To think baby should always have formula ready

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Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

If baby can’t have cows milk and will be on formula for a while longer I’d just keep some ready made formula in the cupboard at all times for the situations you describe. It takes seconds to pour it into a bottle. No stress, problem solved.

I get it’s irritating when DH doesn’t do things the way you would and doesn’t think ahead but from experience don’t make it harder than it needs to be and cause arguments. If you keep ready made formula in then it doesn’t matter if he’s a bit last minute when he’s in charge of the baby.

There are a gazillion different "milks" out there that are non dairy.

Waaay past the baby stage here, but we were always told to prep as needed. We had some of the cartons around for emergencies/trips out.

We did not however get distracted by anything else when baby needed feeding. That is the issue, not whether your partner has made the feed up in advance.

We have been chasing the allergies team for four months so we can start the milk ladder! She had such a severe reaction we don't really want to start this without their supervision. This isn't stopping her weaning in itself, we just can't transition to dairy milk. She is a bit behind on weaning but eats solids 5 times a day... Just not enough yet. Nursery are happy with her progress, she just has quite a lot of formula for her age compared to some babies.

I found (and still do find even with older kids) a bit of red pepper to chew on / eat while waiting for dinner will perk up a hungry toddler / child so it can then eat the rest of the food.

I agree that a bit of boiling water to sterilise the powder followed by cold water worked well. But it may be different for prescribed anti allergy formula.

but those aren’t the issues really I guess. It’s that you both have a different way of doing things and no one is right / in charge so you have to either persuade him you’re right or let him do it his way when he’s in charge. I’d guess this won’t be the first parenting thing you disagree on so you have to find a way of discussing why each person holds their view and whether there is a middle ground etc.

We has water ready but added formula added as we went, your need to think your right seems to be thr most important thing to you it comes across rather than knowing it is wrong

You are not but you want to be

If you jump right away, you are going to have pretty bad tantrums at 2 and 3 when they don't get what they want right away. However, if they are screaming upset and then refusing the bottle - are you sure that's why they're crying? Could be tired? Could be gas? Could be teeth?
I have 3 kids and I don't think any of them got so upset at 1 Yr plus because they couldn't wait 5 minutes for food or drink that they'd refuse it. Maybe they can feel your stress. Chill a little - don't make the job harder than it has to be.
Yabu.

For folks talking about pre made cartons... Baby is on Nutramigen Puramino. I don't think there is a carton equivalent? If anyone knows of one I would be interested.

There are a gazillion dairy-free milks but they aren't good replacements for formula when she is drinking so much of it.

Simple solution if you must carry on with the forumla. If the ration involves for example 8 ounces hot water for 8 scoops formula, fill the bottle with 5 ounces hot water and 8 scoops of formula...the hot water will kill whatever it needs to and then add the remaining 3 ounces of cold water....adjust to the babies liking for temperature of course. But problem solved.

I really can’t believe the number of women telling you what your own baby “should” or “shouldn’t” be asking for at this stage. It’s embarrassing. The baby doesn’t speak English yet so if he/she cries for milk, they probably want milk. They’ll fully wean onto solids when they’re ready.

OP don’t stress, my suggestion would be to have a few of those ready made bottles to hand for when dad is on duty. Not ideal, but probably increases the chances of milk being given before the screams!

Also, everyone giving you crap for not using cow’s milk is conveniently forgetting that, in the absence of all the vitamins that were in the formula you were buying, you’d need to start giving a (not free, nor cheap if it’s decent) multivitamin - per NHS advice. As the apparent “rip off” that is formula already comes with the right vitamins in the right amounts for a one year old, I’m really not sure either option is that much superior than the other.

Sad to see so few mums being supportive on mumsnet.

This is such a strange post. Allergy and formula advice aside, surely your baby is in a good, fairly predictable routine by now? Even if she does have more milk than other babies in between meals, it's presumably in a pattern throughout the day? All my babies have had a very predictable routine from around 3 months. If your baby is screaming in hunger you've missed a feed window. It all sounds very chaotic and confusing for your poor baby.

It sounds to me like your stress is rubbing off on your baby. I wish someone had sat me down and told me when mine were little that a little cry wouldn’t hurt them, that not reacting immediately (in the absence of an emergency) can sometimes actually be positive (good life lesson too many kids don’t learn!) and most importantly, for my partner, that dad’s way is ok when dad is on duty. Took me YEARS to appreciate this and chill the fuck out. I realised that my kids were far more relaxed and chilled with him as a result. So I work on me, not him. Maybe you should do this too op? It’s tempting to try and control everything when you are in control of nothing, so I totally understand you. I think I’d have been a lot happier if id let go a bit; and my babies certainly would have been.

my teacher friend says you can spot the angsty parents from the angsty kids.

I used to pre make bottles and leave them in fridge 24 hours, when I had my second the midwife told me this was no longer advised and you should make each bottle up as needed.

So technically, your husband is using best practice bar the rubbish organisation.

I would always make it up when needed, don't think it should be left out and I think you're not supposed to fridge it? Maybe the made up bottles are the way forward

The baby is one. You don't need formula

Hi
some people are so quick to give an opinion ! Feed cows milk now they are 1 etc

my just 1 year old has has not had any form of dairy from 2 weeks old . His prescription milk has no milk etc AT ALL it’s an amino acid powder , he can be on this FORMULA just like follow on milk .

we started the milk ladder , however he reacted with swollen eyes, lips etc instantly from the first step which was milk baked into a biscuit ! So we have stopped again .

dietician has advised to carry on with formula along side weaning ,

to answer your question, we ALWAYS have bottles clean and ready to be used !
you can use tap water now so we put a shot of boiling out the kettle onto the formula then top right up with tap and it’s ready to drink instantly this might be better for you to do x

I hate this kind of bitchy reply.

When someone calls their partner babe/baby do you say no you're not a baby? It's OK for someone to love their kids you know.

Lolz nope. This baby isn't the same as your three babies. I hear there's quite a range! ;)

A couple if interesting themes in these comments are that no-one else's 1 year old gets so worked up when hungry and/or that other parents are ok to let them cry for 5 mins when hungry.

I know they have to learn to wait I just thought that this was a bit young for that... So interesting to see the variation.

Thanks for all the well meaning and thoughtful comments. I DO think 1 year old is still a baby 😂

If it’s prescription formula for a CMPA baby most don’t come in ready made cartons

Chuck her a rusk.

This is really helpful to know, thank you!

I don't really understand, how much milk is she having? She only needs around 400mls at 1 so maybe one in the morning and one before bed? Maybe one more but she shouldn't really be in a state of screaming for it at this age. Either way, your partner is entitled to parent her how he wishes, a bit of waiting at her age won't hurt.

Oh stop that. You let yourself down with that kind of oneupmanship crap.

Why is a one year old baby having formula? She should be on 3 or 4 meals a day, of proper food. She can have cow's milk now. She should also be drinking from a cup (with a spout), not a baby's bottle.