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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby should always have formula ready

249 replies

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:41

Hi all,

We have a 1 year old. I think our baby should always have formula made up and ready to drink, no exceptions.

My partner has, on about 5 occasions, been left in charge and not had food ready and baby has screamed relentlessly OF COURSE and is then too upset to feed. On other occasions our baby cries and he says he is going to get the formula then just stops to fold a bit of laundry on the way. Wtf. Baby is crying...

On about 20 other occasions when he is supposed to be the main carer (for context we live together but we both have jobs and I am trying to finish a course - there are times I am main carer so he can do things he values) I have found that no bottles were clean and no formula was made and told him to do it and each time he has said "I was just doing it" and then slides out of his chair. He'd clearly forgotten/not noticed.

He says my standards for parenting are too high, although when I asked him which standards other than this were too high he couldn't say (because I am super flexible about everything other than letting her sit in a dirty nappy and he has never let her do that, thank god).

So, Mumsnet, is my standard for feeding out baby too high?
Am I being unreasonable, that our baby should never have to wait for formula when she cries?

OP posts:
cocunut · 07/09/2023 20:00

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:59

This baby screams when she is hungry and quickly gets so worked up she then can't feed and pushes the bottle away and so the screaming continues for 10-15 mins.

She will eat solids but if you let her get too hungry she gets upset and won't. Everyone else professional we have spoken to about it just seem to agree.

She had a serious dairy allergy after she was born and was really ill, hospitalised with it and paediatricians said she had to feed certain amounts every 3 hours even if she didn't seem to want it. We think this might have affected her hunger cues (one of the many professionals we saw at the time said it might).

This thread is fascinating.

Ignore the ignorant posters on here. Feed your baby milk for as long as she needs it to gain weight. Are you doing the dairy ladder?

Clefable · 07/09/2023 20:00

Have you tried her with a straw cup or something instead? Sometimes breaking the bottle association can make them approach things differently.

Mousey8 · 07/09/2023 20:01

Just buy a Rapidcool, problem solved. No arguments.

Bookish88 · 07/09/2023 20:02

Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 19:48

She eats solids too... She is weaning...
You have to make formula fresh at a high temperature, and she can't drink it while its scalding hot, it has to cool hence being ready to drink.

If she really must have formula then why not just buy it in the readymade cartons to avoid this issue?

luckbealadytonight · 07/09/2023 20:02

I would agree with you if the baby was a bit younger but at 1yo there shouldn't be that kind of reliance on formula - I think the question is why is baby getting so ravenous that they get that upset over it?

And also, at that age you can top up with tap water so you don't need to wait for it to cool! Doesn't need to be sterile anymore. Just do half boiling for the formula and half cold water.

CourtneyB123 · 07/09/2023 20:03

Just putting my 50 pence in, my son is 14 months old, I alternate formula and milk trying to wean off formula. I do hot water at bottom, forumla, then top rest up with filtered water (exactly like a prep machine) and it's ready to drink. Takes minutes to make. Your child is 1 now and assuming they've been having water from over 6 months I can't see an issue?

Original poster
Checkcheck12 · 07/09/2023 20:04

We were/are going to... We had a consult with the allergies team at 6 months and have been chasing them for months for another appt to start it.

OP posts:
Hopinghonestly · 07/09/2023 20:05

I agree with having no bottles ready for use, that would stress me out.

But if i had formula always ready I would have to bin half of it...

I do feel for you though, I am the same. But i am unreasonable and highly strung. I am hypervigilant and see danger everywhere. I have to leave the room and leave my partner to it sometimes as i am aware i am irrational when it comes to my baby. I am starting weaning now, baby is 51/2 months. But her dietician seems to have advised the opposite with her allergies.

Abfab63 · 07/09/2023 20:06

My 12 m/o has a dairy allergy and oat milk is fine - advised to switch to this at one year by dietician. Think you need to chill out a bit, your baby is probs getting stressed because you are.

Northe · 07/09/2023 20:07

I thought bottles weren't good for babies of this age at any time - surely breast or cup would be better. You sound high maintenance as does the 1 year old. Poor guy!

