to do things your way? Confused He should be able to find his own way.

pontipinemum · 07/09/2023 20:51

My son is 13 months 1 is IMO a baby 😊

If you want to keep giving her formula do. I've just weaned DS from breast to cows milk and give it to him cold from the fridge. But I DH used to give him some formula sometimes if I was tired. We used to keep cold boiled water in the fridge, make up the bottle with the boiling water and top it up with the cold water. Would that be an option for you?

But sorry to say you do sound like you are over reacting a bit.

monsteramunch · 07/09/2023 20:54

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I hope you're really embarrassed about how much of a dick you sound when you read that back.

trampoline123 · 07/09/2023 20:56

Can baby not have dairy free milk with added vits and mins?

We used a perfect prep with our first then the 2nd one I just made them up in the morning for the day and kept them in the fridge.

In answer to your Q, I don't think your standards are too high but it's unreasonable for you to expect your DP to have the same. Unfortunately you do sometimes have to bite your lip. Do you speak to him like he's dumb? Maybe if you explained why you feel like you do he may see your point better.

Lorieandrews · 07/09/2023 20:58

Oh my gosh!

a 1yr old can easily wait for a bottle to be made up.

MeridaBrave · 07/09/2023 20:58

Possibly at 6 weeks it’s an idea to have formula ready. My DC only had from 6 months and yes I mostly had it ready.

But at a year? sorry that’s totally unreasonable to insist. Was told by a year to cut back on milk to twice a day by that point morning and evening, and can have regular milk. Even if it’s formula, it’s not every 3 hours and they can wait.. Re: the hot water thing, even if you make with very hot water can cook it within 5 mins in a jug of cold quicker still if mix it up with half hot water and then add cold esp as a one year old doesn’t need boiled water.