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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
Rosejasmine · 07/09/2023 22:22

A one year old doesn’t need made up bottles of formula. A one year old needs proper food and a drink of milk (or fortified alternative to milk).
YABU.
Your husband is being reasonable. It’s actually not good for your baby to treat her like a 4 month old.

SemperIdem · 07/09/2023 22:24

Rosejasmine · 07/09/2023 22:22

A one year old doesn’t need made up bottles of formula. A one year old needs proper food and a drink of milk (or fortified alternative to milk).
YABU.
Your husband is being reasonable. It’s actually not good for your baby to treat her like a 4 month old.

You’ve made the same mistake I did, the op’s later updates make things more clear.

menopausalmare · 07/09/2023 22:30

We had cooled boiled water bottles ready and added powder and warmed when needed. Pre-made is more likely to contain bacteria (I believe) .

SisterJo · 07/09/2023 22:36

My initial reaction was that you are being unreasonable. But on reflection and reading
more of your posts, I think you’re not. Your specific child has specific needs and your OH is being lazy about meeting them. Not sure what the solution is, but YANBU

Rosejasmine · 07/09/2023 22:37

Ah yes I read the rest later. Stressful situation! My dd2 had a milk allergy, soy milk was given as a drink, but she was eating fine.

JANEY205 · 07/09/2023 22:47

At one she should be able to wait OP. It’s good she lets you know when she’s hungry but it shouldn’t be tears and crying and refusing to eat if she doesn’t immediately get the milk. If mine ever cried for milk they’d gobble it immediately, but by 1 they could be satiated with a rusk or banana and only had 2 bottles a day. Mine couldn’t have dairy either and we were still told too much formula or milk is bad as it can block iron absorption. Is she actually eating enough proper food?

FYI perfect prep machines have had multiple lawsuits and aren’t recommended. Worth a google if you’re interested!

Id be pissed off your partner isn’t responding when she’s hungry and is pausing to do other stuff but I wonder if she needs feeding therapy to move her on from the bottle reliance and avoidance.

Hibiscrubbed · 07/09/2023 22:53

So many posters have embarrassed themselves by falling all over themselves to be twats to the OP, they’ve spectacularly failed to read all of her posts.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 07/09/2023 22:54

You know your baby better than a bunch of strangers on the internet. Sit down with your DP and work out what's best for her. Sometimes the dads don't seem to have the urgency that mums do. I've had to listen to my neighbour's baby crying while he and his dad were in their garden and the dad didn't rush to get him, while it really pained me to hear him cry and I wanted to yell at the dad to get a move on! YANBU.

Saoirse82 · 07/09/2023 22:57

Trickytimer · 07/09/2023 19:53

What is it then if not a baby?

Show quote history

A toddler.

purplebluediscorain · 07/09/2023 23:00

you sound a bit odd… you can’t leave formula sitting there too long anyway it needs to be consumed in a short amount of time. You didn’t state that your child had an allergy in your original post. It is ridiculous though because surely you’ll be wasting formula and time.

I’m sure you can buy milks that aren’t formula but are suitable for an allergy as I say though my daughter didn’t and I went to cows milk at 1 years old. You sounded like a freak who just wanted to keep their child on formula that didn’t need to at 1 years old in your post.

you’re being unreasonable though that’s the answer to your question there is no need to have bottles made for every hour of every day. I also used to boil the water and then put the pots of formula in whenever she needed to and used a bit of hot water to warm it up I mean old ways and not recommended anymore but it’s certainly better than the microwave and we all survived including my 21 month old.

Blueink · 07/09/2023 23:01

I think there is a balance to be had here, you seem to be extreme opposites.

I would consider it unusual to make up formula in advance as you describe, but totally agree with needing to keep on top of things being clean and ready to go.

Can she drink out of a cup?

Are you advised to give her formula milk before her solid food?

That is different to standard feeding advice, where it would be given alongside or offered afterwards.

Does also have set meal times/cooked food?

DH stopping to fold laundry etc is unusual, he is not operating in a timely manner.

Does he have ADHD or what do you think these distractions and lapses in concentration are caused by? Does it happen with his work or in other aspects of home life?

Mamai90 · 07/09/2023 23:01

NuffSaidSam · 07/09/2023 20:00

You shouldn't make formula with bottled water.

The heat is needed to kill bacteria in the milk. I'd re-read the packet!

Show quote history

Bottled water isn't recommended for babies because of the sodium content (though there might be some baby friendly brands).

The formula isn't sterile either so not preparing it properly could make your child very ill. Especially if they are under 6 months

NuffSaidSam · 07/09/2023 23:02

Mamai90 · 07/09/2023 23:01

Bottled water isn't recommended for babies because of the sodium content (though there might be some baby friendly brands).

The formula isn't sterile either so not preparing it properly could make your child very ill. Especially if they are under 6 months

Show quote history

Yes I know.

You've quoted the wrong person .

QS90 · 07/09/2023 23:03

Apologies if posted previously, but once ours turned 6 months (when they can have water straight from tap), we put in 2 oz boiling water (to sterilise milk powder), 5 scoops of powder, and then top the bottle up with 3 oz cold water straight from the tap.

However, I really do think it's okay for babies to cry sometimes. We were really ON IT with our first - never allowed to cry for a second, loads and loads of attention etc, everything perfect for him all the time... He is now 2 and 8 months, beautiful, lovely etc, but oh so demanding. Our youngest is 8 months and has been ignored a lot more, through necessity. He is still really smiley, healthy etc, but much chiller.