TeenLifeMum · 07/09/2023 20:08

Milk needs to be made up fresh and a one year old shouldn’t be screaming for milk, just give a snack while you wait for it to cool. Or you do it way and dh do it his - it’s okay to approach things differently rather than you setting all the rules for your adult husband to follow.

Scirocco · 07/09/2023 20:08

Just to add, I can relate to your situation - our DC was unwell, off the bottom of the growth charts, under paediatricians, on a strict feeding schedule for months, etc. The anxieties take a long time to fade. If it's prescription formula, our consultants and dietitian were adamant that the one we were prescribed for supplementary feeds had to be freshly made each time, and that it's only useable for an hour after making it, so it's worth double checking if your formula has the same issues.

Ididivfama · 07/09/2023 20:08

Sorry for the abuse your getting, AIBU is the place to post if you just want flaws pointed out.
It’s not fair your parter is being inconsistent and letting your baby cry, no. Can you have a sit down chat and compromise?

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 07/09/2023 20:08

You mentioned that you keep the ready made formula in the fridge but your little one screams when you give the bottle sometimes. Just thinking, is that because it’s too cold? Is it warmed up?

WalnutBlue · 07/09/2023 20:08

Guys you don't need a prep machine, just pour an ounce or two of boiling water to kill germs in the bottle and then thoroughly stir and add cold water.. Tadah.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/09/2023 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 07/09/2023 20:11

Smittenkitchen · 07/09/2023 19:55

Don't think it would be worth getting a perfect prep machine when DC is already 1 years old.. They might not be planning to have any more kids.
OP you'll be horrified to learn that I don't heat formula for my DC at all. I make the formula up with bottled water, no boiling or heating anything. Nowhere on the tub does it instruct me to heat anything.
You are sounding a bit PFB but I know it's difficult when OH doesn't do things as you would like.

As mentioned above you need to add hot water to the powder to sterilise the powder as it could contain bacteria. The NHS website gives helpful info on this :)

To think baby should always have formula ready
Cakencookieobsessed · 07/09/2023 20:12

At 1, they generally start coming off the bottle. It's your choice of course what you do regarding the bottle but food is the child's main source of nutrition at this point, not milk. So they should not be screaming in hunger and can wait 5 mins for it to cool down. I feel like you intentionally drip fed the bit about the allergy to cause a bit of an argument because you knew the replies would say the child doesn't need formula at that age.

DanceMumTaxi · 07/09/2023 20:12

I can completely understand your point if you had a newborn. But at 1 year you should probably know when the bottles are needed so baby should be screaming, e.g wake up, afternoon, bedtime. The rest of the time they have food/snacks and water.

Sprogonthetyne · 07/09/2023 20:13

Always having a bottle ready seems a bit extreme, but leaving baby to scream is also not acceptable. I'd probably go with something in between, like giving them a banana/snack to tide them over for 5 minutes while I get the bottle ready.

(Disclaimer- I breastfed so have no experience of having to prepare milk)

ZadocPDederick · 07/09/2023 20:14

She will eat solids but if you let her get too hungry she gets upset and won't. Everyone else professional we have spoken to about it just seem to agree.

So you don't wait so long to feed her, and you have solids ready to give her.

oakleaffy · 07/09/2023 20:15

No child at one needs ''Formula''
The greedy formula companies pushing their stuff at older children is not on.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/09/2023 20:16

Is she drinking Neocate formula due to her allergies?

LastNightAPandaSavedMyLife · 07/09/2023 20:17

My CMPA child was on Neocate and I think at 1 year we switched to oat/soya/coconut, whatever it was. So no formula to make up.

pear6782 · 07/09/2023 20:19

Kids with dairy allergies here. Stick to formula as long as possible. Dairy free alternatives don’t have as much fat, are expensive and not always tolerated.

But anyway…this tip might make your life easier OP. Instead of buying a prep machine at 1 (although would have recommended if baby is smaller)…add 1-2 ounces of boiling water to formula and shake. Once all powder has dissolved (and therefore sterilised), top up with cold water. Ready to drink bottle made in seconds.