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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
BellaTheDarkOverlord · 07/09/2023 21:31

I understand the screaming until they don’t eat part. My dd is 5 months and if I don’t have a bottle instantly ready she’s starts getting really upset and then she won’t take it. I have to rock her a bit to calm her before she’ll agree to feed. She was on prescription formula too for the first 3 months. I can’t wean her yet as we’ve been advised to hold off another few months.

And to answer a breastfeeding comment on this thread, not everyone can breastfeed. Take giving birth 3 months early to a baby which doesn’t have a feeding reflex, is then put on donor milk through a tube whilst the mum struggles to get milk going. Multiple infections, breast surgery, stress, early birth and other complications made no chance for breast feeding. Unfortunately it doesn’t work for everyone no matter how desperate you are to feed your baby.

Edit to add: health visitor was fine with us premaking and keeping in fridge for 24 hours as long as we only reheated it once she said. Nurses also were happy with this.

Laboriprofumi · 07/09/2023 21:32

Do this, pour boiling water to wet the formula which gets rid of bacteria. After it melts, top up with pre sterilised (boiled, cooled off, in the fridge) water. Voila, no need to wait so long. And baby crying 2 mins for this isn't a biggie. Make her eat more solids though so she can wait more..

Solsticesummer · 07/09/2023 21:33

Get a Tommy Tippee prep machine and formula will take two minutes until ready to drink. Maybe make it up just as you think your child will expect it, surely you have a bit of a general routine with mealtimes and know roughly when they will start getting hungry?

LittleOwl153 · 07/09/2023 21:34

Maybe to cut down on the stress of not having washed bottles you should buy a few more - I assume she can handle the cheap ones at 1... or try her on a cup or something else during the day. Anything to ease the pressure of small people on big people I think is worth it (parent of a refluxer who had vast quantities of small towels, vests and babygrows - and adult tshirts - to hand!)

Freepo · 07/09/2023 21:35

LargestSugarSmacks · 07/09/2023 21:11

Keep cool sterile water in fridge? Boil kettle, add measured hot water to powder, top with cooled measured water. Formula ready to drink in the same time it would take to heat one from the fridge up.

I never understood a perfect prep when it's just as quick to make it this way.

The perfect prep doesn’t use boiling water. Technically you aren’t meant to use boiling water but to boil and wait 20 minutes, the perfect prep replicates that. not that I’m being critical as I have no doubt what you’re doing is fine, but it’s not quite the same as a perfect prep.

User0224 · 07/09/2023 21:35

OP please don’t worry that you’re going to stunt your baby’s growth giving them formula for a few more months ! That’s what follow-on milk is for - it’s got increased levels of vitamins and minerals (like iron) compared to standard newborn formula, which are intended to match a one year old’s needs until they’re fully on meals.

People on MN think follow-on milk is just clever marketing for repackaged newborn formula - they clearly haven’t read the label.

D1nopawus · 07/09/2023 21:36

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 20:29

For folks talking about pre made cartons... Baby is on Nutramigen Puramino. I don't think there is a carton equivalent? If anyone knows of one I would be interested.

There are a gazillion dairy-free milks but they aren't good replacements for formula when she is drinking so much of it.

Do you have a good relationship with your HV? I wonder if you could discuss the whole regime?

There can be a bit of a chicken & egg situation with milk vs solid food. Too much milk will make DC less hungry.

Could DH give a biscuit/bread stick/carrot whilst making the bottle?

I'm old enough to remember the satisfaction of making a whole 24 hours worth of bottles, but it isn't recommended to make formula in advance anymore.

Anniessong · 07/09/2023 21:43

TheBarbieEffect · 07/09/2023 19:44

YABU. Your “baby” is one and doesn’t need formula anymore.

A one your old is still a baby. And many still have milk at that age

Takemeawayy · 07/09/2023 21:43

Hi OP. If baby can handle puramino then she can handle soya? In which case alpro soya growing up milk is a great alternative to switch to now she is 1. If she can’t handle soya then oat milk is great too as long as it’s fortified. Alpro growing up oat or oatly barista are the 2 recommended ones I believe. I would try to switch over if you can as it will make your life much easier and baby will likely prefer them as prescription milks are foul

DragonFly98 · 07/09/2023 21:44

buzzlightyearsgloves · 07/09/2023 19:49

A one year old isn't a baby

Yeah your right it's a teenager.

Bibbitybobbitty · 07/09/2023 21:52

Have looked after plenty of babies with severe allergies, they have always been changed over to non dairy milk (non formula) of choice - soya, oat etc as soon as they turned 1yr old as advised by allergy clinics. Is there a particular reason your baby needs to be on formula still?

poetryandwine · 07/09/2023 21:52

OP,

I am frustrated for you at all the useless answers on this thread.

We also dealt with a cow’s milk allergy after weaning that didn’t resolve until 30 mos. (We were advised to make the formula fresh each time but it was a while back).

It isn’t right that DP should be unresponsive to DD, or get distracted when caring for her. Not having clean bottles ready is also wrong.

She is the priority.

But isn’t there some pattern to her hunger? Can she be offered food at predictable times, to prevent the hunger crying? Can he make up a bottle when her hunger is just anticipated? In other words, can you suggest an alternative that doesn’t (seem to) force him to do it your way?

