I don’t seem to have a say in naming my baby

[Littlemissdj]

Keen to hear other perspectives..

I am 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow with my first baby. DP has 2 DC from a previous relationship, A DD 16 and DS 13.

Since we found out we are having a girl, I have had 2 top contenders with names which I’ve liked for years and always thought I would use them. DP hasn’t suggested any names yet. My first choice, DP has now said no to because his DD said it sounds similar to her name. Let’s say the name I wanted was Mia and his DDs name is Maliah. He also feels like his DD will feel replaced. My second choice he said no because one of his cousins is called that name.

We got into a small argument over this and he said I am not being fair if I select either name.

AIBU to go with the names or shall I just keep thinking of some? I’ve ruled out a lot.

The practice always tended to be that the baby takes the mother's name.

As we've had an (inexplicable) culture of women rescinding their own identities on marriage, this meant that the baby would receive the father's name as this was the same as the mother's.

There are no laws or social obligations relating to any of these practices but there often seems to be a misconception that there are.

Cheek of him declining your name as babys Surname!
He doesn't get a choice
Register baby alone
If he's unwilling to compromise then I suggest you each make a list and then compromise on the ones you both agree on
If he's like this in general then think about what you get out of the relationship
Babies divide even the strongest relationship
Do you have joint access to finances to pay for baby things?

Why not to make a list and your partner makes a list too and see if there is any name that is similar in both lists?
My first ex husband did a list, I crossed several names, some were difficult to pronounce in Polish, some remind me of people I don't like from work.. finally we agree in one we both liked it. Then we had another child and it was bloody difficult to choose another name lol

I can’t get over how many people are telling OP to completely override her husband’s feelings and opinions and just give the baby her surname and her choice of name without his at all?
What a horrid thing to do.

The cousin one is not a strong enough objection imo to veto a name that you have had in mind for years.

I think it's just that women in general like to have the same name as their kids.

He has had 2 other children to name
this is your first ,and probably only child ,he’s not going to want more than 3 .
so bearing in mind you might never get to name a child again …and he’s named 2 already . So …
you get to choose ..just announce her name after delivery
don’t let her have his surname untill u are married …less incentive for him to marry if he’s got sex ,kid ,housekeeper,and kid with his surname already .

I wouldn't give the baby a name similar to his daughter. I also wouldn't give the baby his last name. Register the baby on your own with your last name and a middle name you actually like too.

I don't see an issue with naming your baby like his cousin? That would be my first choice given the alternatives! Still your special name but not one that has any negative meaning to your partner?

If he suggests a name that you don't want or like, would you go with that name?

I was on your side until I heard his reasoning. Both valid points.

It’s not his decision to “decline” your child having your surname. It’s your decision, legally. I have always took the stance with dh that if we had children before we were married they would have my name, and then we can give the children his surname once we ALL have that surname.

This is fair I think?

I dread to think if my DH decided he had to have one of his two favourite names for our DC. I agree though that its easy to veto names when not coming up with any himself.

I wouldn't care much about a middle name though but if I had bad associations with it, I'd change it a little e.g I'd use Catherine instead of Kate. Suzanne instead of Susan. Of course it depends if the name can be changed a little?

We had some problems too - no one in the whole family liked the name I wanted for my child, which had come to me in a dream when I was pregnant.

Our child has 5 names

name which we both chose and liked
the name I wanted
the DP’s late father’s name whom I’d never met
DP’s surname (as middle name)
my surname (as surname)

So it’s a lot, and maybe a bit much, but everyone’s happy. I guess what I’m suggesting is that you could give your child “Mia” as a second middle name.

My DH vetoed about 30 of my choices and vetoed about 30 of his. We went through loads until we found names we both liked. I don’t think his saying no to the first two names you suggested is anything like you having no say. And his concern about Mia seems very valid and something you protesting about makes you seem very unreasonable.

Having said that, how much you should listen to him depends, I think on how committed he is to you as a family. If you aren’t married, you have the ability to name her as you please.

It's often had to reach an agreement on a first name. Try and find a compromise.

I wouldn't dream of giving the baby any part of his name( unless you're married and also have that name.)

Declined eh?! Who made him lord of the manor?

The only case where he has a point is if one of the names sounds similar to his child. Everything else, nope.

Doesn't seem to be bringing any suggestions himself either, just a flat no to anything the OP is suggesting. He got his way on the middle name. OP didn't like it but she compromised. Don't see any comprising coming from Mr No No and I'm Not Allowing That!

He should be helping OP coming up with a name they both love; and if he can't be arsed to do anything except piss on your chips OP, register her with your surname and whatever first name you bloody well please!

If you are not planning to marry, you could use his surname as one of her middle names, and your surname will be hers.

ie Louisa Jayne MacKenzie Smith.

Not being married, the baby would have my name, no further discussion on that.

The first name though, I can't help but think you are beyond unreasonable even suggesting a name so close to his daughters. It's completely thoughtless, I can imagine that feeling awful being suggested to her.

Did everyone not read that OP said surname will be double barrelled. Fair enough to me baby gets both parents names

Agree with this

Your DP is in no position to veto anything really. But I can see why a compromise is a good idea.

But the child should definitely have your surname. That's a hill I would die on tbh. Whether he "declines" or not.

As your P has chosen a family name for the middle name, do you have a family name on your side you can use for the first name?

Download an app - we used Kinder, where you both like or dislike a name, the app will tell you which ones you both like.

He sounds like a bit of a dick. I would pick the name you want and only use your surname because the way is he behaving I wouldn't bet on you being together very long.

He declined our baby having my surname alone

Not really up to him though, is it? Decline his input in the name.