DinnaeFashYersel · 07/09/2023 23:03

Whatever kind of milk you are giving a one year old should be able to hang on.

Your child is not a newborn.

Daisymae55 · 07/09/2023 23:05

I understand your frustration and it’s shocking how many people have responded to this thread without actually reading it properly and your posts! But I did vote YABU purely because I do think having a bottle always ready is a bit much (although the dirty bottle thing would drive me nuts so you definitely aren’t BU there!)

My DD hasn’t got an allergy but she could go from absolutely fine to screaming her head off for milk in a flash. I found the hot shot method really helpful for this (also pre-made formula but no don’t think it’s available for allergy milks). She’s 18 months now and needs something to eat literally every 2 hours on the dot. We have to supply lots of snacks throughout the day or she loses her shit.

My friend has a toddler (17 months) whose only just come off her allergy formula so please ignore the “they don’t need formula” brigade (I thought we were meant to believe that fed is best and not judging mums like this, especially ignoring your explanation).

Onceuponaheartache · 07/09/2023 23:05

My dd was raised on formula and for a time also had suspectes cmpa. We made bottles on advance, stored in the fridge and reheated as needed. That said I don't think either of you are unreasonable.

Totally off topic @Checkcheck12 but if your baby has been on nutramigen for a while ask for him/her to be checked for phosphate levels. My dd was fine on it but a friend's baby ended up with phosphate rickets as a result. Her hospital team advised it was linked to the nutramigen.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/09/2023 23:11

Jojobees · 07/09/2023 19:49

Your child is 1. They don’t need formula, and probably a regular 3 bottles a day. Why on earth do they need formula ready to drink immediately available 24hrs a day?
Yes your standards are way too high. At one a child can wait the 30 seconds it takes to pour cows milk into a bottle.
Give your partner a break.

Allergic to cows milk

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/09/2023 23:28

As others said over one can go on cows milk but as an allergy many stay on their cmpa milk till 3

Make via your own perfect prep

I'm a maternity nurse and this is how I make quickly and Safely

So boil water and leave to cool and pour into jug /bottle with measurements

When a bottle is needed

Then boil kettle and pour 1/4 hot water. Add formula. Swirl. Add cold

Bottle is ready in A minute or so

Then when making a bottle do 1/3 hot and 2/3 cold for perfect temp and safe

So 8oz bottle 3 oz hot. Add powder. 5 oz cold

Blueink · 07/09/2023 23:31

https://www.doidycups.com/
I asked about a cup, this one is excellent from 3 months to help develop different mouth movements and teach to use cup with a rim (and can be used even earlier if assisted)

Doidy Cup

Doidy Cup

https://www.doidycups.com/

Teenagehorrorbag · 07/09/2023 23:33

NuffSaidSam · 07/09/2023 19:46

You are being ridiculous. Formula should be made fresh, not sitting around waiting for the baby to be hungry. Your baby is old enough to have some solid food if they're that hungry they can't wait five minutes for a bottle.

But...he is being ridiculous when he stops to fold laundry on the way to get the milk. He should also keep the bottles washed etc.

By one, your baby doesn't need formula or a bottle though. Cows milk in a cup. Problem solved.

Not true - the nurses in NICU told me it was fine to make 6 bottles at night and put them straight in the fridge. The formula manufacturers say to make it fresh on the instructions just to cover their backs in case someone doesn't sterilise properly, but provided you do, it's fine to make in advance.

Plus they sell it in pre-packed 'ready to drink' cartons as well - so they can't have it both ways.

I agree that if your DC is still on formula it makes sense to keep some in the fridge ready to feed. I can't remember if my two were in a set routine at one or fed on demand - but presumably he could give DC other food if they are crying? Agree that folding towels on the way is just plain daft.......

Yellowflower47 · 07/09/2023 23:33

I was going to initially say YABU as baby doesn’t need formula at 1yo but it seems like your baby does due to allergies so, I do think your DP needs to be more proactive than reactive with baby. Have you got a Nuby Rapid Cool? They’re about £30 from Amazon and the best thing we’ve ever owned for bottle feeding. You can make a fresh feed really quickly and safely. I make one up around half an hour before baby is due a feed and then it’s ready for when she needs it and no storing bottles which isn’t recommended these days. My DH is similar to your DP so I feel you. I hate seeing my baby frustrated because of his laziness.

HoppingPavlova · 07/09/2023 23:34

A couple if interesting themes in these comments are that no-one else's 1 year old gets so worked up when hungry and/or that other parents are ok to let them cry for 5 mins when hungry

I think the reason most don’t get so worked up is that by 1yo they have learnt to a degree that they need to wait a bit on occasion. By consistently trying to avoid your child getting upset they can’t develop skills to not get upset or understand that things will be okay. Not doing them any favours.

MinnieTruck · 07/09/2023 23:51

A 1 year old is definitely still a baby in my eyes sorry😂 my son is 16 months old and he certainly is a baby. He only discovered how to stand up two weeks ago!

Clarefromwork · 07/09/2023 23:55

Sorry if already suggested

Have you looked at the tommee tippee perfect prep machine ? It makes bottles up really quickly to the right temperature - I used to use it for making a few bottle up at a time and then putting them in the fridge.