Husband demands half if the heritage from me

[Mumofacutie]

Hello. Fist of all, please don’t get me wrong, as I don’t want to sound devilish, but I am wondering if I am unreasonable feeling bad about sharing the money I will inherit from my Dad soon. I will try to cut long story short. My beloved Dad passed away this February, and me and my brother have inherited his house. We are going to sell the house soon, so the half of the money is going to be mine. (We are in the UK but the house is not, so value is significantly lower than here) When I mentioned the inheritance to my husband, he straight away came up with the idea that I should give half of my part to him and the other half would be mine to keep. Now I am not the type of person, who wouldn’t want to help her family, but the way he announced his wish made me feel disappointed.
Firstly, I am having a hard time coping with the loss of my father:( Secondly, my husband paid for many things for me in the past and helped me financially, had holidays etc. He has always made me feel I am pampered and he is generous with me in general, but it turned out apparently that the money he spent on us was a loan , and a huge amount, like £30K alltogether.
Once I mentioned to him that I am not so happy to spend my inheritance money on loans, he got upset and started to mention all the things he spent on me. Somehow, I feel this is not fair and upsets me, because ,one, had no idea that all these spendings were covered by bank loans, and two, this feels like he is asking the money back he spent on me. Feels like he lent me some money and now it is time to pay back. He basically wants to pay in this money for the loan.

I may be unreasonable, I feel totally confused, maybe I look selfish even. I know we are family, and we are to support each other. Maybe I am more sensitive about this money as it is “from my Daddy I have just lost and he was so precious to me”. Maybe because of this I cannot think clearly.

What would you do of you were in my situation? How would all these things mentioned above make you feel? Please share your thoughts! Thank you!

Just an additional note: if I bring this up to my husband, he goes upset straight away, so I don’t bring it up anymore.

I do hate it when one person in a marriage inherits and feels the money is just theirs any money should be a joint thing marriage is a joint commitment sharing any money received and bills. I do however understand how you feel, regarding your husband Him coming out with the fact he spoiled you on loans is pretty crap, you never asked for it and now it's made you feel, how I would, like you have to pay for it. 😢 but if you have the money those loans need to be sorted but you paying them off on his behalf rather than giving him the money I'd not feel like I could trust him to pay them off

I haven’t read the whole thread, but your husband sounds totally idiotic and reckless where money is concerned.

Lots and lots of comments assuming there is debt. I’d need to see evidence of this debt and exactly how much- so maybe there is debt. That would make him a man who will go take out loans without mentioning it to his wife. Why would such a man ONLY do so to afford such and such his wife wants (or family expenses he’s decided to allocate to his wife as ‘hers’). So he might have lots of debt for all kinds of reasons. He might have a gambling problem. He wouldn’t see a penny until I knew what his finances were and what he’d been doing with it. If he won’t share information then he doesn’t want shared finances and he doesn’t want a penny of your inheritance.

Having joint finances is usually the ideal, but given the lack of transparency in your joint finances, the inability to discuss anything...the undisclosed loans - and sudden demand that he must have half - particularly as your inheritance in a house is probably going to be much more than the £30k he seems to regret spending on you ( if he actually did spend that amount just on you.).

Not to mention the timing of making these demands whilst you are still coming to terms with your father's death.

I think until you get to the bottom of this, and it is sorted out you should make sure you retain control of the whole amount so that you can ensure you make the decisions of how it is eg spent on your children, or for joint family benefit, not on repaying undisclosed loans taken out for an unknown purpose.
Get financial advice, and make your own decisions independently.

I put the whole of the money I'd inherited into our joint account but my partner told me to open an account for myself and put it in there. I wanted him to have half as we have always shared finances but his attitude was actually quite grumpy and unpleasant - it's yours, you take it. It made me feel that he resented the whole situation.

I find that upsetting too.

In your case, OP, I think you would probably, in time, have either shared some of the money with your husband or divided it equally between you. However, I think you were probably put off by his assumption, demand even, that he would get an equal share.

As someone else said, let it lie for a while and then decide what you want to do.