Good luck with your allergy consult. Your waiting time is appalling but sadly not unusual.

FontSnob · 07/09/2023 21:53

So, whats the point in asking if you’re being unreasonable if you’re only going to listen to one side? I get that the breastfeeding/change to milk/stop the formula comments are nonsense and not what you’re asking. But have you decided to stop giving DH a hard time about it?

CoalCraft · 07/09/2023 21:56

Off topic but in what universe is a 1 year old not a baby? My 13 month old doesn't toddle yet, so what should I be calling her, if not a baby?

Cowlover89 · 07/09/2023 21:57

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 21:21

There's so much nonsense on here the numbers are pretty pointless, however the funny thing is my partner hates mumsnet!

What has been helpful is getting a sense of what other 1 year olds reactions are to hunger. Nursery seem to think she's quite normal... But safe to say there's a lot of variation.

It's also interesting seeing people's responses to bits of info and what they have read or understood.

Our baby is the most chilled happy baby... People comment on it all the time! So maybe her big tears when she is hungry are really stand out to us... because she hardly complains otherwise.

Thanks again to all the grown ups on the thread, I really appreciate your feedback.

Show quote history

Well maybe if you stated that she has an allergy in the first place then we would of been more understanding 🤷‍♀️

Bibbitybobbitty · 07/09/2023 21:57

Re the screaming & getting so upset when not being fed/given milk immediately...perfectly normal at this stage, commonly known as being 'hangry'

VivaVivaa · 07/09/2023 21:58

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to be upset with your DH for being unresponsive. It’s not hard to be on top of washing and sterilising bottles is it? I do however think he’s right from a hygiene perspective. Formula should be made as it’s needed.

Assuming she is around the 12 month mark I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a baby with severe allergies to still rely on formula. You need to chase that appointment though - it would be so much easier and cheaper if she could have fortified non dairy milk from a cup.

I think you need to get your routine down a bit more and work on reading her cues though. I’m amazed a 1 year old gets to the point of hysterical, unable to eat and drink screaming because of hunger. This might have been asked but why wouldn’t a food based snack do? Keep the formula at predictable times.

Laboriprofumi · 07/09/2023 22:00

Oh yes and buy loads of bottles and keep them in the huge big steriliser. Hope you have space! Don't know what that 20 min thing is, got 3 kids through with boil + sterilesed cooled water, never had problems, super fast. Just needs some pre prepped inventory

Babyghirl · 07/09/2023 22:02

@Checkcheck12
I understand the cmpa, what formula is baby on, my LG os cmpa to.

Strokethefurrywall · 07/09/2023 22:02

Can you not just pre-make bottles and keep them in the fridge and then nuke in microwave for 30 seconds?

SullysTail · 07/09/2023 22:07

Op does she still have set milk times? Like morning bottle, afternoon bottle and bedtime bottle? If so could you start weaning her to a cup of non dairy "milk" for her afternoon drink and make up her morning bottle when you get up and evening bottle when you're making your tea (for instance) to avoid her having the meltdowns?

You're right I don't think you can get allergy milk pre made so that's not an option but I think it's making you more anxious than you need to be.

At 1 she should be having more solids than milk, so maybe work on filling out her diet with food rather than stressing about her having to have milk on demand still.

I know you said she was under a consultant for her dairy allergy but unless there's other issues at play I think you should trust yourself to increase her solids in a safe way. Leave the milk ladder for now, she doesn't need dairy and there are so many alternatives now.

I think you've had a hard time here and I can understand you're anxious given her previous problems.

SullysTail · 07/09/2023 22:09

CoalCraft · 07/09/2023 21:56

Off topic but in what universe is a 1 year old not a baby? My 13 month old doesn't toddle yet, so what should I be calling her, if not a baby?

Mine all walked at around 9 months, defo were still babies and not toddlers!

geip · 07/09/2023 22:11

@Checkcheck12 just get the ready made aptimal. Never have to get ready again. I never once made up a bottle of formula from scratch.

LargestSugarSmacks · 07/09/2023 22:13

The guidelines are to leave the kettle for not more than 20 mins @Freepo not that you can't use it from boiled. I didnt realise that a perfect prep is only around 70° I wouldn't be happy with that tbh

Bunnycat101 · 07/09/2023 22:14

OP- I’m sorry you’ve had so much crappy advice. Dealing with dairy intolerance or allergies in babies is horrible and there is dairy in it can be so hard until you’ve gone through the milk ladder. If it makes you feel better though I’ve had relatives in a similar position and the children manage dairy fine now they’re older but couldn’t handle it in infancy.

In terms of your original question, id try and up food/frequency of snacks as ideally they shouldn’t be waiting until they get hangry for a bottle or food. At that age mine were transitioning from 2 to 1 naps which also makes a difference. once they’re on one nap, it’s much easier to have a really solid routine based around breakfast, lunch, sleep; snack/milk dinner bed etc. Once a bit older, you will want to avoid them being hangry as that’s when tantrums seem to occur. So while I don’t think your husband should necessarily be having bottles ready just in case, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to work to a more established routine/time for milk etc.